How do you chat to a girl who looks attractive?

[Michael B]

How do you chat to a girl who you find attractive and what are best stuff to ask her?

 

[Flinty]

Like you would with anyone else, because she's going to find out what you're really like eventually.

 

[Vanilla]

How do you chat to a girl who you find attractive and what are best stuff to ask her?

Being yourself is always best, but it helps to find out what her interests are, and showing your support in her interests. Just be honest; girls (mostly NTs, but not necessarily exclusively) can spot lies fairly well most of the time.

If it doesn't work out, try not to take it personally. It is unreasonable to expect a pretty girl to say yes to everyone who is interested in her; in saying that, most guys avoid pretty girls all together, as they feel they are 'out of their league', and so you may very well be one of the few who bother to approach her at all.

 

[142857]

I'd say that an aspie guy is more likely to have more problems with excessive honesty with girls rather than dishonesty. Most of us are not great at lying.

Be yourself, don't try to impress her. Easier said than done, of course, but if you practice interacting socially with people it does get a little easier.

 

[Warwick C]

I find it easier to talk to women than other men. How ever most my conversation a responding to the other person, I am learn to ask more

 

[shakeitup94]

Say hi ask her about her day. After a few minutes of talking compliment her appearance. Nice dress or something simple. Ask her about school or work or the weekend or something. Be yourself and don't hit on her straight away or in the first conversation you have if you will see her again. And don't be nervous just talk to her like you would a normal friend or anyone.

 

[Crazi]

Something I've noticed is that guys usually want to date backwards. By that I mean, because they (generally) have less responsibility invested in sex, they want to jump to sex (instant gratification) and THEN get to know the girl (if they still care to). Where as most girls know they can't afford to sleep with every guy- mostly cause every guy (/girl) cannot be trusted. So, my advice to you is not to force it but to instead engage in a relationship feet first and start by getting to know her as a person, as a friend, like you would with any body else.
Once you know her, and her you then find out if she's interested in you romantically. If not? Tough freaking luck. You can't force a girl to be attracted to you and compliance is a must. Don't even get me started with the double standard "friend zone"****.
Most guys don't do it this way- instead- they'll try to ask a girl out when they're still strangers but that does them no good as 9 times out of ten they just get turned down. As Vanilla wisely pointed out, girls often can see through guys like a knife through soft butter. They know your intentions and often times, because of the lack of trust itjust makes them feel uncomfortable. So if your going to try and do this- do it right. Make the investment. It will help give you a better assessment of whether you really want to be with her, not just her with you.

And for the record, I know it's often an inappropriately used term but try not to objectify a girl in her presence a least. It's rude. in fact, try to not objectify period. Aim to see a girl as her true self, a beautiful person- because objects while conveniently able to be used however, are FAR from a living human being- who has soooooooooo much more to offer than just physical stimulation.

@Warwick C you hear me? NO objectification! lol jk you're fine

Edit: oh and when I say get to know them. Try to be they're friend before you ask them out. If they're not friend worthy they're definitely not date worthy. If they ARE friend worthy then ask them when you feel you'd both be comfortable to make the jump. Etc. etc.

 

[Warwick C]

For me I have always been more comfortable in association with women than men. EG I fnd it easier to talk to a female case manager than a male one, I just feel more at ease, for some reason. I also have differcutly with using the term lady, girl, and women. The first two are age related, I see everyone as equal and women to me is a multiple. I have only found myself, interest in friendship I could do not care about sex, it is of no interest to me.

No offence taken Crazi

 

[Crazi]

For me I have always been more comfortable in association with women than men. EG I fnd it easier to talk to a female case manager than a male one, I just feel more at ease, for some reason. I also have differcutly with using the term lady, girl, and women. The first two are age related, I see everyone as equal and women to me is a multiple. I have only found myself, interest in friendship I could do not care about sex, it is of no interest to me.

No offence taken Crazi

oh that's surprising.
I was just basing it off your pin-up girl avi!

 

[Warwick C]

For me I am interested all forms of female pin up photography, However I would prefer to see women portaid as being stronger. I also lean towards women owning their own hot rods and custom cars, professional sailors as well. One person I look upto is Tracy Edwards, the first skipper of a all female crew in a round the world race.

For me my avatar only reflects a small part of me

 

[Crazi]

@ the last sentence., no I understand that. even if you had different attitudes toward women I would still keep it in mind. I was really just teasing you. Hoping you didn't take it wrong . . . I guess I shouldn't have assumed it's just- that's the association I make with pin-up I suppose.

 

[wyverary]

For me I have always been more comfortable in association with women than men. EG I fnd it easier to talk to a female case manager than a male one, I just feel more at ease, for some reason. I also have differcutly with using the term lady, girl, and women. The first two are age related, I see everyone as equal and women to me is a multiple. I have only found myself, interest in friendship I could do not care about sex, it is of no interest to me.

No offence taken Crazi

Something that, if I remember correclty, has come up in this forum, is the idea of do we Aspies relate better to those of the opposite sex than their own. Personally, I am totally with you on this one. In general--not always, but in general--I get along much better with females. Not that I don't have male friends, good male friends, but I find females easier to relate to.

This is hardly relevant to the thread topic though, so, I guess I'll leave it by saying that Crazi put it incredibly well--you will get nowhere unless you treat them as human beings rather than as future mates.

 

[Warwick C]

I think it was a misunderstanding of my first post and unwise choice of avatar. Wyv I think you have explaind What felt in the first place, but could find words for it. this one is of a professional sailor (Sam Davies) during promotional work.

I'll let the thread get back on track

 

[G-Max]

How do you chat to a girl?

The same way you'd talk to anyone else.

 

[142857]

Something I've noticed is that guys usually want to date backwards. By that I mean, because they (generally) have less responsibility invested in sex, they want to jump to sex (instant gratification) and THEN get to know the girl (if they still care to).

Good post and good advice.

I will just point out that the problem a lot of guys on the spectrum have (myself included when I was younger) is an extreme lack of self confidence, an inability to tell whether a girl is giving an indication that she is interested or just humouring them, poor social skills, etc etc etc. Not some tendency to treat women as sex objects.

We tend to see women as unattainable and mysterious rather than some source of sexual gratification.

 

[Crazi]

That confusion is actually true for many guys, AS or not, but time along with clear communication will provide you an answer. Sometimes you have to initiate the question though.

 

[G-Max]

Something I've noticed is that guys usually want to date backwards. By that I mean, because they (generally) have less responsibility invested in sex, they want to jump to sex (instant gratification) and THEN get to know the girl (if they still care to).

You err in assuming that there is a "forward" or "backward" way to date.

I also recommend against speculating about the mindsets of other people, regardless of what outward appearances may indicate.