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Featured How NTs respond to you

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by fuzz, Mar 31, 2017.

  1. fuzz

    fuzz Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    During my counselling session today I mentioned that when I ask an NT something their response appears to me to be in one of two ways:

    1. They respond to what I have asked directly, or they attempt to understand what I have asked
    Or
    2. They believe I am asking the wrong question or am seeing things the wrong way. They believe that I need to change the way I think before they will answer my question.

    My counsellor and I both agree the second one of these responses is a result of people being ignorant about Asperger Syndrome, and a result of people being unaware that some people process things differently.

    Just thinking about the second one of these responses makes me overcome with sadness.

    I wondered if others here also find NTs respond like this?
     
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  2. JackSkellington

    JackSkellington Active Member

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    I guess people respond similar to me (as the two things you mentioned). I know I get misunderstood at times- even when I'm typing online. I wish language was easier and it was easier to figure out people. Too many misunderstandings in the world that cause stress that isn't deserved and all that.
     
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  3. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Oh yes. I've posted this many times in this forum. That when it comes to NTs interacting with those of us on the spectrum of autism, I usually perceive one of three dynamics occurring:

    1) Those who want to understand and succeed doing so.

    2) Those who try, but fail given the complexity of our neurology.

    3) Those who are indifferent to understanding us, who default to expecting and demanding that it is we who must conform to their way of thinking. Even if and when it's not possible in whole or in part.
     
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  4. xudo

    xudo something and nothing

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    Mostly this one for me. Or they laugh because I apparently said something blunt that I shouldn't have, and they laugh in sort of shock.
     
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  5. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    Well, most of the NTs that I have encountered do not even begin to understand our neurology and I gave up on trying to make them understand a long time ago. Because I am not like them, because of my age and because I can do things that they can not do, most NTs that I encounter see me as that "weird, old, smart guy". And that is just fine with me.
     
  6. kestrel

    kestrel Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    This. Repeatedly. :eek: o_O :(
     
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  7. OkRad

    OkRad Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    They avoid me or are curt. The ones who get to know me start to use truncated sentences after a while. That hurts. You know, they "get to know you" then it''s like you are just an aquiantance again.

    This is why I do't LET ANYONE IN now. F people.
     
  8. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    I get frustrated sometimes because I feel like I'm asking a very clear question, yet I get a response to something I didn't ask. I ask if A is related to B, and end up getting a detailed explanation about waffles.
    Which leaves me wondering whether I suck at asking questions, whether the person I asked the question wasn't really listening, or whether we're speaking two different versions of the same language.

    The same thing happens the other way around though, when someone asks me open questions. For example, someone will ask me "what grows on trees?" which has an immense range of possible answers, none of which are technically wrong, but the only answer they want to hear is "kumquats" and nothing hints at that answer. At least it feels that way to me, sometimes.
     
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  9. jamesaldrin

    jamesaldrin Well-Known Member

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    Some people can tell something is up with me, but many people think of me as a normal guy! It shows how much progress I've made in integrating myself into society and its norms.

    Everyone thinks that I'm unique, but I don't think they suspect a mental disorder. I told my best friend that I have Aspergers; and he later told me that he just thought I was nerdy.
     
  10. MrSpock

    MrSpock Live long and prosper

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    I sometimes get answers to questions I didn't ask, I believe that the NT's are 'interpreting', or reading between the lines, when I really just wanted an answer to what I had literally asked. It's frustrating, because I have to repeat the question, and don't always know how to rephrase it so that they answer the question instead of guessing at what I might have meant if I were trying to ask a question without actually asking it...

    I also have problems sometimes when NT's ask me questions that they don't really want the answer to, what they want is for me to realize that they really want to ask a different question but for some reason they see it as socially inappropriate to ask it. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to answer the hidden question directly, or give a hidden answer, and that may depend on the particular non-question.

    This is not a language problem on my part, I am much better with the language than the vast majority of NT's are. It is a problem with me not knowing what is socially appropriate, and I suspect that non-verbal cues are a large part of the problem too.

    I don't know how often this happens, I suspect that I may often answer a question that an NT didn't want an answer to and they just give up and pretend to accept my answer and I don't realize it. They may think that I have told them that the 'real' answer is none of their business, again without me even knowing what their intent was.
     
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  11. Gritches

    Gritches The Happy Dog V.I.P Member

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    That sounds about right. I live in an area of the country where it's socially unacceptable to tell people they're wrong, but it comes out in other ways - usually a one-word answer and a polite end to the conversation.

    But yeah, I like this observation. It's always one of those two options. It tells me that NTs have a step in their thought process that checks whether you're right or wrong according to their schema. And we're the self-absorbed ones.

    The quest to understand the NT thought process continues.
     
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  12. Peacelily76

    Peacelily76 Active Member

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    I dislike NT type number 3! I'm NT and I try really hard to gain understanding. Other NTs are just lazy!!! Plugged into the Matrix!
     
  13. xudo

    xudo something and nothing

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    Sadly, I have come across many NT's who react exactly as @Judge described in number 3. Obviously not every NT, but a depressingly large number.
     
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  14. Peacelily76

    Peacelily76 Active Member

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    It sucks, it really does. I think I connect better because my dad had AS...and I score 6 on the ASQ. I'm an empath so I want to connect with everyone. Plus I think my dad's AS made my EQ go up because I had to interpret him. We have a way to go before we get to 'switch on' the NT matrix drones.
     
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  15. xudo

    xudo something and nothing

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    We are polar opposites :tearsofjoy:
     
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  16. Peacelily76

    Peacelily76 Active Member

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    Hang on in there. NTs are slow because we're only just starting to understand AS on a global scale. NTs have been asleep forever because the world didn't know AS existed. Until now.
    We are, I think, on the verge of seeing what we can call a 'paradigm shift' in understanding. NTs will start to 'get' AS and the need for INDIVIDUALITY so we can do amazing stuff together.
    Let's think back to Martin Luther King making that speech about brothers and sisters.
    Try not to be sad, instead be hopeful. I'm NT and I'm on this forum looking at how I can make your world better by understanding you more.
    Peace bro!!! :)
     
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  17. Peacelily76

    Peacelily76 Active Member

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    Yeah, I'd probably annoy the hell out of you haha!!! :)
     
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  18. pax

    pax Well-Known Member

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    I have experienced the whole "I don't like the way you asked your question so I won't answer it" or " I don't like the way you said hello to me (three times) because I don't feel you gave the appropriate amount of eye contact or voice modulation so I will loudly proclaim that you ignored me"and particularly in the workplace"I don't like the way you put forward your suggestion/framed your complaint so I won't act on it" I mean what the actual firetruck???
     
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  19. pax

    pax Well-Known Member

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    Yes!
    I went to a car service centre the other day to get my key cut and replaced, and my husband's repaired ( Apparently that make and model of car are notorious for the keys disintegrating, but I digress)
    I had a conversation with the service guy, and didn't seem to get an answer to what I thought were fairly straight forward questions so when I went up to pick up the keys ( parts of keys actually) I dragged my husband along. It wasn't me, it was the guy who couldn't answer our fairly simple questions; but it has happened to me so many times I can get paranoid when an interaction goes awry.
     
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  20. Mr Allen

    Mr Allen Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Online, they treat me like an idiot, in the offline world, they mostly respect me.