How do you comfort yourself?

[Kalinychta]

Autistic people are well-known to become wound up quite easily. Many of us struggle with anxiety and depression and studies show that we are twice as likely as non-autistic people to develop an addiction.

I’ve always had tremendous difficulty calming myself. Stimming helps (I’ve been a rocker since I was an infant) but only in the very short-term. Lately I’ve been drinking way too much, and I got to thinking that aside from stimming, various mild-to-moderate addictions have been my way of calming my emotions throughout my life (I’m one of those highly-sensitive autistic people with an unusually acute sense of affective/emotional empathy, so day-to-day life is extra challenging for me).

So my question is: how do you comfort yourself, particularly when you’re feeling especially overwhelmed, stressed, angry, or sad? Most of us stim, but what else do you do that actually helps?

 

[Judge]

So my question is: how do you comfort yourself, particularly when you’re feeling especially overwhelmed, stressed, angry, or sad? Most of us stim, but what else do you do that actually helps?

That's when I try to live one day at a time, in the most literal sense. Where I don't even try- or want to look over the horizon into the next day or week. I just build my life around the next 24 hours or so. No hangover required.

 

[MischievousMochi]

The calming technique usually depends on the situation.

In a work environment where there's no alone time other than during lunch or bathroom break I usually stim by clicking the nails of my index finger and middle finger against my thumb nail. If I'm feeling pent up then I'll rapidly click away, other times I'll find a slower drumline tune to tap out or a jingle I've got in my head. I use to absentmindedly nail drum on a desk in high school, but stopped after repeated call outs in the middle of class by professors.
I also have a silver spinner ring for more dressy occasions. I recently found a website called stimtastic with an assortment of stimming toys and jewelry. So I'll be be ordering rings for everyday wear.

I've used playdoh in the past at home, but found out there's wheat in it which has caused thyroid flair ups and bigger anxiety down the line due to my autoimmine stuff.

I try journaling at the end of the day. I usually do a stream of conscious as a way to vent and get that out of my system, then do a check in with what went well, what could have gone better, and how to set myself up for success for the next day, and end it with a silver lining and a gratitude list. There are plenty of journaling prompts online. Stoic journaling is an interesting topic to look into.

I had an anxiety attack at my last job and had to hole myself away in a conference room until it went away. I used a focused breathing to ease the chest pains. I've been lax in my meditation breathing, but it's like riding a bike once you've practiced enough. I count in for 4 counts hold for 4 then release for 4 counts. Once I get into the rhythm of counting and breathing I do a body scan and do a muscles relaxation from the feet up.

I try not to drink when I'm stressed. It usually leads to a slippery slope and doesn't improve my mood. I'll enjoy some wine on my days off when I'm watching a show or playing a simulation like video game. Anything that doesn't require coordination.

 

[Aspychata]

Autistic people are well-known to become wound up quite easily. Many of us struggle with anxiety and depression and studies show that we are twice as likely as non-autistic people to develop an addiction.

I’ve always had tremendous difficulty calming myself. Stimming helps (I’ve been a rocker since I was an infant) but only in the very short-term. Lately I’ve been drinking way too much, and I got to thinking that aside from stimming, various mild-to-moderate addictions have been my way of calming my emotions throughout my life (I’m one of those highly-sensitive autistic people with an unusually acute sense of affective/emotional empathy, so day-to-day life is extra challenging for me).

So my question is: how do you comfort yourself, particularly when you’re feeling especially overwhelmed, stressed, angry, or sad? Most of us stim, but what else do you do that actually helps?

Thanks for bringing this up. Lately l have been reflecting on a good things that l can be thankful for.

I also now concentrate on the here and now. So l am not traveling to the upsetting past. My fav song makes me happy. If l stress out- sometimes crying just helps me feel better. If my job is super demanding, then l am restrained. But my job hasn't resumed so that's a downer. Drinking is bad so l will buy something crunchy or sweet. The gym keeps me on track, maybe that will reopen. I do doodle absent mindly. I think l have started tapping with pencils again. I wiggle my legs a lot. That's kinda of new. Rub my pants alot with my thumb. I have some extreme limitations and l do my best to deal with them and right now they are outside of my control.

