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How Long Do You Last At a Social Gathering?

Amy Stone

Amy Stone

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Just wondering what everyone's limit is with socializing! Is it easy for you or hard? Does alcohol make it easier? Do you prefer to get lost in crowds or do you prefer small gatherings?

Most of the socializing I do is around adults that are drinking. I don't drink much, so the more they drink, the quicker I leave because things get loud quick. If I have a glass of wine, I can hang a bit longer. But I would say 1.5-2.5 hours and not very often. I also can hang longer if there is less people.
 
Depends on the size of the gathering--I prefer small ones as those are always more fun. Big ones would be great if we're doing something neat but if it's electronic music & the club scene then no thankee.

Alcohol? Well, I had two glasses of wine one time and it killed my sensory sensitivity which really made the evening more bearable. I'm friendly if I've been drinking, and I do not drink much at all so I'm not super friendly.

1.5 to 2.5 hours is quite good! After that, what else is there to talk about?

Do you like concerts? I wonder how Aspies feel about going to hear the symphony orchestras--I love them even if it's a bit loud. It's eustress instead of distress for me.
 
Gerontius said:
Do you like concerts? I wonder how Aspies feel about going to hear the symphony orchestras--I love them even if it's a bit loud. It's eustress instead of distress for me.
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Me personally...no. Too loud. I just left a neighborhood get-together because one guy was laughing so loud it hurt my earballs (yes. earballs).
 
Amy Stone said:
Me personally...no. Too loud. I just left a neighborhood get-together because one guy was laughing so loud it hurt my earballs (yes. earballs).
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Understandable! I took a friend to a concert once and she had to take her shoes off & stim the whole way home--but that's what happens when you get tickets to hear the orchestra and they're playing Tchaikovsky. Russian music is made loud to be played loud. I love classical but it was getting to be a bit much even for me.

Yes, some voices can set off the mind like that.
 
Only 15 mins, l am headed to a meltdown. If l am working, no problem if lots of people because paying bills is good. But l still feel itchy and can't wait to leave.

If it's just a few people it's okay, but it seems to drag like a bad sitcom.
 
Basically anyone talking to me has 30 seconds to say what's on their mind or ask whatever stupid question they think is so important, and after that I'm just gonna walk away.

And whatever it is, it better be good.

Ya know what though, people really dont try to socialize with me that much though. Cant imagine why...
 
I find I tend to be best in groups of five people or less, and I love one on one conversations... Sometimes different conversations tend to blend together for me and slightly confusing... And I generally don't last all that long at such gatherings, on average no more than an hour

But I do like get lost in large crowds (whenever that can happen again), as one of my passions is street photography, and I do love a good festival, but I tend to be observing/people watching and taking photos of course... If I'm stimulated enough within my photography I can last for hours in such situations, because I have something I'm focusing on...
 
Gerontius said:
Depends on the size of the gathering--I prefer small ones as those are always more fun. Big ones would be great if we're doing something neat but if it's electronic music & the club scene then no thankee.

Alcohol? Well, I had two glasses of wine one time and it killed my sensory sensitivity which really made the evening more bearable. I'm friendly if I've been drinking, and I do not drink much at all so I'm not super friendly.

1.5 to 2.5 hours is quite good! After that, what else is there to talk about?

Do you like concerts? I wonder how Aspies feel about going to hear the symphony orchestras--I love them even if it's a bit loud. It's eustress instead of distress for me.
Click to expand...
I enjoy symphonic music greatly. My mind enjoys finding patterns in the composition. Ravinia, N of Chicago was a favorite venue, picniking while listening to the Symphony. I was lucky to attend the Chicago Symphony when friends who could not attend, but were season ticket holders would let us buy the performance from them. Best I experienced was one night when the seats were on stage, a single row of seating elevated but in back of the orchestra. One selection was Stravinsky''s "L'Histoire du Soldat" with John Mahoney narrating. A stunning experience.
 
Aspychata said:
Only 15 mins, l am headed to a meltdown. If l am working, no problem if lots of people because paying bills is good. But l still feel itchy and can't wait to leave.

If it's just a few people it's okay, but it seems to drag like a bad sitcom.
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I can be in the tightest cave passages but have no claustrophobia, yet among lots of people I feel absolutely and uncomfortably, physically restrained.
 
