I have just come to realise that a former boyfriend has many Aspergers traits, he is completely wonderful, but we struggled on an 'emotional' level. It was only after a surprise trip (which triggered a meltdown of sorts) and complete shutdown that I even realised. After the trip I was going through all the things he had said to me, trying to re-process them literally and I remembered that he had once said he was autistic, something I thought was a joke at the time. But I looked into it nevertheless.
I care for this person deeply, and when I met him a week after this emotional trip, I mentioned very softly that it may be Aspergers. He looked very surprised but not upset, and then buried himself online reading about it. We have broken up so its difficult for me to be in contact with him but I feel compelled to help him. I know no one knows him as well as I do emotionally. His 'best' friend (they rarely see each other, but went to school together) described him as having had a difficult childhood with ASD in the family. He also described the many quirks/guises he had throughout their friendship.
I read this post online about Aspergers and it really struck a chord with me:
"When I was younger, I could have really benefited from knowing about my Asperger’s diagnosis (yes, I know Asperger’s is part of the Autism Spectrum Disorder now, but I still like to refer to it separately). While other users seem to be offended at the very idea of mentioning a condition to someone else, I find itfar more offensive that people would have noticed my difficulties and then let me suffer through them rather than making an observation that really could have helped. If you truly care about someone, then you won’t abdicate your responsibility to speak up when the situation calls for it. You should still be diplomatic about it, as mentioned previously, but you shouldn’t shirk your duty to speak up when you have something to say."
I am wavering between leaving him alone, I don't want to annoy him- perhaps knowing you have Aspergers doesnt necessarily change anything if you're happy with your life, is this right? After all he is 28 years old and has a comfortable life. And trying very tactfully to help him understand the difference he may feel (?), why he accepts that he'll always be alone etc. Is there a particular book that helped with understanding that difference? Perhaps I could just give him something to read? I don't think he'd be offended by it, but he may not have the patience to read something really lengthy unless he got interested in the subject.
I would be so grateful to hear about your experiences or insights.
I care for this person deeply, and when I met him a week after this emotional trip, I mentioned very softly that it may be Aspergers. He looked very surprised but not upset, and then buried himself online reading about it. We have broken up so its difficult for me to be in contact with him but I feel compelled to help him. I know no one knows him as well as I do emotionally. His 'best' friend (they rarely see each other, but went to school together) described him as having had a difficult childhood with ASD in the family. He also described the many quirks/guises he had throughout their friendship.
I read this post online about Aspergers and it really struck a chord with me:
"When I was younger, I could have really benefited from knowing about my Asperger’s diagnosis (yes, I know Asperger’s is part of the Autism Spectrum Disorder now, but I still like to refer to it separately). While other users seem to be offended at the very idea of mentioning a condition to someone else, I find itfar more offensive that people would have noticed my difficulties and then let me suffer through them rather than making an observation that really could have helped. If you truly care about someone, then you won’t abdicate your responsibility to speak up when the situation calls for it. You should still be diplomatic about it, as mentioned previously, but you shouldn’t shirk your duty to speak up when you have something to say."
I am wavering between leaving him alone, I don't want to annoy him- perhaps knowing you have Aspergers doesnt necessarily change anything if you're happy with your life, is this right? After all he is 28 years old and has a comfortable life. And trying very tactfully to help him understand the difference he may feel (?), why he accepts that he'll always be alone etc. Is there a particular book that helped with understanding that difference? Perhaps I could just give him something to read? I don't think he'd be offended by it, but he may not have the patience to read something really lengthy unless he got interested in the subject.
I would be so grateful to hear about your experiences or insights.
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