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How to say I don't wanna be friends anymore

F

ftfipps

Well-Known Member
There is this person in my life that I do bad stuff with and don't want to be her friend anymore. How do I politely make a clean break from her and cut her out of my life? I have known her for five years and I talk to her on the phone EVERY day, several times a day. She is the only person I can talk to about anything. She considers me to be her best friend but we do irresponsible stuff(not anything sexual, She is 61 and I am 24). Just gambling. To be honest I just use her to borrow money from on occasion and I'm very ashamed of it, but I am all payed up on my debt to her and Just want to move on with my life.
 
Breaking a friendship will always have some pain involved. Tell her you're gonna turn over a new leaf, and if there are any good memories thank her for them. But emphasize that you are moving on.
 
Ye old... need to quit my gambling habit, and we need to take a break from each, till I'm on firm ground.... with this gambling problem.... Do you want to go to gamblers anonymous together with me? Are you sure? Walk out disappointed..

Give yourself some time and space .... before you make a permanent solution, is my suggestion. Good luck!
 
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Parting ways and moving on is a common and healthy aspie activity. I've had to drop lots of friends in my life, due to anxiety, toxic behavior, them being a general negative influence in my life. Normally I would suggest slowly backing away, making the interactions further apart and making up some health excuse that causes them to back off. Next time I need to do this I'm thinking of pretending I have nits. This all saves retaliation on their part and can end as well as possible.

However. In your case, with the gambling and such an age difference, I would advise abrupt. Assuming there is no damage she can cause to your life in retaliation, I would say break it off quickly before you relapse. Therefore, explain to her face if possible (if she is unstable then use the phone), and explain that you want to move away from toxic pursuits and build a life for yourself. Say things like 'you care a great deal for her' or other such mushy crap, and then make it clear that you won't be in touch again. Hopefully she won't throw things or threaten suicide (I've been there, not pleasant, but people react the way they react and you have to accept this). So I would say get on with it. Also join a support group if the gambling resurfaces, that's not healthy, especially with our obsessive and addictive tendencies.
 
Basically tell her exactly what you told us, and then cut it off surgically. No sense to dragging out goodbyes.
 
Bella Pines said:
Parting ways and moving on is a common and healthy aspie activity. I've had to drop lots of friends in my life, due to anxiety, toxic behavior, them being a general negative influence in my life. Normally I would suggest slowly backing away, making the interactions further apart and making up some health excuse that causes them to back off. Next time I need to do this I'm thinking of pretending I have nits. This all saves retaliation on their part and can end as well as possible.

However. In your case, with the gambling and such an age difference, I would advise abrupt. Assuming there is no damage she can cause to your life in retaliation, I would say break it off quickly before you relapse. Therefore, explain to her face if possible (if she is unstable then use the phone), and explain that you want to move away from toxic pursuits and build a life for yourself. Say things like 'you care a great deal for her' or other such mushy crap, and then make it clear that you won't be in touch again. Hopefully she won't throw things or threaten suicide (I've been there, not pleasant, but people react the way they react and you have to accept this). So I would say get on with it. Also join a support group if the gambling resurfaces, that's not healthy, especially with our obsessive and addictive tendencies.
Click to expand...

“Or some other mushy crap”

For some reason I can’t stop laughing at that. :tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy:

This does sound like good advice though. Option 1 is what I would normally suggest, but option 2 sounds like it might be better in this case.
 
That's a tough one. I've had many good friends leave me in the dirt and I take it pretty hard. I've never "broken up" with a friend, personally. The few people I've removed myself from were controlling, abusive partners- I want to say that's different, but it might not be. I would say it's different because in my case, I get to live with bitter, angry, hateful men who never seem to go away no matter how far I get or how many years have passed. Yet, I imagine that any relationship of any kind can end up with that kind of result. For me, at least, I wasn't attached to their feelings so there was no "sorry, but I have to go now". More like "I'm done, never contact me again".

Are you worried at all about the reaction you may get of this? Does your friend seem stable, rational, and kind? Or might she be prone to meltdowns, outbursts, resentment, and other chaotic, uncontrolled behavior? I think your answer to this question will largely affect how you go about this.

