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I can't live like this! But I am doomed...

AuBurney Tuckerson

AuBurney Tuckerson

~GigglesTheAutisticHyena~
I nearly had a meltdown in Walmart. I was stuck there for HOURS because of an oil change! People were staring, and it was the worst torture ever! The kids, the loud screeching and banging of the tools, I can't stand it! At first my phone was playing music to keep the noises from torturing me, but the phone died! I just wanna go deaf! I thought I'd never get out of there! I don't care if I'll never be able to hear even what I like again, I just can't keep living through torture! I can't drive without being tortured by the motor, I can't go to class without being tortured by the noises there, and I can't even relax at home without the roaring engines outside torturing me! I have no ear defenders that everyone says work, and it might be impossible for me to get them. Therapy might not help. Earplugs didn't help. THERE'S NO ENDING THE PAIN EXCEPT FOR DEATH! :(:coldsweat::fearful::fearscream::astonished::anguished::cryingcat::weary::sob::persevere::pensive::screamcat:
 
It is hard for me to tolerate sound, too.

Although the never ending sound I hear is
from meniere's, and not external sources.

At least when I am asleep, I don't feel/hear it.
 
tree said:
It is hard for me to tolerate sound, too.

Although the never ending sound I hear is
from meniere's, and not external sources.

At least when I am asleep, I don't feel/hear it.
Click to expand...

I literally sleep holding my ears at night in case a loud engines starts roaring by.. It takes me over an hour to get to sleep.. When I'm in a deep enough sleep, that's the only time I'm ever getting any relief from the loud noises..
 
Why were you in walmart for hours? I know you said an oil change, but were you somehow required to wait inside walmart the entire time? I usually wander off to an empty, quiet place when I'm waiting for something like that. Being in Walmart for hours seems like it'd be awful for anyone!
 
Fino said:
Why were you in walmart for hours? I know you said an oil change, but were you somehow required to wait inside walmart the entire time? I usually wander off to an empty, quiet place when I'm waiting for something like that. Being in Walmart for hours seems like it'd be awful for anyone!
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I tried waiting outside, but the loud vehicles and tools kept torturing me. I tried waiting inside, the loud kids, screeching noises, and popping were torturing me. I had nowhere to go! There was no quiet place for me to go! I was trapped! I was stuck there from 9:45-1:15!
 
That's a hell of a long oil change! I had a full major service done on my car yesterday in 2 1/4 hours!
AuBurney - don't wish things like deafness or death upon yourself PLEASE. You come across as a decent, warm hearted person. You've got much to give to the world when the opportunity arises. I recognise your sensitivity to noise and your pain as a result. I used to suffer similar at your age, but not long after I learned to cope with it. I even spent a few years working in a call centre in my 40s, which considering my worst sensitivity is to human noise is an achievement I never imagined I would get.
You can and will cope with it. It's hard now but it DOES get easier. Hang on in there :)
 
For me, there is no way to cope. My hearing gets worse and worse the longer I live through this nightmare.. I could only wish for ear defenders or some kind of therapy to get rid of my sensitive hearing and stop the torture.
 
If you get ear aches and your ear drums break often enough,
eventually you won't be able to hear as well. I don't recommend it,
though, speaking from personal experience.
 
I know it feels that way now, but try to have some faith in those of us that have lived through it. You CAN do it even though you think you can't. No ear defenders can completely block it out, no therapist can completely "cure" it, but there will likely come a time, not too distant when your sensitivity will be a blessing rather than the curse it seems right now.
You need to find a way to take control of it. Turn the torture into an annoyance, then the annoyance into an irritation. Eventually it will be just a part of life and may even become an asset.
You are in charge AuBurney, not your oversensitive hearing - you and only YOU. The strength is there in you, you just need to find it and use it. I want to see you on here enjoying life in years to come :)
 
Assuming I didn't have headphones with me and if, for some reason, I was stuck inside the Walmart for hours, I would find a corner of the store that seems to be less crowded than the others (book section? lol) sit down in the corner of said section and become absorbed by my phone, reading about something I like or messaging a friend or something of that nature.
 
Fino said:
Assuming I didn't have headphones with me and if, for some reason, I was stuck inside the Walmart for hours, I would find a corner of the store that seems to be less crowded than the others (book section? lol) sit down in the corner of said section and become absorbed by my phone, reading about something I like or messaging a friend or something of that nature.
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There is no book section. Plus, there are loud noises all over the store, crowded or not..
 
