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I can't be around my grandfather for too long...

SunnyDay16

SunnyDay16

Well-Known Member
I love my grandfather to death, but I can only take him in small doses. If I am around him for too long, I feel really anxious and burnt out.

My grandfather and I are polar opposites. I'm quiet, he's loud. He's also rather opinionated and stubborn. He's not one to admit he's wrong, even if he is wrong, but is quick to point out other's flaws. I hate it when he gets into his lecturing mode. He'll go on a lecture about certain things, such as religion and politics. He'll go on and on about his opinions and how he is valid in them, but won't really ask others for their opinions or input, thus conversations with him tend to be pretty one-sided.

He likes to annoy me too. He'll embarrass me in front of other people and talk to me loudly. Just this Thanksgiving he made fun of how I talked, being that it was too quiet for him. I know that he is not doing in on purpose, but it still drains me out when he insists of bothering me even if I've made it clear I don't want to be bothered. He seems to have a hard time reading social cues.

I don't mind being around him for a few hours, but after those hours I just want to be away from him.

Has anyone else felt similar to their relatives? I hope I'm far from the only one.
 
SunnyDay16 said:
I love my grandfather to death, but I can only take him in small doses. If I am around him for too long, I feel really anxious and burnt out.

My grandfather and I are polar opposites. I'm quiet, he's loud. He's also rather opinionated and stubborn. He's not one to admit he's wrong, even if he is wrong, but is quick to point out other's flaws. I hate it when he gets into his lecturing mode. He'll go on a lecture about certain things, such as religion and politics. He'll go on and on about his opinions and how he is valid in them, but won't really ask others for their opinions or input, thus conversations with him tend to be pretty one-sided.

He likes to annoy me too. He'll embarrass me in front of other people and talk to me loudly. Just this Thanksgiving he made fun of how I talked, being that it was too quiet for him. I know that he is not doing in on purpose, but it still drains me out when he insists of bothering me even if I've made it clear I don't want to be bothered. He seems to have a hard time reading social cues.

I don't mind being around him for a few hours, but after those hours I just want to be away from him.

Has anyone else felt similar to their relatives? I hope I'm far from the only one.
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Mine aren't extrovert like your grandfather but I can't be around on for more than 5-10 minutes ,we are just not The same also the fact that Iam a Christian and they are just not interested in talking about what I think about.
As soon as I go into my mothers mothers house it feels like a wall goes up ,I haven't done that for seven years .
It's never been like a close family I only went with my mother because I didn't want to leave her
 
You're not alone. I used to have some trouble around my grandmother. For one she didn't at first believe I really had autism, my mom told me she said she thought the doctor just stuck a label on me so they could bill. Second, she wasn't very understanding of my sensory issues. She'd say things like "why don't you wear dungarees like the other girls?" and "I'm going to buy you a long frilly dress to wear" (even though my mom had told her I find lace uncomfortable). As she got older she became hard of hearing so when I arrived to see her she would often have the tv blasting. It took her some time to understand she'd have to turn the tv off when I was there. When visiting her, we'd have to speak loudly so she could hear. So yeah, it was hard but I'll still always love her.
 
Butterfly88 said:
You're not alone. I used to have some trouble around my grandmother. For one she didn't at first believe I really had autism, my mom told me she said she thought the doctor just stuck a label on me so they could bill. Second, she wasn't very understanding of my sensory issues. She'd say things like "why don't you wear dungarees like the other girls?" and "I'm going to buy you a long frilly dress to wear" (even though my mom had told her I find lace uncomfortable). As she got older she became hard of hearing so when I arrived to see her she would often have the tv blasting. It took her some time to understand she'd have to turn the tv off when I was there. When visiting her, we'd have to speak loudly so she could hear. So yeah, it was hard but I'll still always love her.
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My grandfather reacted similarly to my autism. He did believe we had it, but underestimated how difficult it made doing things sometimes. He would say stuff like, "It's not an excuse." Well, of course it's not, but that doesn't mean it doesn't affect me.
 
SunnyDay16 said:
My grandfather reacted similarly to my autism. He did believe we had it, but underestimated how difficult it made doing things sometimes. He would say stuff like, "It's not an excuse." Well, of course it's not, but that doesn't mean it doesn't affect me.
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That's tough. I think perhaps autism wasn't as widely recognized in earlier generations so it makes it harder for older people to understand.
 
