I am very strict with people around me and myself

[Libecht]

I am never a forgiving person and seldom overlook people's mistakes, even for trivial ones like not paying attention when the traffic light turns red. When people, including strangers, do such things, I am very annoyed by their stupidity. Often I am told "mistakes happen", but I still believe, "Mistakes don't happen. People make mistakes."
Make no mistake (literally), I don't have double standards. I treat myself even stricter. When I make a typo, I'd bang my head on a table, feeling like an idiot.
I think I am putting a lot of stress on people around me and myself, but that's because I expect people to be better. I want myself to be better. Is it really wrong to be strict? Do you guys have the same issue?

 

[Progster]

I can relate to this. I have a tendency to expect myself and other people to be perfect. But making mistakes is human and a necessary part of the learning process that makes us who we are. I tell my students to see mistakes as a positive thing and not a negative, an opportunity to learn. I do get extremely frustrated, though, when people persistently make the same mistakes over and over and don't seem to be learning from them.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I think I am putting a lot of stress on people around me and myself, but that's because I want people to be better. I want myself to be better

You can certainly make people happier , including yourself.
Being kind to yourself allows greater freedom from the pain of mistakes.

As I get older I can handle stress less. So I’m moving more towards avoiding stress and that involves, to use an example :

A more relaxed view of the use of apostrophes’ amongst other things

 

[Libecht]

But making mistakes is human and a necessary part of the learning process that makes us who we are. I tell my students to see mistakes as a positive thing and not a negative, an opportunity to learn.

I interpret the phrase "learning from mistakes" differently. Making mistakes is bad, and that's why we must learn not to do that again. You don't have to learn anything if you don't make any mistake in the beginning, right? To me, the learning part is more like a way to remedy the mistake that has already been made.

 

[Major Tom]

I've lived that way for a long time, but it made me unhappy and stressed out, badly. Now rather than searching for every little error, I just put on some headphones and turn a blind eye for the most part. I am a lot less annoyed because of this. I think the thing that changed was I finally realized that I cannot control everyone, only myself. Before I honestly thought I could talk sense into people, but that is a rare occurrence indeed .

 

[Progster]

I interpret the phrase "learning from mistakes" differently. Making mistakes is bad, and that's why we must learn not to do that again. You don't have to learn anything if you don't make any mistake in the beginning, right? To me, the learning part is more like a way to remedy the mistake that has already been made.

I prefer to see a mistake as an action that led to negative consequences, rather than using such an emotionally loaded word as 'bad' to describe it. I do feel bad about making mistakes, but I need to detach myself from the negative emotion so I can focus on how to deal with the consequences of the mistake, and it helps me to deal with it and move on. That's my coping mechanism. No matter how hard I try, I will always make a mistake at some point and once the mistake has been made it can't be undone, so I have to deal with it somehow (I have no choice) and move on, in my case, by trying to see that there may be a positive side to it, learn from it so as not to do it again and deal with if practically. That's the only way I can find to accept the mistake and move on.

 

[Ambi]

You can certainly make people happier , including yourself.
Being kind to yourself allows greater freedom from the pain of mistakes.

As I get older I can handle stress less. So I’m moving more towards avoiding stress and that involves, to use an example :

A more relaxed view of the use of apostrophes’ amongst other things

I agree with this approach - focus on being kinder to yourself. I think actually you well then start being kinder/more understanding towards other people. I do relate to your post, though, so it's not like I've perfected this approach, but I've mellowed some. It's easier when they are mistakes I can understand, or they seem more minor. Otherwise, I can get very dismayed, disturbed, and disgusted. Which really only affects me negatively, as well as those around me.

 

[Sid Delicious]

I'm the same. I wonder if I have a form of OCD at times, as certain things in my life need to be done a specific way or not at all. I cannot stand 'half assing' something. I do things as close to perfect as I can, or I don't see the point. Although I don't tell other people about it, so it's more of a silent mini-rage thing!

For example, I was really annoyed that I missed out on a first degree by one mark and was tempted to redo the entire third year. I didn't even go along to the graduation ceremony, as I was so angry with myself. Although I'm over it now.

I am more relaxed about food now that I'm an adult. As a child, I used to have certain meals that I ate on set days and I had certain blue and white plates that I liked, and everything needed to be cooked and served a specific way. I was pretty fussy about food as well, and wouldn't eat a lot of things due to taste or texture. I was a nightmare for my mum! These days, I will fall back into a routine of specific meals if I am focused on other things and don't realise what I'm doing. Although I think that is just to save my brain having to make extra decisions when I'm already busy. I also still prefer meals cooked the same way if I make them, which other people seem to find amusing, but I am more flexible if other people cook for me.

It definitely comes out more if I am stressed. I have a set routine in the morning to get ready for work on time, and everything is mapped out almost to the exact second. If I get distracted by someone or something, then it sends me into a complete panic and I silently rage for a while! Even if I am running late, my makeup has to be perfect or I'm incredibly irritated until I have a chance to fix it. Although I think that's more due to the pressure of having to fit so much into a short space of time and get to a location, as I don't panic so much if I'm working from home.

I've relaxed a bit more as I've gotten older, but still find myself repeating certain things if they aren't done to my exact specifications. I also have a much stricter moral compass than most people I meet, although I try not to measure others by my own standards as I appreciate everyone has different rules and values for life. It helps that I have a few military people in my family, so they understand my pain! haha

 

[Flammie91]

I am never a forgiving person and seldom overlook people's mistakes, even for trivial ones like not paying attention when the traffic light turns red. When people, including strangers, do such things, I am very annoyed by their stupidity. Often I am told "mistakes happen", but I still believe, "Mistakes don't happen. People make mistakes."
Make no mistake (literally), I don't have double standards. I treat myself even stricter. When I make a typo, I'd bang my head on a table, feeling like an idiot.
I think I am putting a lot of stress on people around me and myself, but that's because I expect people to be better. I want myself to be better. Is it really wrong to be strict? Do you guys have the same issue?