Another reason I want to go deaf: My mother won't listen to me!

She keeps telling me that gonna have to "get over it" or "tune it out", but I can't. I try every day, and the noise is just too agonizing! She always uses the dismissal of my stuff being too loud or that the animals at the vet (I want to be a veterinarian) will be loud, but I shadowed at a vet's office before, and the animals were quiet. She blames my earplugs, but I can't take them off because it's even too loud at home. At first, I used to take them off at home, but things have gotten way too loud for that, too. With everyone else, it's always "But you're louder than us." Or "Your phone/TV is louder than us, and you tolerate it". I try to tell her that I don't tolerate the high noises and often turn those down or off, but she won't listen! Now I really wish I was deaf! At least, she won't have to worry about me and my sensitive hearing anymore.
 
Has anyone found the noise canceling headphones from Bose to be worth it? My old room mate had them, but they had to be hooked up to wireless. However, they said they worked. Has anyone found a pair that does not need wireless so in situation like the OP said where the phone dies, the headphones may still work?
 
@AuBurney Tuckerson . I'm sorry you have such a hard time with something that's unavoidable - noise. Seems like the more you are trying to get away from it the worse it has become. Try humming which can cover a lot of the noise in your head and try to tolerate it in some way. That's the only way it's going to ever get easier for you. So when you first start feeling annoyed with the sounds, hum and start thinking of good things that you enjoy. I doubt damaging your ears would really be helpful because from the damage you could end up with tinnitus which is a constant ringing or sounds like crickets and its so loud you can't hear anything over it. Keep trying to focus on other things.
 
AuBurney Tuckerson said:
Another reason I want to go deaf: My mother won't listen to me!

She keeps telling me that gonna have to "get over it" or "tune it out", but I can't. I try every day, and the noise is just too agonizing! She always uses the dismissal of my stuff being too loud or that the animals at the vet (I want to be a veterinarian) will be loud, but I shadowed at a vet's office before, and the animals were quiet. She blames my earplugs, but I can't take them off because it's even too loud at home. At first, I used to take them off at home, but things have gotten way too loud for that, too.
Click to expand...
Pats said:
@AuBurney Tuckerson . I'm sorry you have such a hard time with something that's unavoidable - noise. Seems like the more you are trying to get away from it the worse it has become. Try humming which can cover a lot of the noise in your head and try to tolerate it in some way. That's the only way it's going to ever get easier for you. So when you first start feeling annoyed with the sounds, hum and start thinking of good things that you enjoy. I doubt damaging your ears would really be helpful because from the damage you could end up with tinnitus which is a constant ringing or sounds like crickets and its so loud you can't hear anything over it. Keep trying to focus on other things.
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It doesn't annoy me. It overstimulates me. Humming won't work because it's hard to him when I'm already suffering. Especially in situations where the noise is so overly loud that I have to play high volume (but soothing and ear tolerateable) music to block out the loud torture long noises. I can go into the smaller Walmart with the headphones playing music just fine because the smaller Walmart isn't as loud or crowded, and it doesn't have as much people with screeching things when they stock shelves. The worst part is that my mother won't listen to me about my sensitive hearing, and she only dismisses it with "you're louder than us" and "you have your phone and TV blasting".
 
I am practically deaf and I will tell you that it isn’t a good thing. I almost got hit by a car this week because I didn’t hear it behind me coming up so fast and the horn sounded distant and I couldn’t make out what it was exactly. I have a hearing aid that I use, but it overloads me very quickly. So I know what that’s like. Lights are also an annoying stimulant.
 
You can’t be a vet if you are deaf.
Quit going to Walmart and find a small shop for oil changes. It may cost more but it isn’t worth wishing for death to save a few dollars.
Same thing for shopping and other outings.
 
Walmart is doing the oil change? I didn't know that was a thing. I go somewhere where I don't even have to get out of the car.
 
AuBurney Tuckerson said:
I'm wearing earplugs, but I can hear right through them.
Click to expand...

That was fast i just reread your Original post and deleted mine because you say they don't work. Maybe try a different brand or get some high quality noise cancellation headphones?
Seems like the ones they use at gun ranges or for heavy duty construction would work
 
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