 

[Mia]

Used to sometimes wrap my arms around myself when I was a child, sort of a self-hug. On occasion I still do it. I take baths, do a clay facial, and sit there reading and submersing myself in water and wiggling my toesIt helps that's it's the same bathtub that I took baths in as child with the high sides and sloped back. Which I rescued as it was about be thrown away during a renovation.

Also dance, and do katas with headphones on to lots of different kinds of music. It takes me to a place where only my body movements matter and creates a kind of euphoria.

Art does that as well for me, painting or drawing or collage. As does cycling.

 

[Wolfnox]

Comedy.

 

[QueenOfFrance87]

I have a lot of stress toys that helped. One toy, a squishy light-up dinosaur toy helped me through divorce court. I also have putty at home that I enjoy stretching and rolling into a ball, and the same applies to clay. I loved the days where Silly Putty can copy newspaper comics, albeit backwards.

I have just started writing again, this time fanfics about me and my imaginary BF, to cope with being alone. I've already written eight stories so far, and I hope to come up with more ideas so I don't get writer's block

I also love doing arts and crafts. I have knitted hats and scarves, made things out of Perler Beads, and enjoy doodling just for fun. I also enjoy music, and listening to 70s-80s music. I also play a little on the piano and guitar

I entertain myself with video games, with my main focus right now being Pokemon. I also love watching Let's Plays of other people playing video games. Speaking of Youtube, I love watching funny videos to brighten up my day.

My cat also calms me down and provides the comic relief in our home. There's never been a day when I don't tolerate her. In fact, anything cat-related makes me happy.

For stimming, I enjoy rocking back and forth and cracking my bones, as well as hugging myself at night and snuggling with nearby objects. I love ANYTHING that's soft, like stuffed animals and pillows, and enjoy touching and hugging them

 

[Bolletje]

Food, music, cuddling my cat, painting, writing, talking to my boyfriend, mom or grandmother. Playing video games. Drinking alcohol. Plenty of options.

 

[Thinx]

I don't normally drink alcohol any more, I have noticed I have been snacking more though. I try to get fruit especially oranges to distract me. I have a writing project I set myself that's interesting and challenging, and I garden, and walk a bit within the rules.

Reading is a good standby for me, also googling and sometimes trying to get better at a game like mahjong or word searches and other free games on my tablet and online. I have taken an interest in the figures published about the pandemic and what they mean, and looking at graphs and tables.

I was looking at stuff in the British Museum yesterday, you can look in the galleries (using Google maps) on their website, although I did spend a lot of time looking at magnolia walls and doors, not sure why they include those in the mapping but they're hard to avoid for the near dyspraxic googler.

 

[SusanLR]

Soft pillows, blankets, plush animals and jump into a soft bed if I'm at home.
Put on ambient music or a guided imagery cd. If I fall asleep, that's OK. It relaxes me.

If I'm out and need to calm myself I do little hacks like muscle tense/relax and breathing as smoothly
and deeply as I can. If I find it hard not to hyperventilate, the muscle tense/relax helps take my
mind off the breathing tension. Count to five as you tense your right foot, then cound backwards
from 5 to 1 as you relax it. Do this then to the left foot and go through every muscle group working upwards. It can be done so subtley no one notices and I get my focus back.

 

[some/aspies/need/hugs/13]

I use several techniques each has it's place small stress
Talk it out, controlled breathing and heart rate exercises, ride my bicycle.
Normal stress
Talk to someone I trust, curl up in bed, hug someone I trust
Extreme stress
Find one of my emergency friends (these are a list of friends who are good at helping me calm down I keep in a bracelet on my wrist).

