How do you feel about you autism diagnosis?

[Ken]

How many of you was disappointed, devastated, surprised or happy to be diagnosed with autism? (Self-diagnosis is also valid.)

For me it was an elated revelation. As far back as I can remember, I have known that I was “defective”. From as early as I can remember until the day he died, my father exclaimed the defining theme of my life. Always with great disdain, he said, “Kenneth … When are you ever going to wake up and act like a normal human being?” My father was not alone. I got this same message in varying forms, always in angry exasperation from everyone I had close contact with.

I felt hopelessly lost because I never understood how I was not like a normal person and when asked, no one could tell me. If they did express something, I could not see, understand or visualize what they said. I was desperate to fix it but had no idea what to do. I have spent over 90% of my life longing to not exist because I hated being “defective”.

After discovering autism and studying it, I realized that was me and there were other people like me. That was a profound revelation. There was an actual “category” I fit in. The absoluteness of my “defectiveness” was diminished. It was a major relief to know I was not totally alone or totally “defective”. I finally understood how I was different. Not that I can “fix” it, but at least I understand what is going on. I felt like a lifelong lead blanket that had been smothering my life had been lifted. I felt that for the first time, I could breath. As an autistic; I’m supposed to be like this.

 

[NB79]

I relate to your story, except i am not diagnosed.
I felt different all my life, i thought i was super 'special'. when i found out reading about autism on some articles/life experiences in forums i felt that it made lots of sense why i was like that. I could identify and relate a lots to autistic traits and experiences.

Here i think autism is more underdiagnosed than in ohter parts of the world.

 

[NB79]

A benefit from discovering this was that seeing there could be something 'wrong' with me excuse me for saying it, and reading experiences etc, i was able to take it more easily on me. And not be so hard on myself.
Also i understanding that there lots of people with the same issues and sufferings, it was of great relief i was not alone.

 

[Suzette]

When I first stumbled on a description of females with autisim my very first thought was "Wow! I am normal!"

Like you I have spent far too much of my life looking for answers that did not seem to exist. I became a master masker determined that no one should ever view me as anything but normal. I became a master at double speak too in an effort to hide what I thought were unforgivable defects.

And yet, here I am and here all of you are. Wow!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Frankly, I was relieved.It gave structure to my past experiences and while I still deal with trauma from isolation and loneliness at critical points of development, I can better understand myself. So far this has not helped me even as I understand how my perceptions created the conditions that were traumatizing.

 

[PastelPetals]

I was not surprised as it was kind of known for years before my actual diagnosis at 14. We knew I had a developmental delay and some neurodevelopmental diagnosis already. When I was a kid I had OT and used my PECS to have a visual schedule and by middle school (though would have been earlier if I had not been in a private school till 4th grade) I was in a therapeutic day school. There was no surprise on my part only a sober look on how girls are ignored even if they very clearly have have autism (or maybe not according to doctors to diagnosed me with 12 things instead of the one thing that covered all of it: autism)

I knew 99% that I was going to be diagnosed but I still cried when I got the diagnosed. From relaf mostly.

I am happy I have my diagnosis people treat you different when they know you are having trouble and the upside of AS doing autism awareness stuff is that places like doctors offices, restaurants, and grocery stores can help and I have less meltdowns.

It also is good since I am 18 now and I am much more visibly disabled as the same things I do now that are seen as wrong were more "odd" when I was 8 (the first year I was almost assed but then I was to talkative and polite apparently....I just wanted to be impressive if they were clear on what they wanted to know I would have been more "honest") and it's good to have an explainer word.

Diagnosis meant way more than self actualization (though it was that too) it was a lifesaver and even though I know I could have gotten help (and I was) with the many diagnosis I had before autism is more accurate and I have been able to get better help with it.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

And yet, here I am and here all of you are. Wow!

Wow, indeed! I find it amazing that every one of us has persevered despite deficiencies that NTs could never comprehend, and some of us have contributed with our work, and sometimes, with our interests, to live fascinating and fulfilled lives. I've especially enjoyed using my interests to explore aspects of this world and engage with it. I've seen how many NTs (family and some friends) vacation, expecting others to direct their activities and essentially deciding for them what to see and feel. They wall themselves away from the communities they travel through and act like they have had real experiences without recognizing the limitations of their pre-programmed life.

 

[Wulven]

An answer. I had long known there was something. They just gave it a name for it. Others were surprised and apologized to me. Some still aren't sure what to think.
I have been told it was possibly from getting to many shots as a child.

