How did you learn to fully embrace your autism?

[FilterFreq]

Whenever I'm in a group (even if it's just a family gathering or talking with friends online) I always find myself trying to blend in and mask. Like, even if everyone knows I'm autistic but I'm the only autistic one in the group I'm just kind of hyperfocused on how I can try to blend in like a neurotypical. Maybe it's to try to please them or to make the situation more comfortable for them, but I know in reality that being the autistic one in the group has its own unique strengths and weaknesses which make things interesting. Not only that, but I also know that most people (regardless of whether they're on the spectrum or not) respect authenticity across the board, just like I do.

Honestly, it feels kind of automatic still. I was diagnosed about a decade ago but still managed to live in denial for a while after, and only through sobriety have I found some kind of (or beginnings of) peace with my autism. But even through all of that, I just try to hide it on autopilot and it kind of sucks. I wish I wasn't so ashamed to be autistic.

Any tips or advice are greatly appreciated!

 

[Rodafina]

My acceptance also came through sobriety. Additionally, all the masking and “blending in” became too exhausting – soul crushingly tiring. Autism just makes sense to me. It’s the path of lesser resistance to accept my reality, and it’s nice to no longer feel alone because of people here on the forum. Authenticity without exorbitant effort to fit in lead to a much stronger feeling of being at peace with myself.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Retired now no longer relevant.

 

[FayetheAspie]

I never was one to change myself to fit in with peers. I just wish I could find some "peers" that were more like myself. I mask certain parts of my personality around my dad to stay out of trouble. Mostly that means not showing as much enthusiasm as I naturally do and limiting how much I talk.

 

[thejuice]

I had to fully embrace my autism a few days ago when I accidentally asked someone a question they didnt like. They made a bit of a meal of it. Oh well march on!

 

[FayetheAspie]

I had to fully embrace my autism a few days ago when I accidentally asked someone a question they didnt like. They made a bit of a meal of it. Oh well march on!

Could you please explain what your second to last sentence means.

 

[thejuice]

I mean they had an exaggerated reaction to the situation. Then they started avoiding me when I tried talking to them since. Why people loudly air their dirty laundry in public I don't know. It's kind of funny to me, me stepping on a landmine once again and blowing a leg off, and them clutching pearls!

 

[AprilR]

I embraced my autism with the help of my faith. Although i am not really religious, seeing myself as inferior bc of something i cannot change seemed like a sin

 

[thejuice]

What about seeing yourself as superior as a massive cope?

 

[AprilR]

^I think that is just egoistic Another thing that helped me is connecting with other autistic and disabled people. If i don't see those people as inferior, i should not see myself as inferior either. I noticed i am always setting myself to higher standards than i set other people, and this is unfair to me.

 

[thejuice]

Yeah that's true

 

[Peter Morrison]

Acknowledging that you are ASD is the first positive move, but I disagree with your need to "fit in". Who are you trying to be like? There is nothing wrong with you as you are. ASD is a disability that you have to manage on your own. If you lose yourself, you will be robbing yourself of the unusual, unique, useful, and fun characteristics that keep you glued together as a person. Nobody is capable of doing everything that goes on in the world. Because of our ASD condition, we feel deficient because we lack certain skills that other might have. There is no one person who possesses all the skills that humans have been able to hone and perfect. There is nothing more vile than lamenting something that isn't there. That's part of the reason for the expression "beating a dead horse".

One aspect of getting by in life as a person with ASD is knowing where your deficiencies lie. This helps you identify situations that you should probably avoid. With that understanding, focus more on those skills and interests that work well for you. My major skill is categorization and classification. It's a skill that applies to many jobs and it serves me well in daily life. I tend to believe people (sucker), but I am aware that I can be easily swayed. I just have to be aware of that because it is always present and could get me into trouble. Also, I possess special interests that few others care about. They are too academic and most people don't have the same background and experience as I do, so I'm on my own with that. Luckily, I enjoy indulging my interests without being interrupted. When I am interrupted, I lose my train of thought. If I need to be around the real world, I leave the house and experience some change in my daily routine. I'm not working anymore, so my huge amount of free time requires I keep some structure in my life beyond obligations. Hence, I am exploring with my own set of interests and discovering a lot of new ways to enrich my mind and deal with "dead time".

