hurting myself when having a meltdown

[hannahhannah]

Hi everyone
I have a question. I don't usually talk about it but lately I feel like it's getting worse.
I've only known for about 2 years that have Asperger's. I have always had moments when I couldn't really control myself anymore and would break things, punch doors or walls or myself (never other people) but never in a way that I was actually hurt. Since I lived without knowing that I have Asperger's for almost 32 years, I have only recently realized that those are meltdowns. However, over the last couple of months I started to have the urge to hurt myself directly instead of by means of hitting hard objects. I never actually have, but I'm afraid I will. I'm not talking about life threatening injuries, but I still feel like it's a dangerous road to go down. So far by hurting myself i mean pinching myself really hard or pulling my hair. I sometimes think maybe cutting myself a little would make me feel better, but it's more in my head and I don't think I actually ever will. Has anyone experienced such urges and what did you do? I guess I'm just hoping that some of you have similar meltdowns and have some tips for me.
I am not at danger to kill myself!!!!!

Have a great day!

 

[tree]

It sounds like you're asking about how to deal with anger and frustration.

What sorts of situations are prompting your urge to impact your body?

 

[hannahhannah]

It sounds like you're asking about how to deal with anger and frustration.

What sorts of situations are prompting your urge to impact your body?

Thank you for your answer.
yes, I guess I am
It's not one particular thing.... I think generally speaking it's when it just "becomes too much" for me and sometimes it really isn't that bad if I look at it after the fact. For example today the straw that broke the camel's back was when it turned out that IKEA is moving their storage house and that's why deliveries take longer than usual but apparentely they don't feel the need to inform their customers on their homepage.
Context: I am currently finishing my BA in psychology and have 2 more papers to write. I lived abroad for the last couple of years but returned to my home country 2 weeks ago. In order to write those two papers I'm "hiding" in my parents' mountain/holiday apartment. When I started to work last week I realized that there is no chair on which I can comfortably sit, that has wheels and where in can regulate its height (I need the right chair to table height ratio to work). I generally need a certain environment to work well. So I ordered a chair at IKEA which was supposed to be here after 5 days max. It's been 8 days now so I called and it turned out that at the moment it can take up to 14 days.
I have gotten more or less comfortable here by now, but I really need this chair. My back is killing me from the chair I'm using and I have to sit on like 3 pillows to make it high enough. It's just not comfortable and I'm hating it. On top of that I'm struggling with the papers and I'm closer to my parents here (geographically) which is very challenging for me as my mother and I have an extremely difficult relationship. I guess it was all that that just made me loose it.
First I just hit the table, then I slammed a door and then hit my head and thighs (not new) and scratched myself pretty hard. It didn't bleed, but I can still see it on my hand. Now, about 2 hours and an advil later, I can work more or less productively again. I just wish I could handle such situations in a better/more adaptive way, preferably also one that doesn't scare my beloved dog.

 

[Wolfnox]

Try music and exercise. Also the dog can help if those frustrations return. Rubbing and petting your dog will help relieve those emotions. Plus the dog loves it.

 

[Creep]

I like rubbing an ice cube on my face. Great question.

 

[hannahhannah]

Try music and exercise. Also the dog can help if those frustrations return. Rubbing and petting your dog will help relieve those emotions. Plus the dog loves it.

unfortunately, she isn't helpful at all:-( She get's scared and hides in a corner....
Nah, that's not gonna work. Also, I do exercise but in the evening. Disrupting my schedule will do the opposite and make everything worse.....

 

[hannahhannah]

I like rubbing an ice cube on my face. Great question.

Interesting.... sounds like it be soothing plus it occupies the hands and it's an uncomfortable feeling without hurting.... I will definitely try that! Thanks!!!

 

[SDRSpark]

I have struggled with/do struggle with this too.

For years I didn't understand it. I couldn't fathom why, for instance, two people having a conversation in the room I happened to be in would make me so angry that I'd punch myself. I've had meltdowns where I punch myself, stab myself with a fork, pull my hair, bite myself. For me, non stop human contact is the biggest trigger - there was one period of time where I was stuck training multiple people at once (my already poor executive function skills were stretched to the max) and one of my trainees was particularly clingy- despite spending all of our working hours with me, she wanted to spend her breaks with me too. I had no time to relax, unwind, catch my breath. It was non stop human contact all day every day. I had meltdowns at work. I am not proud of this, at all.

There are certain activities I just have to avoid if I don't want it to happen.

I absolutely cannot work fast food/gas station type situation. Before I knew what meltdowns were, I was having them at work. I didn't understand why I flew into a rage when I was at work, just that I did, and I couldn't control it. My meltdowns turned dangerous then.

I've been told that "if you had those symptoms you would have been diagnosed as a child" um.....nope! Here I am having those symptoms, lol.

For me, the biggest thing (after finding out that sensory processing issues are a thing, and meltdowns are a thing, so I knew WHAT I was dealing with) was figuring out what my triggers are (for me it's lack of sleep, too much contact with people/not enough down time) and avoiding those triggers. It means setting boundaries and defending them (which is a challenge sometimes - people think that pushing someone outside of their comfort zone is a GOOD THING that leads to growth, and sometimes, it does. But my boundaries exist for a damned good reason. No one is doing my any favors by pushing me to exceed my limits.) It means not taking too much on so that I can be sure I have enough of the required down time. It takes practice, and learning NEW boundaries, and new coping skills, and learning how to be assertive so that I can make sure that my needs are being met. It means slipping up sometimes, feeling bad, and learning how not to make that mistake again so that it doesn't happen again.

As an easy, passive thing, a weighted blanket helps me a lot. I have two, one on my bed and one in the living room. If I'm relaxing at home, I'm often under my weighted blanket. It doesn't take a lot of work or struggle (except for laundry day - a 20 lb blanket makes laundry day interesting.) It's something I can do without much thought or energy. I sleep better. When I go on vacation or something, I notice the absence of the blanket, believe me.