 

[Thinx]

Yes I was relieved when I worked out I had autism, it did answer my questions about why I couldn't do unstructured social interaction despite lifelong efforts. And I agree that we do cope well considering we don't get a lot of help or even know what we are up against mostly. It's good to know.

 

[DogzSpirit]

Relieved and quite thankful to have found this forum, it is a major bonus to be able to share and learn from others experiences. Widen my perspective of this, and just know I am not alone.

I went through life knowing I was different. I would pause and try to think of ways not to appear different. I came up empty handed. Vocal - my differences showed. Quiet - they found me anyway. No matter how I presented, I always was the different one.

Thank goodness home was a sanctuary, but when the world rejects you, that is rather harsh.

As a result, I tuned into those out of the mainstream norm interests, and found when I met quirky people, they actually embraced me, quirks and all. Still I was not like them, I could tell by their puzzled looks, and warm but confused smiles.

It is a good thing that I didn't have a coach to teach me to mask, for I probably would have been so damaged, in giving up my authenticity. Can you imagine if I had not been female and it had not gone under the radar, and they misdiagnosed me and prescribed meds? I cannot believe I escaped that, by luck.

Realizing that I was Aspergers, was such a relief. Yes, there are others like me, and I am not some kind of one of a kind different. I intend to meet others whom are of this wiring, after the pandemic is under control. Until then I feel like a sponge, taking in all the bits and pieces online, and thanks to this forum, able to meet others like myself.

 

[Aspychata]

I knew something was different. I knew l approached things differently. I knew my emotions seem to be haywire at inopportune times. I still thought l was somewhat normal.

Younger years were the worst. Now it's a relief. I mask well enough to deal with most aspects of my life. But sometimes that mask falls on the floor much to my dismay. And l just leave it there. Oops.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I finally found out why I always got passed over for promotion after a long career, even through, I was always an exceptional employee. receiving lots of accolades.

 

[Greatshield17]

I was young when I got diagnosed, I didn’t really think about it that much; it only became a problem when I fully realized what other people thought of it and what they associated it with.

 

[Isadoorian]

I'm happy I got mine, after 14 to 15 years of trying (lots of Red Tape and an incompetent Psychiatrist who basically dismissed anything of the sort, which was 7 years ago) before finally getting a properly certified guy to do it after 2 assessments (last year and this past March). My parents were relieved as well.

Especially since I suspected I had it or some form of it, which is why I had my Diagnosis on here as PDD-NOS for the longest time, but now set it to Awaiting Diagnosis, as I'm unsure of the full diagnosis, just that it's Autism, though I may just change it to Autism (Classic).

I'm finally eligible for Supports from CLBC, a Canadian organization devoted to helping Neurodivergent folks, and those with other Disabilities. However, funding won't be available until April of next year, but I'm sure it'll be worth it.

 

[Au Naturel]

None of the above?

I felt informed more than anything else Understanding is a good thing.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

None of the above?

I felt informed more than anything else Understanding is a good thing.

Bing retired now I agree.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

As a result, I tuned into those out of the mainstream norm interests, and found when I met quirky people, they actually embraced me, quirks and all. Still I was not like them, I could tell by their puzzled looks, and warm but confused smiles.

How nice. I am also lucky to have fallen in with people who have become great friends, accepting, with quirks of their own. These are my Sierra Club outings friends. There are 34 of us getting together in this area next week for a reunion and my wife and I are planning a canoe outing for about half the group. They all know that there are times when I will be quietly by myself and they respect that, but at one meal I will be the Grillmaster, a duty that I enjoy, even if it gets a lot of attention. Those people made me feel that I belonged and was valued, so it will be enjoyable.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

But sometimes that mask falls on the floor much to my dismay. And l just leave it there. Oops.

That last sentence brought such odd images to my mind that I just had to rate your post funny.

 

[Aspychata]

That last sentence brought such odd images to my mind that I just had to rate your post funny.

Now you have me thinking visual thoughts and l see myself as a giant shaggy big woolly mammoth that tramples on conversations and says the most idiot thing if l don't filter and my mask is off. But who doesn't like a mammoth?

 

[SakuraRoseMilkTea]

I always had a suspicion I was autistic when I felt really different from my family in a way I couldn't describe. I'm pretty happy with my diagnosis but my family still doubts that I am autistic because I don't "act like it" or "I use it as a crutch too much".