I am scared of using the internet

[PastelPetals]

I used to love being on the internet. It was my way to get social connection. They don't interact in the same way and it was my way of transcending some of my social issues. When I first started being on the internet I was mostly on forums or in places like fandoms with mostly neurodiverse (most of the autistic) people but as time has passed more people are on the internet and I am less able to communicate right.

People use so many memes and slang that changes so quickly and there is so much nuance in it. There is always drama and people have gotten mad at me for saying things I knew to be true in my life but people assume I am like them and then call me names or assume I am prejudiced against autistic people or think bullying is ok etc (but I am autistic and have been bullied) I think it must be my phrashing but I don't want to tell everybody i'm autistic so I can talk about how I feel.

People make many general statements about groups of people that I don't fit all the way but I can't tell when things are meant for me or not and I get really anxious. The internet was my safe place but now I am too autistic for the internet and the real world. Now I have nowhere. How can I be on the internet when forums are less popular and even tumblr (the only social media I like since I can box myself away from drama since they only show me posts from people I follow) people are saying it's on it's way out.

 

[Misery]

You're not "too autistic for the internet".

Rather, the base nature of the Net is changing, and always has been... this is nothing new.

The same concepts still apply: You need to find the RIGHT places, and avoid the WRONG places.

Dont use Twitter, Facebook, or similar sites. DO use sites like this one.

As for sites vanishing, again, that happens all the time. Adaptation is necessary, as is browsing and exploration.

Tumbler is vanishing? Not surprising, it's sorta been on the way out for awhile.

So, find something else. I suggest starting here: https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/

On that site, you can not only meet others who are on the spectrum, but you could ask about where you might find other safe places on the Net.

Instead of spending so much mental energy HIDING the whole thing, it really is best to just be yourself. Believe me, people can tell when you're hiding something like that. I'm far too lazy and stubborn to do the whole "masking" thing, so I'm just outright blunt about it... I can still meet people and make friends on here. If I can do it, you can do it.

Note that this is all coming from someone who has been on the Net for a very, very, very long time. Just to give you an idea of HOW long and how much experience I have, look at this:

Ya know what these lovely things are? So many people these days dont have a clue what they're looking at when they see one. Your profile says you're 18... these are long before your time.

When I got started with the internet, AOL (America Online) was still frequently sending these blasted things to people at random to get them to sign up. Not that they needed to, they were super popular at the time. Modems still made digital screaming noises when connecting and your phone line had to not be in use to work.

In other words... yeah, I've a lot of experience with the Net. A heck of a lot.

And I've watched it change about a bazillion times, and had to adapt each time. Annoying, but that's just how the Net works. Old sites and services that I used to frequent would collapse, new ones would take their place. It has always been how it worked. It's always going to be how it works. That's the one part of the internet that DOESNT change.

If I can do it... and keep doing it... so can you. But it definitely takes some effort on your part, and a willingness to learn and explore.

Like I said... you arent too autistic (or too anything, really) for the Net. You're not. Give that attitude the boot, and dive back in and put in the effort to find new things and safe places. It's worth it.

 

[PastelPetals]

=
Like I said... you arent too autistic (or too anything, really) for the Net. You're not. Give that attitude the boot, and dive back in and put in the effort to find new things and safe places. It's worth it.

(quote reduced to take up less space)

Yes I know what floppy disks are but I have never used one haha.

It's less masking and more need to preface what you say with why you are qualified to say it.

The autistic people I meet in places apart from this one I can't seem to relate to. Especially people my age. I have higher needs and I find it hard to find people to understand things like transition programs and life skills training, why it's ok that my parents have certain legal powers (they do of course listen to me too), why I can't go most places alone etc.

Most people I see have jobs, friends, partners, families and lives that I will never lead. I guess I feel excluded by default even if I don't need to since I have a different situation.

I think the issue is most social places are becoming more and more like twitter (and twitter makes me have panic attacks) thank you for the reddit link I am actually joined on my reddit account already along with some other subreddits pertaining to my life and diagnosis.

Thank you for your advice. I do just need to find new places even though it's hard.

 

[Progster]

People use so many memes and slang that changes so quickly and there is so much nuance in it.

