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How did people react when you told them you had Aspergers

F

ftfipps

Well-Known Member
I am going to be more social this year. I am tired of living in a world of depression.

Whenever you go out into a social setting ie. a church or a get-together with people you want to become acquainted with: do you tell them right off the bat that you are an aspie?

or do you try and fit in as best you can. In the past, I have never told people because I didn't know myself that I was a high functioning autistic guy. People always thought I was just stupid.

What are your personal experiences with this?
 
If you want to be treated differently, tell people you're different. Disclosing is usually a bad idea. I never tell anyone, and follow the cardinal rule: any NT who knows autism well enough to know what to do with that information, I don't have to tell. They already know without having to be told.
 
At first I didn't tell anybody, apart from Googling it and posting on various forums on the issue.

But then someone else from a US based wrestling forum, Googled my website (I was running an Xbox fan site at the time) and found my details and posted them without my consent!

I was then accused of being "retarded" and they all said I "Live in a Bubble" and various other things so horrid I can't repeat them, hence my general disdain for Americans to this day.
 
I do not tell hardly anyone that I am on the spectrum. Almost always, they can not or will not understand. So for me, it is a need to know basis only.
 
I feel so blessed for these great responses. It's interesting because I saw a woman on here, I don't remember her name right now but she said that the first thing she tells people is that she has AS.
 
For me it depends. And when I do tell I try to do it really casually as though it's a rather normal, everyday thing, which it is. On Meetup I have it as my little bio/intro since it's part of why I am on Meetup, hoping that aspie groups form(and one finally is) and I could join. Won't bother mentioning it though most of the time because it doesn't seem relevant. It's not like they deserve some sort of explanation or apology sort thing from me as to why I am bothered by noise, lights, or don't look at them very much. Generally I focus on the particular autistic trait since technically I can no longer be an aspie according to the DSM-V and I suppose the label may change a few more times during my life if I live long enough. Anyhoo, I neither announce nor hide it. It can make a useful screen tool, however. Tell someone your diagnosis and see if they act like a flea face (new phrase just for this forum) or not and you can quickly gauge if you want to waste any more time on them.
 
I never remembered my diagnosis so im unsure how my parents reacted, but i told a friend and she wasn't surprised. Whatever i hate revealing my asbergers to people, i just wanted to be treated like anyone else.
 
Alright, so this might sound bizarre, but the reasons stated by Gritches and Sportster are the exact reasons why I tell people about it. Not that I want to be treated differently or get a free pass on anything, don't get me wrong, but it's a surefire way to sort out people and keep at bay those people who, later on, would have had a problem with the way I am. That way, I'm saving everybody some time, and I know where to stand with them.

That being said, I can probably "afford" that attitude because I'm not currently in a position where I have much to lose or gain, so it's very likely that I will finetune this later on when I'm working again; I wouldn't want to antagonize people before they even get to learn my name.
 
That is why I am a hermit. I can't take navigating all that anymore.

When I did not say anything, I was still marginalized. If I tried to fake normal it hurt me too much and I had to find ways to keep it up which I could not. If I told people , only the ones I did not want for friends suddenly attached.

In the end, the only solution is isolation.
AND? I am wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy happier. Just to day I was my own weird self at a place I go and I was not even worried about being weird because OH, it's an established fact that I am and now people can get on with it and I can , too.

So now, where I go, there is all ONE PERSON who ever smiles at me and ONE who gives me fist bump (THAT took a lot of courage for him because I am UNAPPROACHABLE now) I practically growl.

SO it's great! No one bothers me, they think I am weird and I don't care, we can all get on with life, no odd relationships and no one getting into my affairs-----

Wish I had done this A LONG time ago.
 
When I told my Mum, she dismissed it. When I told my best friend, she said a lot makes sense about my youth now. My aspie friend didn't say much other than he can now understand why sometimes I come across as rude when I'm not intending to, and understands my intensity. My partner didn't really have much to say, but he's lived with me for nearly 11 years so nothing is different for him.
 
I adapt as necessary. I found that telling people was often met with confusion and misunderstanding, reactions like "oh you don't look disabled" or just a blank look because they had never heard of aspergers.

