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I actually got an apology from my parents today.

Discussion in 'Help and Support' started by Metalhead, Jan 13, 2022.

  1. Metalhead

    Metalhead Video game and movie addict. V.I.P Member

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    The optimist in myself wants to take this apology at face value.

    This was over the painful time after I had to move back into their house when I was 25, after I lost my job and my plans to move to another part of the country failed due to me having a complete nervous breakdown. My mother and stepfather at the time presented a united front against me seeking out medical care and told me I needed to land a job and move out ASAP.

    That particularly hurt because they let my sister recover for almost three years after she went through something similar.

    They admitted to me that their approach at that time was wrong, and that they knew a lot less about clinical depression and nervous breakdowns back then than they do now. They thought that mental health care was a luxury item and that all I needed to snap me out of my funk was a solid job, not realizing that I was losing job after job due to me being completely catatonic at the time.

    I think I will accept this apology, and never speak of this incident again. I think having both parents now with their own individual therapy sessions is a decent sign that they are making an effort. I also know that the narcissism my mother displayed to me throughout her life was taught to her by her mother, who learned it from her mother.

    I remain guarded and will still uphold my boundaries.

    I also think it is a good sign that my mother offered me a slice of all meat pizza to be dropped off at my house, and she did not take any personal offense when I told her I could not accept that with my new diet. A few years ago, it would have been a drama fest over nothing.
     
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  2. Suzette

    Suzette Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I am glad you accept this appology. I am certain it was heartfelt. Your mother and stepfather sound like they have experienced some personal growth. That is a very good thing because it means, even if they get it wrong sometimes, they are looking.
    That is pretty rare to find. Cherish it, and them.
     
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  3. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Ok, cherish it, but also, be cautious. I like that you see the way your mother got to be how she is, that's great, because seeing her as a real person and not as an all powerful witch is useful. But hopefully this also comes with the knowledge that these people can't adequately parent, and you can look after yourself better by keeping a distance.

    It's great they are getting help, they need it. I'm surprised too, did they seek therapy then?
     
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  4. Alexej

    Alexej Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Both seem like a good plan to me. Glad you go the apology
     
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  5. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes V.I.P Member

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    Very surprising to read this. This must help with validating your feelings of how they treated you. Hopefully this won't retrigger anything. My mom has an amazing ability to trigger me and it's because of her strange way of viewing tbings. Sounds like progress on your diet. Excellent news on that home front. If you get in great shape now, your later years will be a little easier. We loose bone mass and flexibility, then just pure motivation to gym it can also disappear by sixties. Please up your intake of lean protein every year as this helps keep your tone and muscle mass.
     
  6. Metalhead

    Metalhead Video game and movie addict. V.I.P Member

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    They did not seek out therapy when I was younger. But they are there now, and I guess better late than never? I still do not trust them as far as I can throw them, but at least I can appreciate their effort here.

    My mother has an excellent talent for triggering me, and I have to learn to develop spiritual Teflon to deflect it. I am almost 43 now, and I have to take better care of my body if I want to live to see 80 or 90. No more booze, no more Popeye chicken, cut way back on the Mary Jane, go to the damn gym several times a week, eat a balanced diet. Those are what I am working on now.
     
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  7. Metalhead

    Metalhead Video game and movie addict. V.I.P Member

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    I think I have reached a mutual agreement with my parents to never discuss painful moments between us again. They are in therapy now, they are making progress, I am not going to say all is forgiven and forgotten but I am also going to try to be fair with them considering some of the things I pulled before I got the right mental health treatment myself.

    And their parents were abusive, which is not an excuse for their past behavior, but it goes a long way in explaining why they thought it was OK at the time.
     
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  8. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    This sounds like progress. I hope this progress will be sustained. It sounds like you think there was some poor behaviour on your part, when you were still caught up in the confusion abuse causes back then, perhaps?

    It takes time for people to change, and even then they will have limitations and relapses into old behaviours. Probably a good idea to keep your boundaries firm and work on your own self parenting, which seems much better now?
     
  9. Storm Hess

    Storm Hess Permanent Spaceman

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    That's good to hear.