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How to change my life

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Mary R, Apr 15, 2019.

  1. Mary R

    Mary R New Member

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    I have a part-time job. I feel I can't possibly work full-time time. Because of my low income I'm only able to afford a house share. The environment is very stressful at times.

    I don't see how I can find someone to have a relationship with. Men I liked were never interested back. I would love to be in a happy relationship but it seems so unlikely.

    I need change but I don't see how.
     
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  2. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear this, hope things get better for you soon. Is there a trusted family member or friend you can talk with at this time?
     
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  3. Lysander

    Lysander Well-Known Member

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    You should pat yourself on the back for even working. Unemployment among people with autism is something like 75-85%. Hold your head high and don't give up. Try going for a walk or jog to boost your spirits. Sometimes a simple thing can give you the strength you need to do something complex.
     
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  4. tlc

    tlc The Mackinac Bridge and U.P. is my happy place.

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    I don't know where you're from, or anything else about you, but here's my experience. I lived with my dad until I was 22 and desperately wanted out.

    For me to live on my own, I had to really cut corners. Had to drive an old car, and fix it myself with what parts I could find. Had to cut wood for heat, since heating with a gas furnace is too expensive. No smartphone, just a simple Tracfone, no cable TV. Shovel my own snow. My area is tourist driven, so you can't afford to live in town, on what the jobs in town pay. I had to choose a house 25 miles away that was in my price range, and it had issues that I learned to fix myself or live with.

    None of this was new to me, as this is how my parents had to live, and it's all I knew. I've gotten pay raises over the last 20 years, but expenses have also gone up, so most of this still applies to me.

    But it was still worth it, and it made me happier. If you're happier with the rest of your life, you might even be able to handle more hours and afford to make even more improvements to your life.
     
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  5. Mary R

    Mary R New Member

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    Thanks tducey. I made the mistake months ago of confiding in a coworker about Asperger's and other things. I fully trusted this person. It seems she told the other people we work with. Most of them are acting uncomfortable around me now. It's has been so hard to deal with all this. I nearly quit the job but I need the money. I'm a very private person. I don't know how I can ever trust anyone again.
     
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  6. Mary R

    Mary R New Member

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    Thanks Lysander. I didn't realise unemployment for was so high among people with autism. Your post is very encouraging.
     
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  7. Mary R

    Mary R New Member

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    Thanks tlc. I moved out of home young too. For years I rented an apartment on my own but I had to work full-time and it was exhausting. All I did outside of work was sleep. Part-time work suits better but sharing with people is not easy.
     
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  8. AloneNotLonely

    AloneNotLonely Well-Known Member

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    No you shouldn't.

    Plenty of people (how many depends on nation) that are perfectly able to work are sitting at home on benefits. So why should you break your back to work to pay for these people? If you want to work then work or if you have no possibility to go on benefits then that sucks, but don't let pride or whatever weird sense of obligation force you into work.

    Men you liked never being interested means you either you got rejected once or twice and now avoid men, you consistently go for the wrong types of guys, you are excessively weird or you are unattractive. The first 2 can be fixed and the second 2 just mean you need to improve what you can and find a guy that can look past that. There's plenty out there but they won't suddenly fall in your lap while you are fawning over Ty McMansion that only likes Tracy McBoobs.

    Finding a guy (or girl lol) is easy. The problem is finding a good one.
     
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  9. Mary R

    Mary R New Member

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    I don't avoid men at all. Not excessively unattractive but I have scars from childhood burn. Used to hate how I looked. I've since worked on self acceptance and hope I can find a man who can look past it, like you say.
    Probably attracted to the wrong kind of man in the past but think I've grown a bit wiser now.
     
  10. Lysander

    Lysander Well-Known Member

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    I respect the difference of opinion elucidated here, but none of those are reasons I would have given as to why it is a good thing to work.

    So to clarify my opinion, I'll give three reasons.

    1 - Length of unemployment correlates directly with rates of depression. The longer you are not employed, the more likely you are to be depressed and anxious. I'll provide a link.

    In U.S., Depression Rates Higher for Long-Term Unemployed

    2 - You almost always get more money from a job than from benefits and you can spend it on anything. $$$

    3 - Social opportunities. A job comes built in with peers who are at a similar stage in life as yourself. You can't say that about staying at home. It's also easier to build relationships when you have a job because people who do work, expect others to work too. It is what it is.

    OP Mary R, you described feeling stressed by your living situation and wanting to find a good partner. In that context, I believe it is a blessing that you have a job for all of the above reasons. I think it sounds like you're also feeling fatigued. It's really hard to work for just enough money that it gets you by, because you can't afford to take any time off. Do you have any family nearby who would let you stay with them for a few days just to escape?
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2019
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