How do you take a compliment?

[Dwoops]

As the name says, how do you take a compliment?

I generally don't have much social interaction but more recently I have been trying to be more social. This includes talking with people, forming study groups (I'm in college), and such. While these are difficult I generally don't feel awkward because I don't care what others think of me. If they think I'm weird and don't bother looking past it, I probably wouldn't want to hang out with them anyways. I am also decently intelligent, I have a 4.0 and I'm in my 4th semester currently.

Now here comes the problem, one of the few scenarios where I actually feel awkward is when someone compliments me. I just don't understand what to say or how to act. I guess a thank you might be good but it still seems off for some reason. A good example was earlier today, I was studying with a friend and she just kept saying things like, "Wow, you are really smart." This puts me into a weird state because I feel like I need to do something but I don't know what, especially since she would say it multiple times, usually after I explained a difficult concept. This is doubly tough because I have a low self esteem and don't see myself as all that intelligent (I know I am smart due to external factors such as GPA, but I just don't feel like I'm smart).

This also makes me think of another problem, I try to have conversations with others about academics and I feel like they make fun of me a little bit. When I feel like I didn't do well they say things like, "Well then you must have gotten an A." I understand that they think I'm smart, but it still doesn't feel that good when they dismiss what I say because I hold myself to standards that they may or may not have. I guess they might think it is ridiculous that I consider a B not doing well, but that shouldn't matter, academic goals are personalized and relative to how you want to do.

Thanks in advance for any input.

 

[Mia]

Just say thanks. That's what I do. Sometimes I wonder if people have a motive for the things they say, and some might, but I tend to wait and see if they want something from me in future. If they don't I usually can trust them a little. People find intelligent people threatening I think.

 

[Judge]

At least 41 comments on that subject in this particular thread.

Do Aspies/Auties find themselves embarassed at praise or compliments?

 

[Gracey]

Awkwardly.

My script says “thank you”

My feelings say “eh?”

 

[Suzanne]

I make myself say thank you so much; really appreciate that, but at the same time, I then feel obliged to find something to compliment back, but in truth, I have also done my fair share of complimenting and nts are just as weirded out as we are and tend to say: oh, this old thing etc etc.

It is a universal issue, because we are so used to the negative.

Fairly recently, I discovered that actually when people say: wow, you are really intelligent, it is an insult and the reason? Because it is a surprise that you are intelligent, which is hardly nice thing to think.

One person said to me once: it is such a shame that people do not get to know you, for they would find a very intelligent woman! I mean: thanks for confirming that I am seen as an airhead lol

I am one that feeds off what others think of me, which deep shame I have to acknowledge that. and it is very hard to just shrug my shoulders and not care!

However, I rarely go out now and I prefer it like that. I cannot deal with all the drama!

 

[Juliettaa]

In short, I don't.

Friend says 'your hair looks lovely'.

Me 'are you mad? It looks a right mess; I'm going to the hairdresser next week'

I need to work on saying thank you and leaving it at that

 

[Progster]

If I think that the compliment is true, then I agree and say thank you. If I think that the compliment is false, then I say so, and correct them. Compliments make me feel uncomfortable, even if they are true or genuine, and I'd rather not have them. I don't need them. Also, I'm wary of compliments as there is often an ulterior motive or manipulation going on behind them, and I'm not good at spotting that when it happens.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

If I think that the compliment is true, then I agree and say thank you. If I think that the compliment is false, then I say so, and correct them. Compliments make me feel uncomfortable, even if they are true or genuine, and I'd rather not have them. I don't need them. Also, I'm wary of compliments as there is often an ulterior motive or manipulation going on behind them, and I'm not good at spotting that when it happens.

You're billiant. I really admire thenway you've learnt languages and moved to 3 different countries. Eberything you do or say really is amazing.
Thank you for sharing, you're amazing.
Thank you.

Like that?

 

[Progster]

You're billiant. I really admire thenway you've learnt languages and moved to 3 different countries. Eberything you do or say really is amazing.
Thank you for sharing, you're amazing.
Thank you.

Like that?

No, I'm not brilliant. I'm average. Yes, I have learned langauges and moved to 3 different countries, thank you. No, every thing I say is not amazing. No I'm not amazing, just normal(ish).

The social norm states that I should return the compliment, so: Fridgeman, you are super smart, wonderful, with an amazing sense of humour! You are great!

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

The social norm states that I should return the compliment, so: Fridgeman, you are super smart, wonderful, with an amazing sense of humour! You are great!

That's Amazing ! - you were completely correct about me,
But I was only joking about you

 

[tlc]

The natural thing to say is "OK". I don't take the compliment, becuase I can't tell if they're being sarcastic or not. They commonly are, and I'm the dummy for taking the bait.

People joke at me for saying OK. But I worked with an electrical whiz who was very clearly aspie, and he always said the same thing. Long ago we did some 4 quadrant personality test, and me and him were the only ones out of like 50 people to fall in the lower left quadrant.

 

[AO1501]

I don't like compliments and I don't need them. They make me feel very uncomfortable. If I'd done a great job, I already know that, and I don't care in the slightest if someone else has noticed. If I'm smart or insightful, I already know that too, it's a fact, it doesn't need or warrant a comment, it is what I am. When I get a compliment, I have learnt not to say 'I know.', but I can't say 'thanks', because I'm not thankful.

I give compliments however, because I know other people need them, and it helps improve their self esteem, and often their work efficiency. They are a very practical tool of leadership, and peer-group bonding. But even as I give them, I don't have a clue why people like them so much.

 

[Mr Allen]