Yes I m uncomfortable in any unstructured social interaction and cling to a friend or colleague if available, a seat if not. Or wander out into the corridors. And sometimes away. Almost never do any unstructured social interaction these days. Or even concerts or plays, that's pre covid I mean. Got to feel I d rather buy the cd or watch a film at home.
 
It depends on the activity. If it's one of those group sit-around-and-talk type things, I can't join in, don't engage unless someone speaks to me (they rarely do) and then I switch off, get bored and restless. I last up to 2 hours of sitting down, then have to get up and walk around. I don't like sitting still in one place for long periods.

If it's one-to-one, I can talk, but am mentally exhausted after about an hour. I don't like small talk or superficial questions that people ask just to keep the conversation going - that makes me feel trapped and kind of claustophobic and I want to run. I don't even last 5 minutes with that.

If it involves an activity and I'm actually doing something rather than just talking, I enjoy it more and last a lot longer, as long as it's an activity I enjoy. We sometimes go foraging with others, and that's ok, because the focus is on the task and not talking, and it's ok to go forage on your own for a bit.
 
Amy Stone said:
Just wondering what everyone's limit is with socializing! Is it easy for you or hard? Does alcohol make it easier? Do you prefer to get lost in crowds or do you prefer small gatherings?

Most of the socializing I do is around adults that are drinking. I don't drink much, so the more they drink, the quicker I leave because things get loud quick. If I have a glass of wine, I can hang a bit longer. But I would say 1.5-2.5 hours and not very often. I also can hang longer if there is less people.
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If it is trying to stay engaged in conversation with a group of people,...literally a few minutes,...like less than 5. If it is one-on-one with a topic of interest,...probably as long as the other person can tolerate. If it is playing cards or a board game, I can usually sit the duration, but quietly play the game without conversing.

Alcohol,...that's a set up for me to start getting loud and obnoxious, swearing,...generally not a good thing for me, or others that have to put up with me.

Most of the time, my typical behavior is to let the group talk and I will sit out on the periphery and listen. If it is a conversation that I am not interested in, I will simply remove myself and read, listen to music, take a nap, go outside for a walk, whatever. Being in those situations can often cause some mental exhaustion,...and I will remove myself.
 
An optimistic guess is 30 minutes in a group, provided I don't have to speak or listen to anyone. One-on-one is longer, potentially a lot longer depending on the environment and the subject. If I need to hold a conversation while other conversations are happening, then maybe 10 minutes. I'd usually hide in a corner during gatherings.
 
I do not do social gatherings unless it is something that my wife want's to do. Then I just follow her around and do not say much.
I am more social if it involves certain activities. I usually golf or go shooting with the same group of people. In the old days, I usually went dirt bike or snowmobile riding/racing with the same people. For the last couple years, my wife and I have belonged to a off road club. This is something that I would not have done with out my wife. Everybody has modified their vehicles for off road use. I do enjoy talking to others about different modifications that we have done. However, most of my social activities involve my wife. Without her, I would probably live in a cave somewhere in the woods.
 
It depends on a lot of factors- number of people, whether there is drinking, the physical environment, my mood, etc. I don't like a lot of people, but if there is too few there is pressure for me to talk more and chances are that I won't be able to hear, there will be too many conversations to keep track of, and I'll get overwhelmed. With a huge crowd the noise is a lot, but nobody is really having conversations which takes the pressure off. If strange men (by strange I mean both strange as in I do not know them, and strange as in creepy) decide to get involved then my energy to even be civil plummets. I would say my social energy for typical socializing (in a bar type environment with drinking involved) is closer to like 30 minutes, but I usually let it drag out to an hour and a half to two hours so people don't think I'm weird.

In a familiar setting it's a lot longer- with a small group of people I know well, and in a quiet place or outdoors in nature, I can physically manage socializing for even a full day, but I will need about a week to recover, lol
 
I've not done any socializing for over a decade. Before then, the group could be any size, and I'd be sorta fine, as long as I already knew half or more of the people in the group before the gathering. Alcohol helped in that it calmed me, but hurt because being calm made it easier to argue. Didn't help that I can't get drunk anyway.

Now, I know I cannot do anything bigger than one on one, or else I physically leave the place. Haven't had any alcohol in two years though, so, not sure how it'd change anything.
 
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