Hi, my name is Lauren and I’m 22. I’ve spent my whole life feeling painfully different from others and getting misunderstood and taken advantage of. I haven’t been diagnosed, the soonest appt I could get is in September. I told my mother before that I thought I had Aspergers and she said that I did not. Now I’ve done a bit more research and I’m pretty sure that I do. I’m hoping I do anyway, because if there are some people I could find to relate to I think it would make all the difference for me.
About me:
I was diagnosed with adhd when I was about 6/7 but my parents started and immediately stopped treatment and never told me til about a year ago. I ended up struggling in high school and at 16 asked to be taken to the doctor where I got a diagnosis and treatment. I am a daydreamer, don’t follow through very well, bad with following orders, do not like authoritative figures, avoid confrontation, new environments can be very stressful, I am very gullible and trusting, don’t know when I’m being flirted with, love to have genuine conversations, get frustrated if I feel I can’t find someone to have one with, also get frustrated that I can’t find women that I can connect with, I feel I disappoint those I love frequently by being who I am.
My interests include animals, caring for/ saving animals (pets, farm, and wildlife), crisis response, medicine, vet medicine, neurology, being in nature, animal rights activism, environmental activism, social change activism, bugs, plants, ecosystems, rock collecting/ geology, engaging with children, and gardening.
I also love science and am studying mechanical engineering at UH but I’ve had to take a lot of time of and smaller class loads due to difficulties in school and at home (I was living with my dad who is an alcoholic and would frequently kick/ lock me out causing me crazy amounts of stress that made school sometimes impossible). I can be very anxious though I try to avoid getting anxious over things. This can be mistaken for apathy though it’s really a coping mechanism.
My mom kicked me out at on my 18th birthday and I had to move in with my then boyfriend who turned out to be very manipulative and mean. I lived with him for a year and became very depressed trying to please him. I broke up with him and moved in with my dad where things got very bad too and I was kicked out many times. My current boyfriend has parents who do not like or understand me and warn him that I will try to move in with him and fill his house with animals so he told me I couldn’t live with him or stay at his house while he was deployed.
With nowhere to live (dad kicked me out, mom and boyfriend both rejected me) I moved to San Francisco last Fall where I lived for three months and then to Austin for one month. I moved back to Texas because my boyfriend was back from Afghanistan. In both instances my desire to not be disliked and to be an easy person to live with was taken advantage of and I was expected to do a lot of work for little or no pay.
My mother convinced me to “quit” my non-paying live-in nanny position and come live with her. I’ve been living with her and my stepdad for about a month now but they are expecting me to move out in the Fall and get my own apartment and become financially independent while also going to school. I think this is impossible and have said so but often what I hear in response is that lots of people do it.
I am just struggling and at this point really don’t want to finish college and almost wish others didn’t want me to so badly because I think I’d feel more invested. But even if I did I feel the expectation of independence being put on me is astronomical and I’ve really been limited in the person I’m allowed to be. As a kid I just suppressed it because it wasn’t appreciated but that made me into a very sad kid and now that I know who I am and what I like I’m having to suppress myself again and that alone is very hurtful and makes me feel very lonely and unlovable and like I’m not allowed to be happy.
I feel like I’m in a bit of a prison of expectations and when I break out of it (ie. move to San Francisco) I am allowed to be myself a lot more which is nice but bad things happen because my support network that I need so badly vanishes. I am so unhappy and feel nobody appreciates me despite the fact that my intentions are always very good and I care deeply for everyone and everything.
I am hoping I can find people to relate to, I can’t seem to find any free local support groups near me.
Thanks and I hope I’m not in the wrong place!
About me:
I was diagnosed with adhd when I was about 6/7 but my parents started and immediately stopped treatment and never told me til about a year ago. I ended up struggling in high school and at 16 asked to be taken to the doctor where I got a diagnosis and treatment. I am a daydreamer, don’t follow through very well, bad with following orders, do not like authoritative figures, avoid confrontation, new environments can be very stressful, I am very gullible and trusting, don’t know when I’m being flirted with, love to have genuine conversations, get frustrated if I feel I can’t find someone to have one with, also get frustrated that I can’t find women that I can connect with, I feel I disappoint those I love frequently by being who I am.
My interests include animals, caring for/ saving animals (pets, farm, and wildlife), crisis response, medicine, vet medicine, neurology, being in nature, animal rights activism, environmental activism, social change activism, bugs, plants, ecosystems, rock collecting/ geology, engaging with children, and gardening.
I also love science and am studying mechanical engineering at UH but I’ve had to take a lot of time of and smaller class loads due to difficulties in school and at home (I was living with my dad who is an alcoholic and would frequently kick/ lock me out causing me crazy amounts of stress that made school sometimes impossible). I can be very anxious though I try to avoid getting anxious over things. This can be mistaken for apathy though it’s really a coping mechanism.
My mom kicked me out at on my 18th birthday and I had to move in with my then boyfriend who turned out to be very manipulative and mean. I lived with him for a year and became very depressed trying to please him. I broke up with him and moved in with my dad where things got very bad too and I was kicked out many times. My current boyfriend has parents who do not like or understand me and warn him that I will try to move in with him and fill his house with animals so he told me I couldn’t live with him or stay at his house while he was deployed.
With nowhere to live (dad kicked me out, mom and boyfriend both rejected me) I moved to San Francisco last Fall where I lived for three months and then to Austin for one month. I moved back to Texas because my boyfriend was back from Afghanistan. In both instances my desire to not be disliked and to be an easy person to live with was taken advantage of and I was expected to do a lot of work for little or no pay.
My mother convinced me to “quit” my non-paying live-in nanny position and come live with her. I’ve been living with her and my stepdad for about a month now but they are expecting me to move out in the Fall and get my own apartment and become financially independent while also going to school. I think this is impossible and have said so but often what I hear in response is that lots of people do it.
I am just struggling and at this point really don’t want to finish college and almost wish others didn’t want me to so badly because I think I’d feel more invested. But even if I did I feel the expectation of independence being put on me is astronomical and I’ve really been limited in the person I’m allowed to be. As a kid I just suppressed it because it wasn’t appreciated but that made me into a very sad kid and now that I know who I am and what I like I’m having to suppress myself again and that alone is very hurtful and makes me feel very lonely and unlovable and like I’m not allowed to be happy.
I feel like I’m in a bit of a prison of expectations and when I break out of it (ie. move to San Francisco) I am allowed to be myself a lot more which is nice but bad things happen because my support network that I need so badly vanishes. I am so unhappy and feel nobody appreciates me despite the fact that my intentions are always very good and I care deeply for everyone and everything.
I am hoping I can find people to relate to, I can’t seem to find any free local support groups near me.
Thanks and I hope I’m not in the wrong place!