Embracing my autism is achieved by making friends with it. It's not going to go away and it isn't trying to hurt me. The damage is already done. I was ignorant of it until a number of years ago. I gain nothing by complaining and I don't try to fix it. It's just a fact in my life. I put more effort into enjoying what it is that I have to offer, regardless of any limited capability. Physically, I experience extreme pain in my left shoulder due to pulling and pushing heavy freight crates in an unsafe manner. I simply overdid it. I also have claudication in my right calf making long walks painful. I have pain, but I am not suffering. It's just another fact of life that I have to live with. I am not incapacitated - I just have certain limitations that I can manage because I am aware of them.

Nobody should be ashamed of being on the spectrum. Don't let anyone tell you are weak or "not good enough". Take charge of your own life and never compare yourself to others. Negativity is unhealthy, and it takes away from the focus you can apply to goals and interests.

 

[Judge]

I accept my autism. However I've never embraced it as such.

Being retired I have little contact in the real world with much of anyone. Leaving my OCD to be problematic as it follows me wherever I go even when alone. My autism? Not so much.

 

[DrBadStrings]

My acceptance also came through sobriety. Additionally, all the masking and “blending in” became too exhausting – soul crushingly tiring. Autism just makes sense to me. It’s the path of lesser resistance to accept my reality, and it’s nice to no longer feel alone because of people here on the forum. Authenticity without exorbitant effort to fit in lead to a much stronger feeling of being at peace with myself.

Interestingly enough my discovery that I was autistic came because of my sobriety and choosing to enroll in a live-in Rehab program for 2 months that focused as much on overall mental health and well being as they did on addiction itself. Holistic approach where the addiction was treated more as a symptom of underlying mental health issues. Long story short while there I got put on the autism path and for me at least learning that changed my entire life in an instant. Through the lense of autism suddenly everything in my life, difficulties and addiction included, all suddenly just made perfect sense. It was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I just suddenly understood myself in a way I never thought possible before. Now not only am I sober and maintaining that I feel like I'm really thriving in life for really the first time in my 40+ years and not just able to muddle through because I'm "brilliant", their words not mine.

Now I'll throw one monkey wrench into the works. While I fully embrace the autism I'm now left in an existential mid life crisis of sorts where I'm very much in the midst of a discovering and deciding who I really am both as a sober person, and as someone late diagnosed in the autistic community. In some respects it's like having done a dna test and finding out your entire heritage was just not at all what you thought it was. Mind you crisis is not the right word as this is by no means mentally distressing and in fact a very welcoming and positive time/opportunity in my life.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Whenever I'm in a group (even if it's just a family gathering or talking with friends online) I always find myself trying to blend in and mask. Like, even if everyone knows I'm autistic but I'm the only autistic one in the group I'm just kind of hyperfocused on how I can try to blend in like a neurotypical. Maybe it's to try to please them or to make the situation more comfortable for them, but I know in reality that being the autistic one in the group has its own unique strengths and weaknesses which make things interesting. Not only that, but I also know that most people (regardless of whether they're on the spectrum or not) respect authenticity across the board, just like I do.

Honestly, it feels kind of automatic still. I was diagnosed about a decade ago but still managed to live in denial for a while after, and only through sobriety have I found some kind of (or beginnings of) peace with my autism. But even through all of that, I just try to hide it on autopilot and it kind of sucks. I wish I wasn't so ashamed to be autistic.

Any tips or advice are greatly appreciated!