Now I tell people if it comes up or if there is a reason. A few cases came up recently. I was analyzing some data over someones shoulder and spotted an error out of 10,000 lines of numbers, "there's the problem" I said. Then when they asked how I did it, I said that I have aspergers, which nowadays is classified as a form of autism. They shrugged and said "well I guess it might come in handy". That was quite refreshing. And before that I opted out of a social situation, a team outing, pub, food, club, horror after horror. They asked why I never join them, I said that I get overloaded from the aspergers, they just shrugged and didn't seem to care. But for some reason, people closer to me have more of a problem, my mother won't accept it and gets angry, my mother in law thinks I'm imagining it.

But now in my 40s I'm finally happy with myself, so that helps. I state it as fact now and don't feel like I need to apologize. Though saying that, my boss doesn't know yet... ! Probably never will. I have enough trouble at work without adding that to my check list :)
 
Bella Pines said:
I adapt as necessary. I found that telling people was often met with confusion and misunderstanding, reactions like "oh you don't look disabled" or just a blank look because they had never heard of aspergers.

Now I tell people if it comes up or if there is a reason. A few cases came up recently. I was analyzing some data over someones shoulder and spotted an error out of 10,000 lines of numbers, "there's the problem" I said. Then when they asked how I did it, I said that I have aspergers, which nowadays is classified as a form of autism. They shrugged and said "well I guess it might come in handy". That was quite refreshing. And before that I opted out of a social situation, a team outing, pub, food, club, horror after horror. They asked why I never join them, I said that I get overloaded from the aspergers, they just shrugged and didn't seem to care. But for some reason, people closer to me have more of a problem, my mother won't accept it and gets angry, my mother in law thinks I'm imagining it.

But now in my 40s I'm finally happy with myself, so that helps. I state it as fact now and don't feel like I need to apologize. Though saying that, my boss doesn't know yet... ! Probably never will. I have enough trouble at work without adding that to my check list :)
Click to expand...
Funny isn't it, that the people closest to you that should be the most understanding can sometimes be the least?
 
ftfipps said:
Whenever you go out into a social setting ie. a church or a get-together with people you want to become acquainted with: do you tell them right off the bat that you are an aspie?
Click to expand...
No, I don't tell people about it, because where I live, there is very little autism awareness and the only thing that people know about it is what they see in the media - Rainman or Sheldon Cooper - and I don't want to be prejudged. I don't socialise much these days and very rarely find myself in that knind of situation.
 
I like being a hermit but I get so bored. I have a "life of the party" personality when I'm around people. Everybody loved me in my old social circles. I want to meet women. Simple as that. I'm still pretty young, I just turned 30.
 
OkRad said:
So now, where I go, there is all ONE PERSON who ever smiles at me and ONE who gives me fist bump (THAT took a lot of courage for him because I am UNAPPROACHABLE now) I practically growl.
Click to expand...

A mirror could double your smile receiving quotient.

Imagine how many times that sentence has been written.
 
ksheehan88 said:
Funny isn't it, that the people closest to you that should be the most understanding can sometimes be the least?
Click to expand...

Their ideas of you are threatened

Katleya said:
but it's a surefire way to sort out people and keep at bay those people who, later on, would have had a problem with the way I am. That way, I'm saving everybody some time, and I know where to stand with them.
Click to expand...

I used to accomplish that with anger :)

Now its humor. If you can transfer the concept or idea using humor to someone easily, then you know you have a similar level.

But you are kind of describing to opposing but equally valid ideas.
 
Fridgemagnetman said:
One guy smiles at you.

If you smile at ypurself in the mkrror, thays two.

So double smiles
Click to expand...
haha! I don't look in the mirror very often! And when I do, no smile there!!
 
I really don’t tell anyone unless it’s on a need to know basis,not many people know I’m on the sprctrum and while people know my older brother is on the spectrum I don’t think they know I am,though when I told my husband that a psychologist said I have Aspergers he told me he already knew the moment he met me which was news to me but I asked him why he never brought up to me he told me he didn’t want to upset me.
 
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