• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

I always had a feeling I didn't know how to call, now I'm knew it's because of masking and living in surviving mode my whole life

P

pawula

Active Member
Hi, I joined that forum a long time ago but was quietly reading some threads without introduction or any interaction there. I was simply unsure if I really belong here, so I tried to compare described experience of some of you with mine, to analyze myself and prove that I have real reasons/symptoms of neurodiversity, because I don't able to diagnose myself in my country, I previously tried and it's unfortunately impossible for now.

So, my observation ended up with conclusion I am in fact autistic and have ADHD, but I do know that's pathological and It was passed down to me from relatives, so I'm trying to not blame or shame myself even more, like I did my whole life, especially during socialization in highschool. If someone were able to help me when I were so hurt and scared in my teen ages, maybe I'll be more satisfied and less disappointed with myself.

But here I am now, in my 20s, stuck in that timeline, frozen in moment, always wondering and thinking about that time. I feel so hopeless and empty now that I'm know what exactly is wrong with me, and at the same time it's giving me hope to unravel and learn how to function and treat myself better.

So yeah ;-3
It's pleasure to be here. I'm thankful I found that site and now working on my understanding of myself, I feel like I've done some progress since I firstly found out about my diversity.
Internet is a great thing :)
 
Hello and welcome, @pawula. Glad to hear you feel like participating. I hope that you continue to have a good experience here.
 
pawula said:
Hi, I joined that forum a long time ago but was quietly reading some threads without introduction or any interaction there. I was simply unsure if I really belong here, so I tried to compare described experience of some of you with mine, to analyze myself and prove that I have real reasons/symptoms of neurodiversity, because I don't able to diagnose myself in my country, I previously tried and it's unfortunately impossible for now.

So, my observation ended up with conclusion I am in fact autistic and have ADHD, but I do know that's pathological and It was passed down to me from relatives, so I'm trying to not blame or shame myself even more, like I did my whole life, especially during socialization in highschool. If someone were able to help me when I were so hurt and scared in my teen ages, maybe I'll be more satisfied and less disappointed with myself.

But here I am now, in my 20s, stuck in that timeline, frozen in moment, always wondering and thinking about that time. I feel so hopeless and empty now that I'm know what exactly is wrong with me, and at the same time it's giving me hope to unravel and learn how to function and treat myself better.

So yeah ;-3
It's pleasure to be here. I'm thankful I founded that site and now working on my understanding of myself, I feel like I've done some progress since I firstly found out about my diversity.
Internet is a great thing :)
Click to expand...
First of all, welcome.:)

Like so many of us with an ASD, there is this thing we do to ourselves, often triggered by depression (common in ASDs), is that we get inside of our heads WAY too much. It's called rumination, and it only makes our mental health worse. It can be debilitating if allowed to fester.

Our life experiences shape who we are as people. On a positive note, this is good. Ideally, over time, we would want to become wise. Wisdom = Knowledge + Experience + Mistakes. So, when it comes to the component of life experience, we want to USE that experience to benefit us. We want to learn from it, especially if it was a bad experience. If you are twisting your life experience into some debilitating, psychological condition, no good comes of it. You need to eliminate that. Change your perspective and approach.

Water under the bridge. What happened, happened. Use it for good. Eyes forward. It's a dangerous, difficult thing driving a car forward when you're highly focused on what is in the rearview mirror.

Many of us spend WAY too much time thinking inwardly, while missing out on all the other things we could be doing with our lives. Break the cycle, get out there and start doing things for other people. Outward thinking. I think you'll find yourself being a much happier person.

How rumination harms your mental health

Rumination: A Cycle of Negative Thinking.
 
Nothing wrong with diagnosing yourself, I did just trust you ate correct. over time you will stop second guessing yourself. Fortunately I do not go around second guessing, worked well for me, in life and career. Also my attitude is you cannot control what you cannot control.
 
Welcome to the site. l learned so much at this forum. We are all on this surfboard ride together, if you fall off, just get back on and keep riding and not judging yourself. l have fallen off my board, smashed into the rocks, struggle to get my self together, yet l keep getting right back on that surfboard and paddling out to sea. My wipeouts are becoming less, l feel more in control, l have more boundaries, and l am becoming less triggered, and have way less ruminating dark thoughts. More experienced at handling things.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom