How to deal with overwhelming emotions

[Chang123]

Hi,
I am a 29-year-old female diagnosed with high functioning PDD-NOS when I was around 17.
I have always struggled with my emotions. Feelings such as anger and sadness become completely overwhelming, sometimes to the point where I get suicidal thoughts.
To deal with my emotions I started cutting on my thigh when I was around 12-years-old. Pain makes me calm down.
I don't cut deep at all (over the years I've managed to get only a few barely visible scars), that's not what it's about, it's about releasing the emotions and somehow by breaking the skin I am able to do so.

I barely ever do it, and actually probably haven't done it for 2 years until tonight.
It feels good but it's not a healthy habit.
Putting on loud music, crying is just not enough. I have no one to talk to and don't know how to deal.

Does anyone have tips on how to deal with overwhelming (negative) emotions?

 

[Homulilly]

I'm not a professional so take my words with a grain of salt. Pain makes brain release some "feel good" brain chemicals (dopamine being one, I think) and those can help one cope with difficult emotions. Maybe get checked if you are biologically low on those?

Short term solution for needing pain--try scratching a body part with fingernails or the tip of pen/pencil. I've only had red marks that lasted overnight. But if you tend to apply a lot of pressure (judging by not cutting deep, I don't think you are?), you might break your skin and end up with infections. Another method I've heard is to hold ice cubes in your hands. I don't personally like it because the pain feels different(?) but it's worth a try.

 

[Shaddock]

I'm not a professional so take my words with a grain of salt. Pain makes brain release some "feel good" brain chemicals (dopamine being one, I think) and those can help one cope with difficult emotions. Maybe get checked if you are biologically low on those?

Short term solution for needing pain--try scratching a body part with fingernails or the tip of pen/pencil. I've only had red marks that lasted overnight. But if you tend to apply a lot of pressure (judging by not cutting deep, I don't think you are?), you might break your skin and end up with infections. Another method I've heard is to hold ice cubes in your hands. I don't personally like it because the pain feels different(?) but it's worth a try.

I´m not a therapist, but I think self-harming is no solution, it´s more a symptom of the problem. and I would not feel comfortable myself if I would recommend someone to hurt him-/herself, that would just feel wrong, independent from the intention.

I have no idea, but have you tried making a therapy? @Chang123

I also heard that people with dissociations use things like "peppermint oil" (very strong, I tried it myself because of curiosity (you have to smell it, but very strong and then your eyes start to tear) or a prickly ball, which you can hold in your hand and pressing it, so can you feel the touch and your hand. there are sure more "gadgets" like these. I don´t know if this would work with your problem, but it would be something without hurting oneself and it would also stimulate feelings.

 

[Homulilly]

I´m not a therapist, but I think self-harming is no solution, it´s more a symptom of the problem. and I would not feel comfortable myself if I would recommend someone to hurt him-/herself, that would just feel wrong, independent from the intention.

True, thus why I said short-term solution. Also a gradual process away from self-harming would help, instead of stopping everything related to self-harm at once. The ice cube method is recommended by a lot of therapists, by the way.

 

[Fino]

I wrote a book on that exact topic! It's actually called "How to Make the Bad Feelings Go Away" but I'm testing out an alternate title. If you PM me your email, I will send you the book for free!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09MBDQP3W

 

[Chang123]

I'm not a professional so take my words with a grain of salt. Pain makes brain release some "feel good" brain chemicals (dopamine being one, I think) and those can help one cope with difficult emotions. Maybe get checked if you are biologically low on those?

Short term solution for needing pain--try scratching a body part with fingernails or the tip of pen/pencil. I've only had red marks that lasted overnight. But if you tend to apply a lot of pressure (judging by not cutting deep, I don't think you are?), you might break your skin and end up with infections. Another method I've heard is to hold ice cubes in your hands. I don't personally like it because the pain feels different(?) but it's worth a try.

Thank you it's actually a good suggestion to kind of try to slowly start using less harmful methods.

 

[Chang123]

I´m not a therapist, but I think self-harming is no solution, it´s more a symptom of the problem. and I would not feel comfortable myself if I would recommend someone to hurt him-/herself, that would just feel wrong, independent from the intention.

I have no idea, but have you tried making a therapy? @Chang123

I also heard that people with dissociations use things like "peppermint oil" (very strong, I tried it myself because of curiosity (you have to smell it, but very strong and then your eyes start to tear) or a prickly ball, which you can hold in your hand and pressing it, so can you feel the touch and your hand. there are sure more "gadgets" like these. I don´t know if this would work with your problem, but it would be something without hurting oneself and it would also stimulate feelings.

Unfortunately I do not have access to therapy at the moment. I can hit my just diagnosed teen self in the head for refusing to talk during therapy since I was hiding a lot of mental health issues at that moment, mostly due to not being diagnosed and feeling different my whole life.

Peppermint oil is interesting, I will definitely give it a try.

 

[Chang123]

You know what, as a teenager and young adult, I used to self-harm, and then I got a gym membership. I am not athletic by any means, but pushing my body to the limits, and watching myself transform into a stronger, more confident me really did wonders. I never got skinny, but I loved the strength it brought me.

It was especially helpful when I was sad or anxious to up the incline or the weight on the machines, and take my frustration out on it. Listen to powerful music in your earbuds, and go to town on the machines.

Then when you're done, treat yourself to a smoothie... or chocolate. You earned it.

I actually really hate working out, I tried it for a while but I also have eczema which flares up every time I sweat so that definitely doesn't help with my motiviation.

I agree though that excercise helps with mental health. I have settled on a leisure bike ride with my dog every morning. It has actually helped improve my sleeping and my overal mood, and my dog is a very good motivator because he is extremely dissapointed if we don't go!

 

[Chang123]

I wrote a book on that exact topic! It's actually called "How to Make the Bad Feelings Go Away" but I'm testing out an alternate title. If you PM me your email, I will send you the book for free!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09MBDQP3W

That's so kind, I will do that

 

[Matthias]

I have always struggled with my emotions.

This is almost always caused by emotional neglect. If your parents paid more attention to your emotional states and discussed your emotions with you when you were a child, you probably wouldn't struggle with your emotions. When parents don't pay enough attention to their children and their emotions, difficulty understanding emotions and struggling with emotions is a natural consequence.

Does anyone have tips on how to deal with overwhelming (negative) emotions?

Yes. You can re-parent yourself by reading books about emotional intelligence to learn what your parents neglected to teach you.