 

[Ezra]

Deep breathing and rocking.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I sit on the floor and rock from left to right whenever I'm at home and not asleep or eating. About 5-7 hours on weekdays and 12-14 on weekends.

Smoked weed on and off for 13 years. Quit twice for over a year and this time I'm on day 151.

Abused alcohol for 6.5 years. Also on day 151 of sobriety.

Sat in front of my pc whenever I'm at home. Whether it's surfing the net, gaming, listening to music or reading.

At work I fidget constantly because I can't sway. On the drive home I'm manic/hyperactive as I've had to bottle up everything for 9 hours at work. So it's nonstop finger drumming, exaggerated movements, loud music and very loud verbal tics, noises, silly voices etc. Usually calm down by the time I get home. But I'm prone to elongated bouts of mania too.

Flipside has been long term depression (nearly 20 years) and generalized anxiety disorder (10 years).

I find I also only play and watch a few select TV shows and video games. Over and over. The repetition is comforting. It's not to say I don't try new shows etc, but for the most part I stick with what I know.

Ed

 

[Vindicator Phoenix]

I plan my next few days and prepare everything I need. Once I feel a sense of closure, I spend time alone.
Then, I listen to some Dark Ambient music, and sink into: journaling, writing, or gaming.
I always choose what I do, and how I do it, when alone. That way, I feel more powerful. I no longer feel like my work supervisors own my life. I make the decisions, rather than looking for orders to which I can react. By leaving solitude with that feeling of, "I did it," I retain some peace.

 

[SDRSpark]

The biggest thing that has helped me lately has been assessing and validating my emotions. When I notice I'm stressed, I'll actually ask myself how I'm feeling. Maybe I'm sad, or angry, or frustrated, or....then I'll tell myself it's reasonable and expected to feel that way given whatever situation caused it.

It's a lot easier to avoid getting hung up when I'm not fighting myself about it.

It was also somewhat difficult to learn. After decades of being told to suppress my emotions, to "just think about something else" etc. (because wanting to address legitimate issues is a burden to others, apparently) I really had to set out to intentionally learn something new.

I've stopped thinking of anxiety, depression, sadness etc as negative emotions. They're unpleasant, yes, but they're not bad. Just unpleasant.

These are long term solutions. Short term, I struggle. Breathing exercises help, but it's the practice that does the most good - it took a couple weeks of doing it regularly for my body to get the hang of it, so to speak. In the moment, it can take a half hour of breathing exercises to get my body to calm down, and the effects are often short lived - as soon as I stop focusing on my breath whatever upset starts up again.

 

[Kalinychta]

I sit on the floor and rock from left to right whenever I'm at home and not asleep or eating. About 5-7 hours on weekdays and 12-14 on weekends.

Smoked weed on and off for 13 years. Quit twice for over a year and this time I'm on day 151.

Abused alcohol for 6.5 years. Also on day 151 of sobriety.

Sat in front of my pc whenever I'm at home. Whether it's surfing the net, gaming, listening to music or reading.

At work I fidget constantly because I can't sway. On the drive home I'm manic/hyperactive as I've had to bottle up everything for 9 hours at work. So it's nonstop finger drumming, exaggerated movements, loud music and very loud verbal tics, noises, silly voices etc. Usually calm down by the time I get home. But I'm prone to elongated bouts of mania too.

Flipside has been long term depression (nearly 20 years) and generalized anxiety disorder (10 years).

I find I also only play and watch a few select TV shows and video games. Over and over. The repetition is comforting. It's not to say I don't try new shows etc, but for the most part I stick with what I know.

Ed

A fellow rocker! I used to rock from side to side when I was a kid, like you do, as well as the “traditional” forward and backward rocking, but now I just do the latter. You rock five to seven hours a day, you say? That’s a lot. I usually do I suppose about 60-90 minutes cumulative daily (or up to several hours if I’m really upset about something). There are hardly any rockers on this forum (I thought there would be more, given that rocking is specifically listed in the DSM as a common autistic trait), so it’s always nice to meet a fellow rocker. Oh, and congratulations on five months of sobriety. That takes a lot of bravery.

