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how do i tell my parents i don’t want to do anything for my birthday?

callmeriver

Autistic Intersex Cutie
V.I.P Member
my birthday is in 2 months and my parents like to plan birthdays a month or 2 in advance, sometimes earlier but i don’t want to do anything for my birthday this year and i don’t want any gifts or a dessert of any kind either, i never liked celebrating my birthday because it always makes me anxious with everyone being loud, serving food i don’t even like and way too much socializing and having to pretend you like the gifts you receive while i do appreciate the thought of celebrating my birthday and receiving gifts but i don’t actually enjoy celebrating or receiving gifts, even if its something i wanted, i’m the type of person that prefers to save up for things i want.

basically what i am asking how do i tell my parents nicely that i don’t want to do anything for my birthday and that i don’t want any gifts either without them getting mad or upset?
 

Judge

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Compromise. Tell them you just want it to be a modest celebration between you and both of your parents.

Nothing more, nothing less.
 

Captain Jigglypuff

Leader of the Jigglypuff Army
V.I.P Member
Have you thought about asking for gift cards instead of gifts? That’s what I’ve asked my sister to give me for the past three years because then I can get something that I really want and know that I can always keep any leftover money on the card for another day.
 

Thinx

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
It can be hard to avoid upsetting others sometimes, especially when they hope to please you with presents. You could try to sit them down and quietly explain your views and preferences. Or maybe tell the parent most likely to understand, and let them handle the other parent?

Also maybe try having something positive to say, don't just present what you dislike or find difficult about it, but say some positive phrases. Eg I like to take some quiet time to think and chill out. Rather than, I hate noisy places and being centre of attention. Though both may be true.
 

Fino

Alex
V.I.P Member
What would happen if you just told them you don't want to do anything for your birthday? Does directly telling them things usually have bad results?
 

SusanLR

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Tuesday was my birthday and I really did'nt want to do anything either, but, the guy I live with
wanted to take me to dinner.
I don't do much socializing, so I accepted. Good meal, but, I don't like the noise in a crowded
restaurant. It's OK once in a while.
 

Streetwise

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
my birthday is in 2 months and my parents like to plan birthdays a month or 2 in advance, sometimes earlier but i don’t want to do anything for my birthday this year and i don’t want any gifts or a dessert of any kind either, i never liked celebrating my birthday because it always makes me anxious with everyone being loud, serving food i don’t even like and way too much socializing and having to pretend you like the gifts you receive while i do appreciate the thought of celebrating my birthday and receiving gifts but i don’t actually enjoy celebrating or receiving gifts, even if its something i wanted, i’m the type of person that prefers to save up for things i want.

basically what i am asking how do i tell my parents nicely that i don’t want to do anything for my birthday and that i don’t want any gifts either without them getting mad or upset?
Download and print info about high functioning autism in women regarding socialising !,so they can understand in their language however they address you, keep a calm firm tone non! loud !to your voice ,show them pictures of what!a!birthday!you!would like!is! ^-^
 

Nervous Rex

High-functioning autistic
V.I.P Member
Perhaps try phrasing it as a positive. Instead of saying, "I don't want a party or a big group", tell them what you do want. You might say, "For my birthday, what I really want is a quiet day doing <my favorite activities>." ... change that to whatever it is you really want. Let them know how happy that would make you.

... and if they go along with it, make sure to thank and praise them afterward so they are "rewarded".
 

Silhouette Mirage

.
V.I.P Member
I declined a really awesome offer for my birthday from my parents in favor of just chilling at home with my wife. It's less stimulating, doesn't overwhelm my senses, and honestly I'm happiest just being at home.

It's your birthday, so putting yourself first isn't selfish imo
 

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