I am unravelling at work

[Owliet]

I am sorry for posting this thread but I am trying to keep it together at work and failing miserably. I not only found out that I'm being undermined and despite reporting it the many times it did happen, and it seems like nothing was done, and I dont kknow if i mention it again or just get on with it? And they didnt include me in the leavers content in the newsletter when they sent an email to me to say they werent keeping me on. So im really upset

 

[iamlindsaythatisall]

Honestly, it sounds like you have every right to be upset. Something that gets my goat is when people are treated unfairly, especially in the workplace. You deserve better.

 

[Judge]

I am sorry for posting this thread but I am trying to keep it together at work and failing miserably. I not only found out that I'm being undermined and despite reporting it the many times it did happen, and it seems like nothing was done, and I dont kknow if i mention it again or just get on with it? And they didnt include me in the leavers content in the newsletter when they sent an email to me to say they werent keeping me on. So im really upset

Did I understand that you were provisionally employed as a temporary worker?

Reminds me when I had a very lucrative job as a website designer. However I too was employed as a contract worker, where technically I wasn't an actual employee. So at certain times and circumstances I was deliberately excluded from company social activities.

I had mixed feelings about it. At times it made me feel bad too. However it also insulated me to a certain extent from a lot of corporate internal strife as well.

When my contract eventually ran out, because our division had been sold to another corporation, no one even bothered to tell me personally what my last day on the job was. That was rough...

However these are all considerations one must take when they accept employment on such terms. It's just the way it is...

 

[Thinx]

I am sorry this workplace is a tough one, but my experience has been that no one really looks after people's feelings much at work, it's really important therefore that you do that for yourself, as much as you can.

Employers do vary, but the bottom line is, they pay us to do a job. I try not to think of them as anything other than a source of income, and on the whole I think that helps me to look after my own feelings and not expect the employer to have a quasi parental role. Some employers do work hard to achieve a good atmosphere, but just as often, they are not great at doing that.

What if you decide not to take all this so much to heart? You can still have a good experience at work, and enjoy a job, as I generally have. Sounds like you did your job fine, and hopefully you will get a nicer employer next time, but mainly I would use your personal life , family, friends and interests to feel good, and at work, focus on the job.

I would also think twice about reporting others. What kind of things do you report? How and to whom? What do you conclude from them taking no action? To me it sounds like they don't want to get involved in staffs disagreements.

 

[Judge]

One thing for sure, in the 21st century one doesn't want to "marry" their employer.
Actually that became apparent for many of us back in the mid-eighties. When the only way to really move up was to move out. When longevity and loyalty no longer mattered.

A fatal mistake in most circumstances. Worse if it's a very large corporation whose shareholders don't give a damn about any employees from the board of directors to the lowliest worker.

 

[Loren]

I'm really sorry this is happening. Don't be sorry for posting this thread. I think it's good that you are expressing yourself. I would feel the same way, if I were in your position, and have been, in the past.

Based on what you've mentioned/ the fact that you've made multiple reports and nothing has been done, and since you will be departing from this job, a few months from now, it could be in your best interest to refrain from mentioning it, again, and hang on, as best you can, for the duration of your stay. I would be very tempted to report it, again, but, you've now witnessed that it doesn't accomplish anything, so, I would just try to focus on your next adventure, and receiving that positive recommendation/ reference upon leaving this job.

I hope you feel better, soon!

 

[Suzette]

Hugs to you @Owliet, as it has already been mentioned, employers are rather dispassionate about their employees feelings. It never seems quite fair because we spend so much of our time at our jobs the whole business is important to us.
But from the board room (or school board) to managers and supervisors, employees are often not much more that anthropamophized legos.
Try to develop at strategy for self care after work so that you can destress.
And please don't take this one job personally.

 

[Judge]

And IMO above all, don't let the generic concept of work define you.

Where there are just one too many factors to consider that you have no control over. So it would seem a travesty to build your world around what you do for a living to define who you are and what you want to be.