 

[SDRSpark]

A fellow rocker! I used to rock from side to side when I was a kid, like you do, as well as the “traditional” forward and backward rocking, but now I just do the latter. You rock five to seven hours a day, you say? That’s a lot. I usually do I suppose about 60-90 minutes cumulative daily (or up to several hours if I’m really upset about something). There are hardly any rockers on this forum (I thought there would be more, given that rocking is specifically listed in the DSM as a common autistic trait), so it’s always nice to meet a fellow rocker. Oh, and congratulations on five months of sobriety. That takes a lot of bravery.

When I was a child I would put a blanket over my head and roll back and forth to music. I did it for hours a day and I actually destroyed two mattresses doing it (which is why I eventually stopped). I now listen to music through headphones and sit and rock.

I sway back and forth pretty much constantly when standing too.

I think I almost never stop rocking but I can do other things at the same time so I guess I never noticed or realized it was a thing (except in childhood).

I guess my old childhood stim just transformed.

 

[Kalinychta]

When I was a child I would put a blanket over my head and roll back and forth to music. I did it for hours a day and I actually destroyed two mattresses doing it (which is why I eventually stopped). I now listen to music through headphones and sit and rock.

I did something like that, too! Was your body completely straight when you did it? When I was a kid, before I went to sleep every night I would lie on my front with my face in my pillow and my knees bent and spread out (like a frog lying face-down) and rock side to side under the blankets. Is that more or less what you did, too? It’s weird how comforting is and how it’s a compulsion.

 

[SDRSpark]

I did something like that, too! Was your body completely straight when you did it? When I was a kid, before I went to sleep every night I would lie on my front with my face in my pillow and my knees bent and spread out (like a frog lying face-down) and rock side to side under the blankets. Is that more or less what you did, too? It’s weird how comforting is and how it’s a compulsion.

I would lie on my back with one of my blankies (comfort items that I kept well into my preteen years if not later) over my face and roll back and forth singing and daydreaming. I would get really upset if my parents made me turn the music off.

 

[grommet]

Autistic people are well-known to become wound up quite easily. Many of us struggle with anxiety and depression and studies show that we are twice as likely as non-autistic people to develop an addiction.

I’ve always had tremendous difficulty calming myself. Stimming helps (I’ve been a rocker since I was an infant) but only in the very short-term. Lately I’ve been drinking way too much, and I got to thinking that aside from stimming, various mild-to-moderate addictions have been my way of calming my emotions throughout my life (I’m one of those highly-sensitive autistic people with an unusually acute sense of affective/emotional empathy, so day-to-day life is extra challenging for me).

So my question is: how do you comfort yourself, particularly when you’re feeling especially overwhelmed, stressed, angry, or sad? Most of us stim, but what else do you do that actually helps?

I am similar to how you describe yourself. I do not have a good way of calming myself. I do things so routinely that I think I have used up my regular ways of calming. About a year and a half ago I started drinking alcohol for the first time. I like it very much as a solution. It doesn't always work but if I am starting to panic I will have one shot (1 ounce) of rum and I feel calmer quickly. I am only having a shot once a week maybe but I am glad I have something I do not need a prescription for that can help me.

I do not think I can become addicted to alcohol or drugs. This is my impression, I have no argument to support it as a fact. In my life I have never had an interest in drugs or alcohol and even when I have had a lot of prescribed medication around, I have never become interested in it or abused it. I have been this way for so long I do not think my genetics tend me that way so I hope it will be okay because so far occasional alcohol has been a wonderful solution, though it seems a little expensive. A bottle is $7.99. and I can get 25 drinks from it so maybe it is affordable actually.

Sorry for the long post. The things that usually calm me are my interests. I worry about boring people if I list them here but the concentration on them can really help. It used to help. Lately nothing seems to help much. I wish I could have just one calm day before I die. I could enjoy that day and spend the rest of my life remembering it.