Butterfly88 said:
That's tough. I think perhaps autism wasn't as widely recognized in earlier generations so it makes it harder for older people to understand.
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I think that's probably it. I've learned to not take it personally. If he is not educated on autism, that's his own issue, not mine.
 
I can't be around my mother for long. Or maybe she can't stand being around me. We don't like each other and have never gotten along. She can be merely passive-aggressive in the short term, but you don't want to go on a road trip with her; been there, done that, by like...hour two of a 12-hour car trip we were at each others' throats.
 
It might be easier for me to just lament that quite often I feel that way about most people. That I get along with them best in "small doses".

Otherwise this reminds me of something else. That for as many relatives as I've been around, most of them were never that "familiar" with me to have that sort of problem. We usually lived far away from virtually all our relatives, so many of them amounted to near strangers to me. I guess my grandparents were on the serious side in this respect.

I suspect my NT brother would probably say something similar about not being all that familiar with them to carry on like that.
 
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My maternal grandmother is this really obnoxious overbearing old lady who also seems to always want affection from me (I hate giving affection to my family, its weird i cant explain it). I stayed with her for a week and gosh she's exhausting to live with. I feel bad because she's done a lot for me, but she's just so tiring to be around. So yeah, I have a weird relationship with my family in general
 
I feel that way about my whole family... Including my wife and son. I guess I'm a loner at heart.
 
He sounds like an aspie and in truth, I am both. I am either very quiet or very loud and sadly, and the "ouch" effect, you just virtually described how I can be, on how your grandpa is.

I am trying to teach myself to calm down and recently it worked. I knew all about a subject that this dr was trying to explain to me, but I made myself back away and just let him carry on and it paid off and left me feeling ok.

I can be so quiet that no one would think I am even in the room; but put me with someone I feel comfortable with and I never shut up!
 
I do best with people who are not invested in their belief that "everything they do is right" and anyone else deviating from that is automatically "wrong."
 
I don't talk to most of my family. I talk to my Mum and my two brothers, I can't stand my Dad, I don't know my biological Dad, and the only other person I liked was my Nan but she died in 2012.

The rest are just strangers... I like it that way. The little time I have spent with them has shown me they are not my kind of people.
 
SunnyDay16 said:
I love my grandfather to death, but I can only take him in small doses. If I am around him for too long, I feel really anxious and burnt out.

My grandfather and I are polar opposites. I'm quiet, he's loud. He's also rather opinionated and stubborn. He's not one to admit he's wrong, even if he is wrong, but is quick to point out other's flaws. I hate it when he gets into his lecturing mode. He'll go on a lecture about certain things, such as religion and politics. He'll go on and on about his opinions and how he is valid in them, but won't really ask others for their opinions or input, thus conversations with him tend to be pretty one-sided.

He likes to annoy me too. He'll embarrass me in front of other people and talk to me loudly. Just this Thanksgiving he made fun of how I talked, being that it was too quiet for him. I know that he is not doing in on purpose, but it still drains me out when he insists of bothering me even if I've made it clear I don't want to be bothered. He seems to have a hard time reading social cues.

I don't mind being around him for a few hours, but after those hours I just want to be away from him.

Has anyone else felt similar to their relatives? I hope I'm far from the only one.
Click to expand...
I'm old enough to be your grandfather Sunny but i know what you mean. Its not just grandfathers though, its all family members.
 
i lived with my grandmother for a few years, she was the only person that didn't seem intimidated by me or uncomfortable around me, she was a 'no nonsense' kind of grannie, and she's one of the people i have appreciated the most in my life,

now she has started becoming demented, i try to visit her, but i can't talk to her any more, she can't hold a conversation, she mixes things up, starts a sentence on one topic and then doesn't end it and switches to another topic within the same sentence, i get exhausted within 15 minutes and feel really guilty

i've gotten to the point where i realise she doesn't remember me when i leave, and that she is still aware of my discomfort when i ma with her, so i've stopped going and feel even more guilty about it, it's also made me wonder about why i do get on with certain people, is it just because they get me, or is it because they as a person are more than practically important to me, i've been told that i use people, that when i have no need for people they drop off my radar, i don't do it out of malice or intentionally, but it seems to come over that way

at the end of the day, i guess is should just get over myself and drop by today, even if it is out of a sense of debt of gratitude, if it makes her feel better for a moment then i guess it's worth it, it shouldn't be about me and how i feel

you see, this forum stuff is actually a great way to organise thoughts, realise things, and improve
:)
 
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