 

[Owliet]

I don’t really have much at this moment to respond more logical with anyone but thank you for responding. I did read your posts. Right now I just feel very low and my confidence in myself and my abilities are once again knocked. It’s hard enough to know that I won’t be kept on *although now I am thinking that it’s for the best for me, then to pick up the willpower to try to make it work again only to be undermined yet again because this woman still thinks it’s her job when she shouldn’t be intervening because it’s not her responsibility at the moment—would she be doing this to someone else? I keep being told how nice she is but she’s not. She’s not at all.

undermine me constantly
-Putting me down by telling others that I don’t have this, that they should approach someone else who does *but I do have a masters*
-is keeping in contact with people whilst on maternity leave, it’s not her responsibility and she shouldn’t be approachinG people who are essentially minors outside of school to show them baby pictures, make suggestions of what Isgould be doing with them to them.
-she had months to prep as she knew she was pregnant and she didn’t give me anything outside a scrap but of paper as a brief outline, prep time was for 2 hours, I git it inder 30 minutes. Everything I have done, unit plans , resources etc I’ve had to do from scratch. I got told today that it’s normal to begin in June the preparation work but I have not had that luxury. And it’s my stuff that I’ve done, she’s never given me anything. But was apparently working on stuff so where is it?

and of course, to have no mention in the newsletter thing as others had, I’m obviously not part of the staff and I’m not worthwhile of thought or mention like they were mentioned, I don’t belong here and I’m. Not accepted. I’m nothing. Just as I thought I am, and despite everything I have done it’s not been good enough. Nothing I do is good enough. I should be used to this feeling by now and yet it always surprises me.And upsets me.

im sorry, I wish I could post something more happier. More makes sense. And less upset. I’m in a loop again of these negative thoughts and it’s challenging to switch off. At least I have a psych appointment next week.

 

[Judge]

That time I knew my contract would run out...I must say it was not pleasant to be there any more.

It IS unsettling to say the least. Where everyone was to busy negotiating a new employer from an old one, on the same premises. And no one gave a thought of telling me where I stood. Yeah, sad times over the what otherwise amounted to the best job I ever had.

So yeah, what you are describing and feeling seems perfectly understandable from my perspective.

Take care and try not to beat yourself too often.

 

[iamlindsaythatisall]

I don’t really have much at this moment to respond more logical with anyone but thank you for responding. I did read your posts. Right now I just feel very low and my confidence in myself and my abilities are once again knocked. It’s hard enough to know that I won’t be kept on *although now I am thinking that it’s for the best for me, then to pick up the willpower to try to make it work again only to be undermined yet again because this woman still thinks it’s her job when she shouldn’t be intervening because it’s not her responsibility at the moment—would she be doing this to someone else? I keep being told how nice she is but she’s not. She’s not at all.

undermine me constantly
-Putting me down by telling others that I don’t have this, that they should approach someone else who does *but I do have a masters*
-is keeping in contact with people whilst on maternity leave, it’s not her responsibility and she shouldn’t be approachinG people who are essentially minors outside of school to show them baby pictures, make suggestions of what Isgould be doing with them to them.
-she had months to prep as she knew she was pregnant and she didn’t give me anything outside a scrap but of paper as a brief outline, prep time was for 2 hours, I git it inder 30 minutes. Everything I have done, unit plans , resources etc I’ve had to do from scratch. I got told today that it’s normal to begin in June the preparation work but I have not had that luxury. And it’s my stuff that I’ve done, she’s never given me anything. But was apparently working on stuff so where is it?

and of course, to have no mention in the newsletter thing as others had, I’m obviously not part of the staff and I’m not worthwhile of thought or mention like they were mentioned, I don’t belong here and I’m. Not accepted. I’m nothing. Just as I thought I am, and despite everything I have done it’s not been good enough. Nothing I do is good enough. I should be used to this feeling by now and yet it always surprises me.And upsets me.

im sorry, I wish I could post something more happier. More makes sense. And less upset. I’m in a loop again of these negative thoughts and it’s challenging to switch off. At least I have a psych appointment next week.

Temporary worker or not, you don't deserve to be treated in such a manner. THEY should have better prepared YOU for this position, and THEY dropped the ball. Not you. If they were taking issue with anything you were doing, they should have been there to give you guidance, not ridicule. For people in positions to help others learn, they don't seem to give a crap about teaching one of their own. You worked hard to get there, and you worked hard while taking on this position. That deserves to be recognized and appreciated.

