i feel different i feel angry at what i have and i have had it well my whole life but it just recently came to my attention too. either way, i am still struggling to deal with it.
This is a common introduction. Many folks feel this way. It is a combination of having these feelings of somehow being a failure at being "normal", sometimes having people point that out to you, directly or indirectly, since you were a child, and no matter what you do, nothing seems to change.
Well, welcome to the club.
One, you don't need someone else's approval to be you. Two, you are not "normal",...so let that go. It is quite damaging to desperately seek out being someone else, whether it be a teenage girl looking at unachievable images of supermodels, or autistics trying to mask themselves into being neurotypical. Depression, anger, frustration,...real things.
People have read this many times from me on here, but for certain, at no point in our human existence has there been any significant contribution to humanity from anyone at any time by being the same as everyone else. Someone, sometime, had to deviate from the norm, had to come up with new ideas,...and yes, deal with all the pushback from the masses who settled their lives comfortably in "sameness" and predictability. Right now, we are witnessing a fellow autistic, Elon Musk, push his ideas of a sustainable energy, electric vehicles, and human existence in space. A good chunk of my investment portfolio is with Tesla, and I am making a lot of money right now,...I'm betting on Elon!
Not everyone who is autistic has the aptitudes of an Elon Musk, Albert Einstein, Nikola Tesla, Galileo, Divinci, and others, but quite likely, you, I, and many others do have stereotypical autistic asymmetrical intelligences. We may not excel at many things, but there are things that we likely do excel at. Bottom line,...don't waste your mental energy focusing upon what you can't do,...push it into the things you are good at. If that means getting out of the "mainstream" job market, setting up shop at home, being your own boss, and making it work from home,...so be it.
It's a crazy, messed-up world out there,...and statistically, I am going to suggest that it is neurotypical behavior patterns that are the root cause of it. So, don't be so hard on yourself trying to be like them. You will get to a point in your life, perhaps have an epiphany of sorts,...and you will ask yourself,..."Why would I ever want to be like them?"
Personally, I embrace my "observing alien" persona sometimes. I step back and just shake my head in a combination of confusion, disgust, and anger,..."They've lost their fool heads out there,...look at them!" Embrace the autism,...don't reject it,...use it to your advantage, and make the world a better place.