I'm under the impression that the answer may be the latter, if you're desiring to end all contact, versus explain to her "I want to be friends, I just can't keep doing this. Let's find new things to do or a new way to connect." But I try not to assume :)

Sorry you're in this pickle :/ It's not a fun one to be in! And things are never as simple as they should be!
 
And...get a new phone number. Is she the one calling you, or is it mutually back and forth? Understand that there may have been times when you encouraged her too. Once you tell her, then change your number, and delete her number. Do not cave in and call her.
 
Personally I would go for the talk it over way of ending this.
Tell her you don't want to continue with the gambling and be firm, be strong and stand your ground
on the subject.
Addictions and irresponsible behaviours can often feed off each other.
If she has a connection with you, putting your foot down and letting her know you no longer want
to do these things might have a positive influence on her and it would avoid any hard feelings
or the hurt of an abrupt goodbye.
If that doesn't work and she wants to keep on the way she is, that's her business, but that is the
time to make the break.
I had to do this once with a friend who kept trying to get me involved in something similiar to your
issue and I gave a final warning if the subject was spoken about one more time I would ask him to
leave and never see me again.
He promised to change, but, addiction can be so great that it over rules.
The same old stuff was brought up again the next time and I held true, reminded him of what I had said
and that was it.
Fortunately there were no repercussions. We just went our own ways. No more contact.
 
Bella Pines said:
Parting ways and moving on is a common and healthy aspie activity. I've had to drop lots of friends in my life, due to anxiety, toxic behavior, them being a general negative influence in my life. Normally I would suggest slowly backing away, making the interactions further apart and making up some health excuse that causes them to back off. Next time I need to do this I'm thinking of pretending I have nits. This all saves retaliation on their part and can end as well as possible.

However. In your case, with the gambling and such an age difference, I would advise abrupt. Assuming there is no damage she can cause to your life in retaliation, I would say break it off quickly before you relapse. Therefore, explain to her face if possible (if she is unstable then use the phone), and explain that you want to move away from toxic pursuits and build a life for yourself. Say things like 'you care a great deal for her' or other such mushy crap, and then make it clear that you won't be in touch again. Hopefully she won't throw things or threaten suicide (I've been there, not pleasant, but people react the way they react and you have to accept this). So I would say get on with it. Also join a support group if the gambling resurfaces, that's not healthy, especially with our obsessive and addictive tendencies.
Click to expand...

I freaking adore Bella Pines. She is very concise and insightful with everything she says. She is who I was 10 years ago.
 
Everybody,

It started out as me being young(early 20's). I met this woman that seemed like a, I hate to use the word bohemian but not the norm and kind of kooky and interesting. Well, we started hanging out a lot. We are very similar people, dark and sardonic, but also loving and carefree. I had other friends but they all lived in other far away towns and ****. Over time we became best friends. I was kicked out by my parents and left with nowhere to go at age 21 and the lady let me sleep at her house and eat some food sometimes. We have seen each other through a lot. The only thing that she did that was pretty devastating was she introduced me to gambling and hard drugs which I struggle with to this day. It was the perfect storm and more than likely impeded my progress in life I would say. I am a drug addict and I feel empty inside and I don't want to go to any of the local free rehabs because they are cold, they smell like urine, the people there are disgusting, the beds they give you are merely a thin mat on top of a wooden box spring. The food is horrid reconstituted **** I wouldn't feed an animal. It is horrid! I don't know what to do.
 
Well I certainly don't in real life, I can assure you! My "managers" (and I say that with air quotes) hate me about as much as I hate paper napkins. My family mostly see me as dry entertainment and my friends... haha just kidding :)

So thank you kindly @WittyAspie and @ftfipps :kissingheart:
 
I want to end a frienship but it is a woman who lives opposite to me. She sucked me in by offering help to persuade the housing association to give me a ground floor flat, and with other things. I was pretty vunerable as I had no-one else to help me.

She has now drawn me into disputes she is having with four other tenants, couples, and I am now having relatiation noise from the couple above me, one of whom is mentally unstable.

It is just too much for me to cope with and especially as my 46 yr daughter committed suicide 4 months ago.

If anyone upsets this woman she is merciless and will turn all of her friends in the complex against me. How can I deal with it?
 
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