I find this difficult, too. A lot of it is based on pop culture, and I don't follow pop culture. I don't get reference humour. I also don't understand a lot of the acronyms that get used, people are so fond of writing acronyms and because that acronym might be understood in their country or circles, it is assumed that everyone is going to know it, which is not the case on an international platform.

 

[Thinx]

This is the only place I go to where I interact. I went to a couple of places where people were weird and mean, this was back in the time of floppy discs , and so I stopped. By around 25 years later I knew I was autistic, and came here. Mostly I just Google stuff I am interested in. That's really interesting in itself.

Could you think about, at some stage, starting a suitable place? I don't know how that's done, but there seems to be a gap you are finding, that needs someone who could take the time to set up something.

 

[Sarah S]

If i had a dollar /cent whatever lowest money there is for every time i have been misunderstood / managed to hurt someone etc.... on line i would be multi milonere my young friend. But im not im as poor as church mouse . I have lost count on how many times i had to explain my self and ask for forgivnes.

Its all part of our diagnose sadly BUT we shouldent feel we cant be online just for this tho . As you said Internet have been youre safe heaven (same for me ) and still is so leaving this is NOT the right way to go

Like others have said you just need to find the right places (again i have lost count on how many places i tried just to see it wasent the right for me and i left )

Internet is like the reel world in the since that you have to search around to find youre place my friend

In my case the so called social medias is a no go zone as there is to much BS going on in there and the only one im in is FB and that ONLY to be able to keep contact the few reel friends and of course family i have & my special interests . I stay mainly silent in there & dont post and most definetly dont share anything.

& forums well lets just say im very selective which ones im in and its within a very narrow window (again my interests , and of course in here were i belong )

So in conclusion NO repeat NO youre NOT to much Autistic or any other NP diagnose to be on the net my young friend. You just need to find the right places were you can feel safe and welkomed and above all accepted.

Oh and STOP comparising yourself to others you are YOU and same as me we both have been given a few extra burdens in our life that makes things more complicated and sometimes not possible sadly but that DONT mean we are any less worth as a human being it just means we are difrent thats all.

 

[Progster]

I don't get most memes either, don't know why they are supposed to be funny and why they are deliberately written with spelling mistakes or bad grammar. I often don't know how the picture relates to the text.

 

[Misery]

It's less masking and more need to preface what you say with why you are qualified to say it.

There's no actual need to do this though. Just say what you want to say. If someone should get bothered because you did not do this thing, then there's no issue, because they werent going to be worth chatting with anyway.

 

[hatfullofrain]

View attachment 67028

Ya know what these lovely things are? So many people these days dont have a clue what they're looking at when they see one. Your profile says you're 18... these are long before your time.

Sorry, off topic, but I read an anecdote that someone had a floppy disk sitting on her table and was using it as a coaster and her niece picked it up and said, "Cool! You 3D printed the save icon."

 

[Judge]

I remember when I had such an epiphany, though it was many years ago. Around 2000 as I recall. The day I decided it was necessary to purchase Black Ice Defender firewall software for my operating system that didn't have one. When I realized the Internet was an inherently dangerous place.

Though it had nothing to do with socialization or directly interacting with total strangers. I had done that for years before on systems like Prodigy, even before the advent of the Internet itself. Funny to think that back then people seemed to be less opinionated and more interested in just having fun.

But the idea that my computer could be invaded and maliciously damaged concerned me greatly. That point in time when the Internet had lost its innocence.

 

[OkRad]

I went without internet or puter for a year. It was really weird. I started to get super disconnected. It was nice but scary. My mind went into some weird retro-place with only memory to aid anything. No recipes, no way to get telephone numbers, no way to get with friends. It was so weird.

People want me to say it was enlightening, cleansing, etc. It was just plain destabilizing and scary.

I don't miss it. It was scary.

 

[Major Tom]

I spent roughly 10 months of my recent life and my whole childhood without the internet. I remember those times fondly. I actually did stuff with people and was MUCH more active. I'd like to go back to that at some point.

 

[OkRad]

I spent roughly 10 months of my recent life and my whole childhood without the internet. I remember those times fondly. I actually did stuff with people and was MUCH more active. I'd like to go back to that at some point.

Can you do it?

 

[Major Tom]

Can you do it?

