How did you know?

[LadyBird84]

For those of you who have been in this situation:
How did you know you had gotten to the point where you could no longer work (as much)?

I have ‘high functioning’ (I don’t really like the term) autism and work part time. I find that I think about work all the time. It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up. Sometimes I have nightmares about it. I’m tired a lot. I’ve given up other things I used to do in my time off: volunteering, hobby's, reading, the little bit of social life. Sometimes I can’t sleep and I’ve been losing weight. My husband says he’s worried. I can’t focus on other things anymore.

(My job is not very autism friendly. It’s loud and chaotic and there are many social interactions.)

I think that maybe I can’t handle (this type of) work at the moment and maybe I need to ask to work fewer hours.
But I struggle to admit that I cannot.do.this.

So I guess what I’m asking is..
How do you know you got to the point where it was better to work less or stop working? Or where you just couldn’t do it anymore?

I’m privileged enough to be in the situation where this is an actual possibility (at least for now).

I want to be able to hold down a job and support myself.
I can hold down a job and support myself.
I just don’t know if I’m sacrificing my mental health while I’m at it.
How do I know?
For some reason it feels like I’m not a valid human being if I can’t make this work.

I hope this made sense.
It's kind of all over the place.

(I want to make clear that I don't think people need to work to be of value. Not at all. (Not a fan of capitalism.) I just can’t seem to apply this to myself.)

Thanks for reading.

 

[Progster]

How do you know you got to the point where it was better to work less or stop working? Or where you just couldn’t do it anymore?

In my case, I was physically sick. I had to take time off work, and simply couldn't do it any more, so I quit.

I was on and off antidepressants and took Xanax for a while, and that helped with the anxiety issues. Perhaps you could talk to your doctor to talk about options to get your anxiety and stress under control, or perhaps try to find more efficient coping strategies or accommodations at work to make your environment more tolerable such as wearing earplugs, moving your desk to somewhere more quiet. You don't mention what kind of job you do, so I can't give specific suggestions.

 

[Major Tom]

For me it was when EVERY full time job was too much for me to handle... Then I went to part time jobs, lots of those I couldn't handle either. I finally found a part time job teaching that I can barely handle, I do it because of my family. The hardest part is the money struggle and also my wife coming down on me because she wants me to work more.. The thing is its either keep what I have which is good pay for part time, or chance working full time for less money per hour and the risk of getting put into a padded room for a while and having no job.
I told my wife before we were married that I would never be rich, but I don't think she took me seriously.
Anyways, don't get yourself put into a padded room trying to conform to a society that was not meant for people like us. Good luck!

 

[Progster]

For me it was when EVERY full time job was too much for me to handle... Then I went to part time jobs, lots of those I couldn't handle either. I finally found a part time job teaching that I can barely handle, I do it because of my family. The hardest part is the money struggle and also my wife coming down on me because she wants me to work more.. The thing is its either keep what I have which is good pay for part time, or chance working full time for less money per hour and the risk of getting put into a padded room for a while and having no job.
I told my wife before we were married that I would never be rich, but I don't think she took me seriously.
Anyways, don't get yourself put into a padded room trying to conform to a society that was not meant for people like us. Good luck!

I teach too, part time and seasonal. It's the fact that it's seasonal that makes it doable, getting a long vacation in summer, at Christmas and at Easter. Also, the fact that I teach one to one and not groups. I used to work in a school, and I couldn't handle it at all. I moved from school to school, burning out at the end of each academic year and changing school every year, blaming the school or employer and thinking that things would be better if I changed school, but it never was. Now I am diagnosed, I know that the problem is with me, I just can't fit in. Most people would have given up long before I did, but I was incredibly stubborn, and it was either that or be unemployed. Never again though.

 

[LadyBird84]

Thanks for replying.

You don't mention what kind of job you do, so I can't give specific suggestions.

I work with children. I'd love to wear earplugs. But not really possible. I try to take the kids outside a lot where their activity and noises are a little less noticeable. I struggle to communicate with my coworkers sometimes, they all like to make plans on the spot.. I never know what I can expect going in. I've tried to change this but haven't been able to.

Most people would have given up long before I did, but I was incredibly stubborn, and it was either that or be unemployed. Never again though.

I know what that's like.. I'm stubborn and I think I should be able to do this.

 

[Mr Allen]

I didn't.

I mean come on, I'm 43 in April, and apart from a brief period of working at Boots in Meadowhall in October to November 1997, I've only ever done volunteer work.

I have a meeting tomorrow about possibly going back to the Charity shop I started at last November.

I know Dad would like it if I didn't work, but 1) I'm not becoming a slave to the benefit system and 2) I am not proving the Internet correct in their opinion that I am 1.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

I dont work and go at unni, but last year, I couldnt keep up anymore because I couldnt get up of my bed and for 3 weeks the simple act of walking in my neibourhood was like an extreme effort.

