How do you deal with the public

[ftfipps]

I seem to have trouble with casual interaction. For example, when I need to go get my haircut. I have to engage in conversation with the stylist when I'm AFRAID TO SAY ANYTHING. I have genuine difficulty with small talk with people. I never learned basic back and forth, small talk. I am paranoid, too so I think the people are being mean to me or misunderstanding me sometimes. I know that some other people have had this problem on this forum. Most people say they just don't go out and talk to people but what about when I HAVE to like when it's required?

 

[Judge]

Most people say they just don't go out and talk to people but what about when I HAVE to like when it's required?

That's precisely when you want to get into the habit of scripting a potential conversation. To write down what you want to say. When you have a regular occurrence that may well involve incidental or even pointless small-talk. There's of course no guarantee scripting will succeed, but at least you'll have something to fall back on that you can initiate and possibly elaborate on. It's not perfect, but at least it might give you some control in a two-way conversation.

 

[Marcus]

Very very poorly, I often find myself awkwardly standing there wondering in my head what I'm going to say to someone that I have to talk to to accomplish my task without sounding like an idiot.

 

[ksheehan88]

I let them lead and answer questions as they come. Sometimes it comes across as boredom, or rudeness, but its the best I can do.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

I highly recommend reading Daniel Wendler's Deli Metaphor for having successful conversations. He's an Aspie who's special interest is social skills. Lots of other good stuff on that site, too.

 

[Gritches]

My hair is so annoyingly long right now for that exact reason. Building on what @ksheehan88 says, let them lead and then keep them talking. Ask follow-up questions. Try to relate to what they say. Just remember that mostly it's that NTs just want to talk, and mostly want to talk about themselves. Worry less about saying something interesting and worry more about keeping them yapping, like shoveling more coal into a furnace.

 

[LucyPurrs]

My hair is so annoyingly long right now for that exact reason. Building on what @ksheehan88 says, let them lead and then keep them talking. Ask follow-up questions. Try to relate to what they say. Just remember that mostly it's that NTs just want to talk, and mostly want to talk about themselves. Worry less about saying something interesting and worry more about keeping them yapping, like shoveling more coal into a furnace.

hahaha! so true, keep the other person answering questions

 

[SusanLR]

That's the way I do it...
Let them yap all they want and answer if I need to.
I don't pretend to act like I want to engage in the chit chat
unless by a lucky strike they get on a subject that I am actually interested in.
It does happen!

 

[Progster]

I have to engage in conversation with the stylist

No, you don't have to engage in conversation. The hair stylist doesn't need to to be talking to do his job, except to ask you how much you want to cut off or about the style you want. There is no obligation to talk. It's like being in a taxi, you can choose to talk to the driver, or not, it's your choice. You are the customer.

A hair stylist, like a taxi driver, should be able to sense what kind of customer he's got, one who wants to talk or one who prefers to remain silent. Some people just migjht not want to talk for whatever reason, and the stylist needs to respect that. After all, his primary role is to cut hair, not socialise.

 

[pjcnet]

I even feel anxious when I'm queuing up to be served in a shop, especially when I've got to ask for things behind the counter, I'm there waiting rehearsing in my head repeatedly and it feels ridiculous, it's worse if I'm queuing up to ask for something at a reception and that's when they've often complained about me "shouting" when I sound perfectly normal to myself, there's been a few incidents and I'm more frightened to use them than a barbers. I hate going to semi self service cafes even more than a normal shop when you have to queue with a tray, often use a drinks machine with everyone watching you pressuring you to be quick and pass a food counter asking what you want before paying at the end, in fact I tend to avoid them. I have a similar feeling when getting my hair cut and I often leave it until I'm repeatedly nagged when I visit my parents, when having my hair cut itself I say as little as possible because it feels awkward, so I still know where you're coming from.

 

[pjcnet]

No, you don't have to engage in conversation. The hair stylist doesn't need to to be talking to do his job, except to ask you how much you want to cut off or about the style you want. There is no obligation to talk. It's like being in a taxi, you can choose to talk to the driver, or not, it's your choice. You are the customer.

A hair stylist, like a taxi driver, should be able to sense what kind of customer he's got, one who wants to talk or one who prefers to remain silent. Some people just migjht not want to talk for whatever reason, and the stylist needs to respect that. After all, his primary role is to cut hair, not socialise.

True, but it's generally good for business because the majority of people like it (most NTs) and it's therefore often encouraged. If the customer doesn't talk back the barber will almost certainly then stop and say the barest minimum to do the job, but he/she will most probably be thinking that they're a miserable antisocial b**t**d and you don't really want that if it can be avoided.

 

[Progster]

True, but it's generally good for business because the majority of people like it (most NTs) and it's therefore often encouraged. If the customer doesn't talk back the barber will almost certainly then stop and say the barest minimum to do the job, but he/she will most probably be thinking that they're a miserable antisocial b**t**d and you don't really want that if it can be avoided.

Yes, I get that most people like to talk, but we are all different and some people are chatty, some people aren't - even among NTs, there is a big variation. People shouldn't be obliged to talk if they don't feel like it. If taxi drivers can sense when a customer wants to talk, and aren't offended by a customer not talking, why should a hairdresser? If I get my hair cut, I say hello, tell them how I want it cut, I say thank you, but otherwise I don't talk, and she seems to be ok with it. I am polite and I don't see why it should be offensive that I don't want to talk.