• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

How do you meet people?

Blue

Well-Known Member
I've been trying to make friends through meetups but I'm in a small town and very few meet with any consistency. The only thing to do here is go to bars but I'm alcoholic and never enjoy that; or really want to meet social drinkers. I tried a dating site but didn't get a single response. It's really hard for an introvert like me. I'm feeling really depressed and desperate.
 
The more I feel around people, the less I want to be near them. I am inoculated through averse conditioning. Eventually, I will only go out at night and shop when no one is around. Loneliness pales compared to the stress people cause. It would be like if I kept wanting to stab myself in the eye because people said it feels good. And I kept trying and it hurt. Now I don't try to stab myself in the eye anymore.
 
I feel like being honest about what contexts/places you feel comfortable to hang out in is a good way to actually enjoy meeting people (or at least for it to be less hard and stressful). Maybe meeting people who have similar interests? Like, to play music together, or video games, whatever interest you have. I found that doing a specific activity is less stressful and draining because I don't have to make conversation for hours. But yeah, I guess it depends what social context you feel most comfortable with and I think that being honest about that might help you connect with people who are also up for that.
 
Is there any kind of health club? Church? I always had the same problem until I started working - but still no friendships lasted very long.
I had a nephew who complained that everyone he dated was the same - some young female looking for fun and games. I told him it was because he keeps going back to the same wrong place. If he wanted someone different he needed to look elsewhere.
 
Take a class, maybe? Something fun! I was gonna give examples, but I don't know what you like and no one needs examples of a class to know what a class is.. I don't think. Just in case, here's one: Yoga?
 
It depends on the sort of people you want to meet :)

Interest related, possible dates, spiritual, self help and so on.

I believe there are groups for just about everything online.

Do some research on what’s available in your area if it’s face to face meeting you’re after.
 
I rarely meet new people socially and if I do, they are people that my partner has met, but if I wanted to, I would look for local clubs to join, or volunteer work where I might meet new people.
 
If you have the time, I've found volunteering works really well. There's less pressure because you have something to do while you talk and even if you don't make friends you still feel useful.

Also taking a class or a course in something. I've been learning to sew and there are some nice people in my class.
 
Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm not good with people; I'll go to things but nobody wants to be my friend or has ever dated me. I've told people in meetups they can contact me through the site but no one has. In general I don't like people. No one gives me a chance.
 
I'm not kidding but you could try going to AA. There can be decent blokes or gals there.
You know, there are people who go to these meetings for other reasons. I knew someone that used to go for co-dependency. This is a good idea, too, because all the people there have problems and are probably more accepting of others with problems. Good idea Joel.
 
I catch those I think I would like as friends in lion traps and freeze them cryogenically, until such time as they find a cure for autism and I will be able to socialize with them normally.

;)
 
It’s hard to put yourself out there, particularly when you feel like it’s not going as you hope it would.

At university, I met people through societies.

It’s still hard to meet people and make friendships. It’s definitely not easy. My mom wants me to make friends, but that’s still a work in progress. Without sounding snobby, I want a friend that actually wants me, not something that’s relatively empty.
 
It depends on the sort of people you want to meet :)

Interest related, possible dates, spiritual, self help and so on.

I believe there are groups for just about everything online.

Do some research on what’s available in your area if it’s face to face meeting you’re after.

This is fine... until you find nothing local happens beyond the expected "going out and getting drunk" that I have no interest in. I get pretty fed up of having to go across the country just to meet up with friends I rarely get to see, or make potential friends, though hobby stuff meetups.
 
I've given up on any new friendship attempts. I'm 55 and appear perfectly normal, until I begin talking. I can see it in the other persons eyes, they think I'm off, yet I don't feel off. After 55 years of this, the pain of not having any friends doesn't go away. Deciding NOT to try to make friends is my decision and I own it. So, this being my decision somehow makes it easier to deal with.
 
This is fine... until you find nothing local happens beyond the expected "going out and getting drunk" that I have no interest in. I get pretty fed up of having to go across the country just to meet up with friends I rarely get to see, or make potential friends, though hobby stuff meetups.
I'm in this situation too; small town without much to do besides drink. There was a meaningful conversations meetup but it ended. The problem is no groups meet enough for me to make friends. Although I'm trying a new nerds meetup that started recently.

I'm really depressed that no one has contacted me on Match.com. Guys outnumber girls in my town so it's really hard to meet anyone irl, except social drinkers which I'm not one of.
 

New Threads

Top Bottom