Not at the moment, but at some point I will do it again. Maybe permanently. Or only use it for learning how to do new things.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

YOU are OK, any mistakes I make are due to the stroke, sorry for any body I screw up.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

I wish you well. I dont know much about IT, the net, what a meme is, or much of that. I think maybe your first respond was insightful, maybe its like a great restraunt that gets too popular and then the service goes to hades, and you find another place to go?
I like this forum alot, also discord. You can start your own, for free. Its a ez platform for communication, is it safe? No clue. Wordpress is fun too. Then i can see what you wrote and pictures too.
I think the net is very crowded and commercialized. I really like the forum style, and this site is just great. I guess use what works. Happy day

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Not wanting to use the internet is actually healthy. Nowadays, we're nearly all cyber junkies. Even on vacation or at work, people are checking their phones. To be as off-grid as possible, technologically is an immense advantage. You have less of a footprint, less big brother over your back, you can't hack someone if they have no internet identity. And you're not stressed over if someone commented on this or that. You just live and function in the world. And that is beautiful.

 

[Kirsty]

Tumbler is vanishing? Not surprising, it's sorta been on the way out for awhile.

’Tumblr’ actually. I’m glad it’s vanishing. I was forced to join years ago by tutors in college. We all were. After college, I didn’t look at it or logged in again.

 

[The Lorax]

While I am an NT I used to be concerned with what other people think of me. Not anymore. So this is how I view the world and others in 2 steps. Maybe it will help, maybe it won't.

### STEP 1, I changed my perspective about my life.
In the world....
27m people are still slaves, literally

730 million live in abject poverty so bad none of us could even consider that a livable situation and would lose our minds.

1 billion don't have clean water.

5.5 of 7.7 billion live in oppressive or poor countries.

There have been ~100 billion people that have ever lived. Almost all of them died in a horrible way living under horrendous conditions.

I live in my own climate controlled home.
I have clean water
I have electricity
I have luxuries
I have healthcare
I have good food
I have internet

I live in the top 0.1% of all humans that ever existed
The difference between me and a rich person is that they got more stuff but they certainly aren't more happy.

### STEP 2, I examined who I was.
Am I kind? Yes. My #1 trait in a person I look for.
Am I a good person? Yes
If someone doesn't like me they can get stuffed, stick it up their ass, go climb a tree, stick their head in the sand. I don't need that person or want them.

I know it is very difficult for people with anxiety and depression to get over the hump. The above helped me a lot by changing my perspective of how I see things and viewing the qualities I want in myself and others I want to be friends with. It's ok to just have internet friends that you chat with. My son has very few real friends and many he talks to and plays with over the internet. Times have changed since I was a kid and played Army outside. Now they play Army inside. The world has god digital. Your opportunities to find groups of people to be friends with is enormous. I got unbelievably lucking finding my wife. She has ASD + ADD + depression + an giant intellect and I got lucky!! I thought I maybe would get married after 40, maybe. I couldn't find a match. Dating services were not there yet.

But today? You can find all sorts of people online. I know friends that are less charismatic and less attractive and they have had more opportunity to meet people than I ever had. You just need to research. Like here on this forum you have a group.

Look if crazy people that think the earth is flat and the moon landings were staged can find a social group to find friends so can everyone else. This forum is proof of it.

Ignore the idiots on FB, Imgur, or where ever. My FB account is not a business account so I stay away from that toxic mess. My Twitter account is business. Find your own groups. If you are brilliant join Mensa. The people there are just as unique as you are and incredibly interesting to meet and talk to. I dont even go on MSNBC, CNN, FOX or none of those for profit fill your head with negativity news channels. I read positive things like science, technology, psychology, history. This gives me a wide field of subjects to explore with others and they are positive.

If you like flowers find a flower group.

If you like art find an art group.

Find some common interest group.

If you like WW2 history find a group for that.

I am not dismissing your depression or anxiety or ASD. I am just trying to offer possible tools to help you be happier and overcome them. I know quite a few friends that have these situations. 2 of my closest friends are suffering at the moment. One won't take calls from anyone the other is losing his mind. I try and help.

 

[OkRad]

Not at the moment, but at some point I will do it again. Maybe permanently. Or only use it for learning how to do new things.

I may try again, too, to be honest. I have actually been thinking about this post. If you do, let me know. Of course, we can't check in to make sure we are dong it. HA! But some kind of ethereal support....