This is when I decided I had to find out what was going on with me.

 

[the_tortoise]

How did you know you had gotten to the point where you could no longer work (as much)?

When for the twentieth time or so a job was falling apart and so was my life because of communication and executive functioning difficulties (I was not even 23, at that point, by the way) -- ultimately I became so stressed out I couldn't leave the house and basically stopped sleeping.

 

[Progster]

Thanks for replying.

I work with children. I'd love to wear earplugs. But not really possible. I try to take the kids outside a lot where their activity and noises are a little less noticeable. I struggle to communicate with my coworkers sometimes, they all like to make plans on the spot.. I never know what I can expect going in. I've tried to change this but haven't been able to.

I know what that's like.. I'm stubborn and I think I should be able to do this.

Working with children is difficult, especially when they are constantly testing the boundaries. I had difficulties with the other members of staff too, because they would make changes or ask things of me at the last minute. It's difficult - you need to try things to see what works - if taking the kids outside helps, try to do that when you can. Perhaps there is a library or a quiet place where you work where you can retreat during breaks.

 

[Sid Delicious]

I knew very early on that I would never be able to do certain jobs for more than an hour or so. I've always avoided those jobs as a result. I just don't put myself in those situations if I can help it, as I know it will quickly be very very obvious to everyone around me that I lack certain skills. There's nothing wrong with that. A lot of NT people couldn't do the sort of work that I'm very good at, so they would have to avoid those jobs. It's just common sense to focus on what you CAN do well.

 

[Pats]

I always had a hard time working, and everyone probably gets tired of hearing it, but I worked for my kids - single mom, single income. Once they were all grown and I knew I couldn't work in hospitals any more I started working in home health, which was so much better. Whoever I was going to see, I'd call the night before and set up an approximate time - usually what was best for me. I was driving so that gave me good breaks between patients and I did all my paperwork from home. But I did go to working weekends, because I still could only handle so much. (I still thought, with a few exceptions, that no one liked working and if they had to so did I).
When I stopped working it was more for physical reasons - it became difficult to focus with pain and I was starting to make mistakes with my paperwork. After my second neck surgery I went ahead and applied for disability. Social security set up a psyche appointment (just one of their requirements) and, funny thing, that's what their decision was mostly based on that I was incapable of working anywhere.
I felt like I stayed at that breaking point, but had no choice but to trudge on. I do remember working and taking care of my mom and it was more than I could do but everyone kept telling me I needed to work to keep my sanity so I kept working until, finally, one day my mom had gotten quite worse and I just told them I had to go out on leave, that I couldn't do both. I was glad, because my mom passed away, not even a week later and I was glad I had that little extra time I had with her and was a bit angry that I had taken other's advice. Only YOU know what your breaking point is and what you're capable of - don't let anyone else make that decision for you like I did.

 

[Judge]

Being adept at many things, doesn't necessarily mean that you like what you do, in my case on the job, it's more a matter of necessity in some situations. I realized that I had two full time jobs, and could only do one.

Sounds like a good decision to give up such a job.

Reminds me of my father somewhat, who had to give up his job after his second heart attack. His one job as then reassigned to three people who all quit within a year's time. Sad that my father never realized just how taxing his job really was until it was far too late.

 

[Ginseng]

It is very easy to get to the place where you are in burnout. Having to do something on a schedule regardless of how we feel and be very tolling. Unfortunately I was never in a place where I could take off and recuperate. I think that is why I am close to a basket case now. If you can take off and recuperate, I would recommend you do so. My situation resulted in my getting disability. I would far rather work if I could but I cannot do so. I hate that but I have learned to accept myself and to just understand that I do the best I can. That is all we can do really.

 

[Ronin82]

For me, I realized normal work was not going to be part of my life when I found myself completely burned out at just the THOUGHT of interacting with people. I'd try to find full-time work, but once I got through with training and actually hit the floor, I'd only last a couple of days, a month at most. I'd find myself hiding from people at work, struggling to keep up, constantly wondering just WHAT I was supposed to be doing, and feeling like I was going to stroke out at any moment. If I ignored those signs, the next symptom would be "viral flares" or constant respiratory infections that never really cleared up. Between the mental shutdowns, and the physical pain if the job was physically demanding, I realized I cannot handle more than just part-time work unless the job is very specifically tailored for my unique needs. The sad part is, I've filed for disability 3 times, and the Feds keep saying I'm not disabled enough...I wish they could live my life for just a month and see how bad it really is for me!

Right now I have my dream job, working at a barn at a state-supported living center. I oversee the few residents working in the barn a few hours a day (the most taxing part of my job), but the rest of the time, I only interact with the horses, or sit alone in the office. It's peaceful, its not too demanding, and while the physical component does cause extreme pain, its not debilitating yet. This job is a full-time one, with benefits, so I get to see a doctor soon about the pain! I don't make enough money to actually live on, but I do make JUST enough to keep my own bills paid, and this job is relatively stress-free. I'll keep this one as long as I can, and am making arrangements to inform directors of some of my special considerations (I've lost lots of jobs over my autistic traits interacting with managers, making sure that doesn't happen this time).

