Hello everyone. I am posting on this forum for the first time seeking some guidance as we have just spent a week together with some old friends. We have teenage children and their sons are a couple years younger than ours. It was a *GREAT* time but as always their "little one" kept causing issues. For a long time it seemed like their younger son was acting way younger than his age because they were treating him like the "cute little one" well past when it should get long in the tooth but I saw some troubling patterns that my boys and wife also noticed.
I wouldn't call this kid low intelligence but it seems like he just doesn't 'get' anything. He wanders aimlessly, has no clue what he is saying or doing or talking about, asks strange questions often not related to the matter but doesn't listen or seem to have the curiosity to follow up in the answers or discussing any of what he asks. He just does it almost as if he's grabbing out for something, I don't know what and it seems like he doesn't either. I know perhaps a sign of mental illness is wanting to sample everything and this is the kind of kid that if you leave 8 identical cups of water for 8 different people to drink on a hot summer day instead of guzzling one down after running around he will take a sip from every single one almost to ruin it for everyone else but not maliciously. Or he will want to touch everything or taste everything even if he is not interested or cares about what he is touching or tasting. Most people who are so indecisive or sample so much would have a far greater degree of curiosity spurring that behavior but his detatchment from anything including the ability to learn from his actions is... disturbing. Yet as disturbing as his behavior is he never once becomes flustered or disturbed himself, ever.
Now I know very little about autism but he does seem to, in a very limited way, respond to social cues maybe better than just standard verbal feedback (close the door or you'll let all the cool A/C air out) although his response in general is very scattered and illogical to everything. He does say strange things but they are not repetitive, more out of place to the situation, it's almost like he just doesn't get... anything. He bumps into things, seems like he never knows what he is doing or where he is going even in pretty familiar places. When playing with him it's so easy to pull the wool over his eyes I used to do it when they were little because it's fun to fool little kids with white little funny, entertaining ridiculous lies and all the games when they are like 3yo but at this age it feels... cruel as it's too easy to fool him. Oddly the best way to reach him is through emotional cues because he doesn't seem to understand anything else but perhaps the most distressing thing of all I noticed today is the ice cream experience. He was so nonchalant and unemotional about going for ice cream with everyone else and was unsure whether to stay back with his parents and just sit there like a log. He almost wanted to stay with his parents but not in an anxious or separation anxiety way either. He was so undecided about the whole process and then when finally pushed and confronted with having to buy ice cream, he had no idea which flavor or what kind even though it was in front of his very eyes which was pretty bizzarre and shocking in an 11 year old kid.
I heard from his older brother this is a very pervasive pattern ,he almost flunked out of 5th grade and did poorly on his standardized tests this year. He's not violent, destructive, malicious, angry, rageful just disorganized, but not in a physical way like scattering his toys, more mentally. He's not obsessive on the other way either, he lacks bizzarre interests, but his way of thinking and living is... indeed bizarre. ZERO anxiety. Situations that should bring about distress or actions that would normally be committed to due to anxiety are.... totally stress free. It's almost like he is stoned all the time except we don't do that kind of stuff. Rather his entire behavior pattern and way of trudging through life lacks any motivation, logic or internal regulation. It's almost like he is a leaf floating in the wind but in everything he does mentally and physically. He doesn't carry any previous known issues and at least for a while led a pretty nice middle class life. Never seen a kid like this even having briefly worked with some mentally retarded and developmentally delayed boys and girls one summer volunteering in high school.
This is not my problem obviously but.... what should I think? This is a very delicate subject matter and I would hope his school will pick up on it but I honestly think there is something going on with this poor kid. His parents don't seem to think there is a problem and are happy to indulge "the poor little baby" (I am not kidding!) who is almost as tall as his mother and just needs extra 'protection'. But after seeing all this while I don't think being over indulgent is the right parenting approach, I think the problem stems from something far deeper.
Any insights?
I wouldn't call this kid low intelligence but it seems like he just doesn't 'get' anything. He wanders aimlessly, has no clue what he is saying or doing or talking about, asks strange questions often not related to the matter but doesn't listen or seem to have the curiosity to follow up in the answers or discussing any of what he asks. He just does it almost as if he's grabbing out for something, I don't know what and it seems like he doesn't either. I know perhaps a sign of mental illness is wanting to sample everything and this is the kind of kid that if you leave 8 identical cups of water for 8 different people to drink on a hot summer day instead of guzzling one down after running around he will take a sip from every single one almost to ruin it for everyone else but not maliciously. Or he will want to touch everything or taste everything even if he is not interested or cares about what he is touching or tasting. Most people who are so indecisive or sample so much would have a far greater degree of curiosity spurring that behavior but his detatchment from anything including the ability to learn from his actions is... disturbing. Yet as disturbing as his behavior is he never once becomes flustered or disturbed himself, ever.
Now I know very little about autism but he does seem to, in a very limited way, respond to social cues maybe better than just standard verbal feedback (close the door or you'll let all the cool A/C air out) although his response in general is very scattered and illogical to everything. He does say strange things but they are not repetitive, more out of place to the situation, it's almost like he just doesn't get... anything. He bumps into things, seems like he never knows what he is doing or where he is going even in pretty familiar places. When playing with him it's so easy to pull the wool over his eyes I used to do it when they were little because it's fun to fool little kids with white little funny, entertaining ridiculous lies and all the games when they are like 3yo but at this age it feels... cruel as it's too easy to fool him. Oddly the best way to reach him is through emotional cues because he doesn't seem to understand anything else but perhaps the most distressing thing of all I noticed today is the ice cream experience. He was so nonchalant and unemotional about going for ice cream with everyone else and was unsure whether to stay back with his parents and just sit there like a log. He almost wanted to stay with his parents but not in an anxious or separation anxiety way either. He was so undecided about the whole process and then when finally pushed and confronted with having to buy ice cream, he had no idea which flavor or what kind even though it was in front of his very eyes which was pretty bizzarre and shocking in an 11 year old kid.
I heard from his older brother this is a very pervasive pattern ,he almost flunked out of 5th grade and did poorly on his standardized tests this year. He's not violent, destructive, malicious, angry, rageful just disorganized, but not in a physical way like scattering his toys, more mentally. He's not obsessive on the other way either, he lacks bizzarre interests, but his way of thinking and living is... indeed bizarre. ZERO anxiety. Situations that should bring about distress or actions that would normally be committed to due to anxiety are.... totally stress free. It's almost like he is stoned all the time except we don't do that kind of stuff. Rather his entire behavior pattern and way of trudging through life lacks any motivation, logic or internal regulation. It's almost like he is a leaf floating in the wind but in everything he does mentally and physically. He doesn't carry any previous known issues and at least for a while led a pretty nice middle class life. Never seen a kid like this even having briefly worked with some mentally retarded and developmentally delayed boys and girls one summer volunteering in high school.
This is not my problem obviously but.... what should I think? This is a very delicate subject matter and I would hope his school will pick up on it but I honestly think there is something going on with this poor kid. His parents don't seem to think there is a problem and are happy to indulge "the poor little baby" (I am not kidding!) who is almost as tall as his mother and just needs extra 'protection'. But after seeing all this while I don't think being over indulgent is the right parenting approach, I think the problem stems from something far deeper.
Any insights?