Everyone's situation is different, however, being diagnosed late in life at 52 it was a lot easier. I say this because I was already in positions of leadership, mentorship, and education. I am self-taught on a wide variety of disciplines and skillsets. I have been with the same woman for nearly 40 years and raised two young men who are also successful in their own careers and financial standing. I never had the issue of low self-esteem or had been a victim, per se. I was always confident in my abilities, especially given the fact that I had these known deficits and had to learn to do things MY way. I have always been independent and never followed what others were doing. Isolating as it may be, I knew myself. After my diagnosis, it only confirmed WHY I had these deficits and WHY my life path was the way it turned out. The diagnosis and then my own research into autism was answering many of my life questions. For me, it was easy to accept.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Everyone's situation is different, however, being diagnosed late in life at 52 it was a lot easier. I say this because I was already in positions of leadership, mentorship, and education. I am self-taught on a wide variety of disciplines and skillsets. I have been with the same woman for nearly 40 years and raised two young men who are also successful in their own careers and financial standing. I never had the issue of low self-esteem or had been a victim, per se. I was always confident in my abilities, especially given the fact that I had these known deficits and had to learn to do things MY way. I have always been independent and never followed what others were doing. Isolating as it may be, I knew myself. After my diagnosis, it only confirmed WHY I had these deficits and WHY my life path was the way it turned out. The diagnosis and then my own research into autism was answering many of my life questions. For me, it was easy to accept.

We have a lot in common, with one exception never got opportunity for leadership rest very similar.

 

[stevens]

Whenever I'm in a group (even if it's just a family gathering or talking with friends online) I always find myself trying to blend in and mask. Like, even if everyone knows I'm autistic but I'm the only autistic one in the group I'm just kind of hyperfocused on how I can try to blend in like a neurotypical. Maybe it's to try to please them or to make the situation more comfortable for them, but I know in reality that being the autistic one in the group has its own unique strengths and weaknesses which make things interesting. Not only that, but I also know that most people (regardless of whether they're on the spectrum or not) respect authenticity across the board, just like I do.

Honestly, it feels kind of automatic still. I was diagnosed about a decade ago but still managed to live in denial for a while after, and only through sobriety have I found some kind of (or beginnings of) peace with my autism. But even through all of that, I just try to hide it on autopilot and it kind of sucks. I wish I wasn't so ashamed to be autistic.

Any tips or advice are greatly appreciated!

I don't think people embrace all kinds of authenticity. Since I worked for the same employer for 25 years, it was impossible for coworkers not to see the autism. They didn't like it. It was very authentic. I've known people who were authentic and unpopular at the same time. I always envied that kind of self-esteem, too.

As some others have noted, retirement made it possible to be my authentic self, without serious consequences. Another thing that gave me a license to be myself was a late diagnosis. Without that, I had nothing to offer when I got pushback. If anything, the mere affirmation of a professional (in my case a group of professionals agreeing that I'm autistic) was empowering.

Like many things in life, having to earn a living got in the way of the freedom to be myself. That's not always 100% even in retirement. No matter whether I'm employed or not, I try to avoid people who have the power to deploy authority against me as revenge for being different. This is a problem in any society where people take authoritarian license.

 

[Aspychata]

Do any of us fully embrace it? Would we even talk about it truthfully? That l feel different, that when l talk to others, they don't have logicl loops constantly running thru their heads, nor do they feel the burning need to reduce everything to the odds of it happening or not happening.

 

[saturnv]

I haven't really accepted it. I still don't know what to think about it. I always knew something was wrong with me and I have laid in bed sometimes after the diagnosis and had memories wash over me that now make more sense in light of the fact that I am autistic. Yet, I still worry sometimes that the diagnosis is incorrect and feel like I don't deserve to say I am autistic when there are people that are much more negatively impacted by their symptoms. To the extent that I do think it is true, I am not sure knowing is helping me because I now doubt myself even more than before in social situations.

On the plus side, learning more about meltdowns has been helpful for me because I am now more aware of something like an internal pressure gauge and sometimes I can notice in time to go somewhere else and avert disaster. I also have been allowing myself to wear earplugs or avoid situations that cause sensory problems instead of just enduring it and I am surprised by how much stress that alleviates. I can't argue against the utility of viewing myself through the lens of autism. I may grow to accept it over time.

I haven't said anything about my diagnosis to anyone except my immediate family. My dad knows because the psychologist questioned him during the process and he later asked about the results. I don't really have any friends to tell and I don't think telling the people I work with is a good idea. I guess it is just something I will have to figure out alone.

 

[NB79]

i 'embrace' my autism when i am alone, even then sometimes the appearance i give to others don't want to go, but i enjoy when i am alone and relax the appearance and meditate or pray or something.