I believe in doing everything to the best of my ability, as should others, because the world would be a much better place if people collectively put more work into trying to better themselves, good luck with trying to get people to implement that though, my biggest problem with people is I find they usually are sloppy with performing tasks, tend to be insensitive to peoples problems and needs (except their own of course), and NEVAR! keep their word. It used to irritate me a lot but now I'm just like "well what do you expect? They're humans, humans rebel." and yes I say rebel, because thats what I think it is, as opposed to these things being mistakes, although I believe they are genuine mistakes a portion of the time. You cant change others, believe me Ive tried, I just try to focus on what Im doing as much as possible and try to develop myself and my talents to feel like I have some control and to feel better about myself, also so I may have something to distract me from other peoples needless drama and mistakes. I seriously think people are masochists, if there aren't any problems, they will create or imagine one.. -_-

 

[Mr Allen]

I'm a bit like that, I don't suffer fools gladly if you get me.

 

[Benjamin Dover]

"Mistakes" are one of those things where I sometimes feel there are special rules just for me.

For example, mistakes at work. People at work make mistakes, and they say, "Ah, another learning moment." After that, they continue on with their work.

People always tell me to NOT worry so much about mistakes, since they're learning moments. But at work, when I make a mistake, I can think about the horrors of my decisions and actions while standing in the unemployment line.

They don't get to be joyous, learning moments for me, so I don't allow that for anyone else.

Some ask me why I'm so harsh on others. Hell, you should see how harsh I am on ME. I'm giving them a bit of a break, since they don't seem to suffer the "special" treatments that I get.

As rough as I might be on others, I'm even worse on myself.

 

[Sid Delicious]

"Some ask me why I'm so harsh on others. Hell, you should see how harsh I am on ME. I'm giving them a bit of a break, since they don't seem to suffer the "special" treatments that I get."

Yes! This is so true! I have a drill sargeant in my head most of the time, yelling obscenities at me (like that scene in the film Heavy Metal Jacket). I just assume other people are the same, so I'm a bit confused if they continue to keep making the same errors when there doesn't seem to be any good reason for it. I like to think I'm fairly forgiving with others though. Especially if they have a genuine reason to struggle with certain things (dyslexia, dyscalculia, etc). I save my anger for my own mistakes!

I think it's the same for all character traits though. We tend to treat other people to a lesser extent how we treat ourselves.

 

[Ambi]

Also, trying to be aware that it sounds like a control issue. Wanting to be in control, for others to be in control, for the world and life to be under control - not necessarily directly under you, but in the manner that you see fit as best for everyone, so indirectly, under your control. Life under control is more predictable, can be happier, more stable, etc. I read somewhere that getting lost in obsessions and special interests is a way for Aspies to re-establish a sense of control over their world, their life, their minds, their perceptions - a sense of control can be important for us, since much may seem out of our control, and since we often aren't the greatest at self-regulating even (hence the leaning on special interests as a form of self-regulation as well).

 

[Sid Delicious]

Possibly, although I don't really care what other people are doing with their lives if it doesn't directly affect mine. If anything, I try not to get too involved in other people's 'drama' unless I really care about them and they are obviously having problems with something. It likely does have something to do with controlling my own surroundings and decisions, as I can't react quickly to change. So I therefore need to ensure my environment does not suddenly change, or it takes a huge amount of energy (that I may or may not have available) to reset all my other plans and decisions around that.

 

[OkRad]

I was reading Aristotle's Ethics and he says people (adults ) should never even FEEL shame, because that means they did something to warrant it. HOwever, he says not to feel it is even worse, but you should not have to feel it!

Reminds me of that. I like people who remind me of Aristotle, so thank you.

Anyway, I forgive. My faith tells me to do so and it's hard but easier than hating. But that does not mean it is pardonable.

Bonhoeffer said ignorance is way more difficult and problematical than evil, a sentiment Socrates felt as well......

So, yeah, I have a big time trouble with it............

Again, isolation is the cure for it all....................

 

[Judge]

I think I am putting a lot of stress on people around me and myself, but that's because I expect people to be better. I want myself to be better. Is it really wrong to be strict? Do you guys have the same issue?

Let's just say that with enough experience with friends and foes in society, you learn that most people do not appreciate such a mentality leveled at them. And that there are a few who may equally act on such an impulse to respond to you with lethal force without much "debate".

It's one thing to have such impulses and traits. Many of us do. However acting on them can be not only really stupid at times, but potentially catastrophic. Especially with those who are complete strangers. Just know the risks if you choose to act on your own impulses.

 

[Tom]

I can't see that approach leading anywhere good. I have known a few people like that and tbh they were generally hated.

 

[Lula1989]

I think a lot of getting stuck on mistakes is also part of taking life too seriously. Up until this past year, I am 28 now, I got irritated at everything. Ive realized life doesnt have to be so bad. You make it bad for yourself by getting stuck on something so small. Turn your head and move on. Soon it will become a habit and easier to do

 

[Benjamin Dover]

Don't take life too seriously. It's only a temp position.

I try to remind myself of this. I'd not take my mistakes so seriously, were it not for others taking them so seriously and then attaching big consequences to them.

 

[isthisreallife]

I relate to all of this. I just have to remember to put myself in other people's shoes, just like I'd hope they would try to do for me.