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Featured How often do you take people by their word?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by SimplyWandering, Apr 9, 2019.

  1. SimplyWandering

    SimplyWandering Well-Known Member

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    Question being asked is how often do you take people at their word and don't question their shenanigans or "BS"?

    When someone gives "facts"are you inclined to automatically agree with them or do you question their logic?

    Unintentionally, does it feel like some people are more inclined to just agree with a statement you made? Why?
     
  2. Illkurok

    Illkurok King of Isolation

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    I’ve always had a very hard time trusting people, especially with the dark past I’ve had with abuse and other things. I tend to think the worst in people until proven otherwise, and I take their statements the same way, I don’t believe them until they prove themselves.

    People tend to believe me the first time around though, maybe that’s because I don’t lie and when I actually say I’ll do something, I get it done usually as soon as it finishes my lips.
     
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  3. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Lost Soul V.I.P Member

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    If they are talking about themselves I’m inclined to believe them unless they give some very good reasons for me to doubt them....

    Your question covers far too many possible scenarios to offer one answer that covers all of them.

    I trust people or don’t on a case by case basis.
     
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  4. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    I want to trust everybody, however logic tells me that I can't do that. In my younger days, I was taken advantage of a lot. The older I got, the more I picked up on people who wanted take advantage of me. These days I like to turn it around on them and have a little fun.
     
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  5. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    I usually do take things with a grain of salt. Also I believe people are going to back out when they're going to do something for me.
     
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  6. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I have no blanket assumption. It depends on various factors like context, track record, previous experience.
     
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  7. Loren

    Loren Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Until a few years, ago, I would, innately, take people and the things they would say, at face-value. I was naive and had no reason not to. Since an experience I had with being duped and deceived, I can recognize signs that alert me to proceed with caution, which includes the weight I give to what the person says.
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2019
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  8. Peter Morrison

    Peter Morrison Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I trust very easily, but have come to understand how to spot BS after a lifetime of experience. There are different kinds of BS. Innocent lies and misuse of facts or truth don't bother me, but I can lose respect for the perpetrator. Innocent BS is like puffery - making something seem more important or extreme than it really is. Another form of BS can be evil - someone trying to get something through lies and manipulation. I can't stand those people. These are the ones who "work" you, or "play" you as a sucker. If I sense manipulation, my guard is up.

    There are many forms of manipulation. I like to believe and trust, but it's important to discern. I've seen what I consider to be manipulation for disguised purposes on this forum. It's rare, but it's out there.

    In the 3-dimensional world there is more to consider and more signs available when it comes to issues of trust. The real question is vulnerability. Everyone has to learn how to keep themselves safe. Trickery on any level is dastardly. I think you can protect yourself best if you are aware of your weaknesses. It's great to trust, but you must defend your vulnerability.
     
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  9. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Generally, I tend to believe everyone immediately without realizing that's what I'm doing, but like Loren, if there's behavior that's similar to problems I've had in the past, I certainly haven't forgotten and continue repeating the same mistakes. But if someone finds a new way to deceive, I'll likely just be deceived before I can recognize it.

    I can't comprehend why someone would go out of their way to lie. I can understand why it'd be easy to lie if you were questioned, such as something at work where you basically pretend your personal life doesn't exist, but the sort of thing where a lie is set up by someone is what I'm often caught off guard by, just because it's not something I'd ever conceive of myself doing.

    But knowing this about myself, I defer to my friends' judgement so it's generally not a problem. I never wanted to go anywhere alone anyway! :D
     
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  10. tlc

    tlc The Mackinac Bridge and U.P. is my happy place.

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    I almost always give people the benefit of the doubt, because I feel it's the right thing to do, to give them a fair chance. Even when I am sure they are feeding me BS. But I rarely gamble with anything that will cost me much. So if it turns out they are feeding me BS then I just walk away emptyhanded. I just end up doing everything myself anyway, because it's the only way I know it will be done right.
     
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  11. Clueless in Canada

    Clueless in Canada Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I will have to say I am mostly in agreement with Fino. There are people I have learned not to trust or people who might seem suspicious to me but mostly I tend to assume everyone is telling the truth about themselves. The exception is if they seem to be bragging a lot and then I will suspect them of embellishing.

    As for information, I am more likely to assume that the person imparting the information believes it to be true but they may be incorrect. I would decide on a case by case basis how credible I think the person is or how likely I think they are to be knowledgeable about the subject.
     
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  12. Major Tom

    Major Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Almost never.
     
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  13. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    No, I don't automatically agree with them. I think about it and thed decide whether I agree with them or not. It's also important to separate fact from opinion. There are often many kinds and layers of truth and it is often subjective.
    Yes, it does, because people are socially motivated and will often choose social convention over truth. A white lie would be a good example. I often feel that people are just going through the motions but don't really mean what they say.
     
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  14. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    This,to me, is an example of taking things literally.

    We are prone to hearing language and interpreting and reading only the meaning of the words.

    As progster says there are often other reasons for the words, a social meaning.

    I often think of what the DSM means when we interpret things literally - this is one example for me.

    I also think that 'taking things literally' is one way to help understanding across the boundaries (NT's to ASD and back again)

    Normal people don't need to think of social meanings or emotional messages (ememes) transferred in communication.

    So it's interesting to think of what is actually involved in 'taking things literally.'

    I could say it is using language for the purpose it was invented for. :)

    As we know, that is very much a minority position. :)

    I
     
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  15. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    The DSM was written by NTs for NTs.
    In this case, reading the words only and not the ememe or emotional message that the words are meant to convey.
     
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  16. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    I often think it is not us that are blind.

    There is so much implicit bias in their majority world viewpoint.

    Whereas, fighting hard for many years, to even define the way we may see things gives us some insight.

    In a way it's like speaking a language that doesn't exist.

    Try to explain it, it is denied.

    Persist then you are defined as a 'problem.'
     
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  17. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Those I choose to ‘let in’ all start at 100% trustworthy.
    Any or each fib, lie, manipulative intent or just exaggeration and so on over time reduces their score.

    It either matters or it doesn’t, I will accept a person is prone to exaggeration or is capable of manipulation- and recognise it when it happens,
    Or I won’t accept it at all and get rid.

    Don’t ask me how I screen people before ‘letting them in’ because I couldn’t explain it. (I don’t know precisely)
     
  18. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Grain of salt.
    When someone says they will do something I smile and say okay and don't expect them to do it. That's the way it is 99% of the time, so I'm always surprised if someone actually follows through with what they say. So that doesn't bother me.
    People like giving their opinions so I usually believe them in this case. Don't always agree and that's fine and usually it's fine on both ends. If I know someone is argumentative I often (not always) just keep quiet.
    The manipulators - if I agree to do something it's for me, and I haven't been taken advantage of - even if the other person thinks otherwise.
    I've definitely changed with age. It used to all get to me because I had higher expectations. The world tends to change that.
     
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  19. Weezer

    Weezer Active Member

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    Never.
     
  20. xudo

    xudo something and nothing

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    I used to be very trusting, but that led to me being bullied and made fun of by so called friends. Now at 33, I don't really trust anyone.
     
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