I wish I could get paid a livable wage to just interact with animals only instead of people.

 

[Judge]

I'll keep this one as long as I can, and am making arrangements to inform directors of some of my special considerations (I've lost lots of jobs over my autistic traits interacting with managers, making sure that doesn't happen this time).

I wish I could get paid a livable wage to just interact with animals only instead of people.

Sounds like a plan.

It all reminds me of how much I always longed for such jobs which didn't require regular interactions with other human beings. Though I never really found such a job. I suppose becoming an investor was as close as I ever came to such a thing, being self-employed and working from my own home. Though it wasn't earned income as such, just making capital gains- and losses on occasion.

Yet for me, the risk involved in doing so was worth it. Leaving other people out of the equation altogether.

Could I still go back into the conventional work force and deal with others routinely? I don't think so.

For me that's a part of my life I left behind a long time ago.

 

[JDShredds]

Frankly, I knew as early as 12 years old. School was too much for me (horrible attendance from how disruptive I found it) and I knew the workforce was not for me (I also have an arrogance/rebellious streak, which doesn't help and only compounds it).

When I knew it was a problem for certain was when I got my first job at 23, panicked repeatedly the following day over all the changes my new schedule would impose, and went in to request changes or I would quit. They didn't bend, so I quit.

That was over 10 years ago, and I haven't held a job since. I got help for the panic, but that only helped fend off panic episodes and didn't address the root issue. Needless to say, it isn't easy and its contributed to the downfall of my marriage. Currently I do some e-commerce sales (something that makes sense to me and I can handle) but I've yet to get it to a point of really covering enough expenses to live on my own.

I've always felt like in a prior era I would have thrived, like pioneer era for example. I'm not lazy. At home I can be quite a hard worker, but on my own schedule and by my own set of rules without social demands. This modern society and me do not get along. I burnout before I even engage with it just by the mere thought of what "normal people" do on a daily basis. Yet the silver lining is: I bet you they'd burnout or get stir-crazy from what I do on a daily basis.

 

[Shamar]

For those of you who have been in this situation:
How did you know you had gotten to the point where you could no longer work (as much)?

I have ‘high functioning’ (I don’t really like the term) autism and work part time. I find that I think about work all the time. It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up. Sometimes I have nightmares about it. I’m tired a lot. I’ve given up other things I used to do in my time off: volunteering, hobby's, reading, the little bit of social life. Sometimes I can’t sleep and I’ve been losing weight. My husband says he’s worried. I can’t focus on other things anymore.

(My job is not very autism friendly. It’s loud and chaotic and there are many social interactions.)

I think that maybe I can’t handle (this type of) work at the moment and maybe I need to ask to work fewer hours.
But I struggle to admit that I cannot.do.this.

So I guess what I’m asking is..
How do you know you got to the point where it was better to work less or stop working? Or where you just couldn’t do it anymore?

I’m privileged enough to be in the situation where this is an actual possibility (at least for now).

I want to be able to hold down a job and support myself.
I can hold down a job and support myself.
I just don’t know if I’m sacrificing my mental health while I’m at it.
How do I know?
For some reason it feels like I’m not a valid human being if I can’t make this work.

I hope this made sense.
It's kind of all over the place.

(I want to make clear that I don't think people need to work to be of value. Not at all. (Not a fan of capitalism.) I just can’t seem to apply this to myself.)

Thanks for reading.

I stopped working when age discrimination combined with my autism to keep me from finding a job. I had lost a dream job earlier due to burnout on a REALLY stressful project, and not enough recovery time. Repeated relapses of malaria didn't help.

 

[Mia]

I only interact with the horses, or sit alone in the office. It's peaceful, its not too demanding, and while the physical component does cause extreme pain, its not debilitating yet.

One of my favourite all time jobs was teaching western riding and looking after the needs of all the horses. It was knowing and working with the horses, that was one of the most enjoyable jobs of my life. If I ever returned to another job, it would be something like that.

 

[Bronzelincolns]

will your husband not be able to provide for the family on just one income?

 

[Mr Allen]

I stopped working when age discrimination combined with my autism to keep me from finding a job. I had lost a dream job earlier due to burnout on a REALLY stressful project, and not enough recovery time. Repeated relapses of malaria didn't help.

Those are the 2 main reasons I can't get a job either, that and the fact 99% of my customer facing work is in Charity shops, which according to some people doesn't translate to real retail experience, falsehood! It's serving customers on a working till, what more do they want?

Also, age related discrimination is supposed to be illegal under the 2010 Equality Act, but as most people know I've been saying for years that the EA has no teeth.