As you can see, this stuff gets me heated. How can anyone be prepared for future careers if those with seniority are not willing to help people grow?! You should not have had to scramble like that, and I am very sorry that you had to do so. I hope you will find some place that will treat you better. What they are doing is not professional. I'm not sure if it's a NT thing or what, but it's not right.

I will say, in my experience in working in the public school system, it does just seem like a high school hierarchy. Cliques, gossip, bullies, etc. It's pretty disgusting, in my opinion. I'm not sure if that's how it is where you're located... hopefully that is NOT the case.

 

[Aspychata]

It's gotta be hard. You have to disconnect, and reapply. This is tough for us on the spectrum. Please stay strong. Don't give up.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

When an employer allows what you experienced to happen, it says a lot about the ethics at the top. You should not let this affect your self concept except to be relieved to see it end, however hard it is to face the job market once again. You know how you have been successful in your tasks.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

How can anyone be prepared for future careers if those with seniority are not willing to help people grow?!

Those people with senority that fail to develop their co workers or reports are the failures. Having received no help when I really needed some, I was determined never to withold help. There were two things that I did, the first was to observe for opportunities that let me define my role and work towards that. The second was to mentor my peers to teach them their craft using my knowledge and experience. Not only did I gain influence by doing the latter, but having somebody ready to step into my shoes, with continuity assured I was more free to step into the opportunities I recognized and nobody questioned that. Everybody won and it made my job more interesting. I have been surprised and was proud when years later I would receive notes from some of the people I helped, thanking me.

(added) when I started out in my manufacturing career, my anxiety in dealing with people was usually high, and it took me a decade before I learned that doing as I described let me think more positively about people, replacing anxiety with a sense of competence.

 

[Owliet]

So the woman who is undermining you is the woman you filled in for?

Yes. It is her. All throughout this, I have been met by obstacles from her. Unfortunately, for me I don’t have the tools to be able to fully cope so I appreciate all the advice and support that most of you are giving me on this thread. I’m trying to reset at home, and cat cuddles mean a lot. Sid is even awake now so it was nice to have a little lizard hug from him.

This is tough for us on the spectrum.

I have heard this be mentioned to me before. I’m going back to a autistic support place after June. I need to develop these skills or at least strengthen myself.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Yes. It is her. All throughout this, I have been met by obstacles from her.

You do know that other people will see what she does. Somebody like that will get no help from others willingly, something people like her don't understand until they are on the skids.

 

[Owliet]

You do know that other people will see what she does. Somebody like that will get no help from others willingly, something people like her don't understand until they are on the skids.

I’m being constantly told that she’s such an nice person who is instantly liked when you first meet her. This may be true for them, but for me it has been proven not true. Although, I don’t know if I’m being told that as a means for them to reassure themselves this, especially when it is also perceived that this is undermining and unacceptable behavior. I will get to the end of my contract and I will get support. It is obvious to me that if this job type is going to be like this, I can’t cope.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I’m being constantly told that she’s such an nice person who is instantly liked when you first meet her. This may be true for them, but for me it has been proven not true. Although, I don’t know if I’m being told that as a means for them to reassure themselves this, especially when it is also perceived that this is undermining and unacceptable behavior. I will get to the end of my contract and I will get support. It is obvious to me that if this job type is going to be like this, I can’t cope.

You hit the bullseye. Reassuring groupthink . . . I've heard of such about people going along to get along. Once in a supervisory capacity I just didn't. I saw my role as both representing my reports and my manager. I would keep my reports insulated from management stupidity, while the tasks and targets I agreed to with my manager were met by my reports. I learned it is best to underpromise and overdeliver. Once my manager, looking into an event I was blamed for, said to me; "Why did you take the blame for what X may have done?" I just said that I am responsible for the work my group turns out. Plus, I sorta knew that with the credibility I had, things would go easier for me.

 

[Owliet]

aww

He is the best.

I also think I need to also have support for my mental health. So there’s a lot to work towards. Again, I appreciate all support and advice.

You hit the bullseye. Reassuring groupthink . . . I've heard of such about people going along to get along

Does this mean that they create an image that they want to show other people ?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

He is the best.

I also think I need to also have support for my mental health. So there’s a lot to work towards. Again, I appreciate all support and advice.


Does this mean that they create an image that they want to show other people ?

I think so. a public face created by consensus.