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How can you tell if someone "likes" you?

Hylian

Fellow DbD Enjoyer
V.I.P Member
I don't really know how to tell if someone "likes" me without explicitly asking them if they do, yet I see other people easily figure out that someone "likes" them all the time.

How am I supposed to be able to figure out that someone "likes" me without asking them?
 
I don't really know how to tell if someone "likes" me without explicitly asking them if they do, yet I see other people easily figure out that someone "likes" them all the time.

How am I supposed to be able to figure out that someone "likes" me without asking them?
Their demeanor might change: body language, asking you to hang out more, giving compliments.

I have difficulty too, because I don't usually pick up on non-verbal clues. It's easier for me to tell if someone likes me if they come on strong, but those individuals tend to be manipulative and not trustworthy. So that is something to watch out for.

I find the need for directness helpful. It can be frustrating, living in a society where people aren't direct, but you can make it a strength. "Hey, maybe I'm imagining things, but I get the sense that you like me. Would you like to get coffee sometime? If I'm wrong, no big deal." I think any decent, non-Autistic person would find that a relief. It will be more helpful than beating yourself up for not being neurotypical.
 
To be honest... I have no clue. Dating, relationships, friendship, conflicts: I usually have to ask other people if I want to "read" a social situation.
Sometimes I 'm very sure that I know what's going on in a group, and a few days later some kind of conflict erupts that apparently everybody saw coming... Except for me.
So, yeah, I would try to ask a third party for an opinion. Someone you trust, if possible.
 
I have no reliable way of judging that and have made many mistakes over my lifetime.

I would have to say the people I’ve had as friends; its been better to have had the friends than the embarrassment and/or pain resulting from guessing wrong.

But that is after a lifetime of experience. At the time of the mistakes, the pain has been horrible. But I move past it in the end.
 
I'm utterly clueless about it, but at least to the point where I don't even go around wondering if people like me because that sounds exhausting. Nowadays if I ever had such a suspicion I might just ask.
 
I was clueless until I started learning about social communication, pursuing it like a special interest. Finally I met somebody who enjoyed talking with me (we were 300 miles apart) and when we met IRL, she was understanding and patient when I showed up on her doorstep from fossil collecting filthy and bedraggled. Then we went on a road trip and it was evident that we enjoyed each other's company. It was an intense experience and on the last day we would have together, we delighted in each other's company touring Cades Cove in Great Smokey Mountains National Park. We had such a nice time in each other's company that I desired to be intimate with her. Yet, I was completely inexperienced and had never understood if a woman desired me in that way. I worked through that, not without anxiety, but she was kind and patient, and here we are 44 years later comfy and riding out this storm together.
 
I've just been confused because my friend has become increasingly "touchy-feely" with me and it seems like their behaviour is way beyond platonic at this point, but I'm also aware that I'm bad at properly picking up on body language and what people mean by the things they do/say to me. I would just ask them if they "like" me, but I don't want to make them uncomfortable if they don't, or put pressure on them to admit it to me or anything like that if they do. I guess I'll ask people I know what they think about it before I decide to ask my friend.
 
I've been known to take flirting as some kind of weird condescending behavior, so I can agree that it's very confusing to a lot of us.
 
If they have employed touch, then YES, she likes you. Even moreso if they are grooming, like playing with their hair. Have you been on any "special" date yet? Ask her out forthwith. When she is touching you, lean in and look into her eyes take her hand. If she likes you, you will know and if she leans in too, she is hoping for a kiss. You did not say if you have been friends first. It sounds to me that she is confident enough in that friendship to make herself vulnerable.

Enjoy this emotional give and take with her, especially if you like her too. Being friends first with the woman I liked, and was vulnerable to, made her acceptance of me so very special. I hope you will get to that point.
 
About touch. NTs trying to make a connection employ that. I process things slowly and I wish I was faster on the uptake. Last year I was helping a friend throw an outdoor get together and was the grillmaster. Once done I went up on the deck to get some food. I was sidling past a group of women when one reached out to caress my arm. Only later did I recognize it. I wish I had taken up her offer of a friendly connection and not doing so, I felt a bit sad.
 
Me and my friend have hung out outside of work together, but that's normal for friends... lol They also touch me/my hands a lot, hug me despite making a point to mention that they "like their personal space", and say "I love you," to me (which they've said they say to their other friends, but I don't really know if they legit do that), etc. I should also mention that they are also autistic, so I don't really expect them to behave like an NT person or to have the same sense of boundaries between "friends" that NTs do, so that makes it more confusing.
 
She is exhibiting the signs that she wants to get to know you better. Think of a nice date and please ask her out. It can be as simple as a day at a museum or other diversion that gives you time to learn about each other. That is when you will ask for clarification. I do not know what is common with other Autistics, but my signs of affection were reserved for people I have relationships with and "I love you" was reserved for the person I have an intimate connection with or had strong feelings towards.

Being autistic does not diminish yearnings for a relationship and intimacy. I was pretty shy and my spouse was too and I have learned that shy people while not aggressive in approaching others value meeting those who are more quirky, refined and sensitive than most all NTs. Can this be the case here? If so, you are experiencing something quite rare. No woman has ever approached me in the way you are experiencing. I have heard from too many women when they felt used by men, especially after sex when all they were hoping for was a relationship. So when you date her, be a gentleman and follow up if only to call her to say how enjoyable it was with her. Her seeing that you care for her feelings is pretty powerful.

But please think; do you like her, do you want to be in a relationship with her, do your values harmonize? Please do not lead her on if you answer NO to any of those.
 
Think of a nice date and please ask her out. It can be as simple as a day at a museum or other diversion that gives you time to learn about each other.
I will second a museum as a fantastic date idea. I've done this many times, and it's great for giving you many things to talk about while being fairly low-pressure. And there are often some good restaurants near museums, too.
 
I like them, but I don't really want to take them out on a "date". We already talk a lot and hang out outside of work, and are pretty close friends, so I don't necessarily need to "get to know them". I think if I do anything I'll just keep hanging out with them, and maybe bring up the topic when there's a "good" time to. I should also clarify that my friend is biologically male and is nonbinary (which is why I'm using "they" pronouns for them), definitely not a woman. lol
 
I think one of the problems here is simply language. I am reading all these posts, but I can’t actually figure out what like means in quotes.

What does “like” mean?

Why so many quotes? It makes things so confusing… As a girl, I have no idea what you guys are talking about.

I hope that doesn’t sound rude, I’m just trying to offer the perspective of how confusing this can all be.
 
What does “date” mean?

What about “get to know them?”

Are these quotes suggesting innuendos of some kind?

Even romantic attraction means different things to different people. It is never safe to assume. In my experience, directness is the only way to avoid lasting hurt.
 
What does “date” mean?

What about “get to know them?”

Are these quotes suggesting innuendos of some kind?

Even romantic attraction means different things to different people. It is never safe to assume. In my experience, directness is the only way to avoid lasting hurt.
They're not really innuendos, I just feel really weird about going on anything considered a "date" with them right now so I put it in quotes. "Get to know them" was also in quotes because I already know them and I don't need to go through any type of specific activity that people were suggesting to do that. "Good" was also in quotes because I don't really think there's going to be a legitimately "good" or proper time to bring this up to my friend.

And yeah, I don't want to assume so that's why I'm going to attempt to ask them about it. I still wanted to try to be as sure as I can before I ask them though, because that's a major risk to ask a friend something like that...
 
They're not really innuendos, I just feel really weird about going on anything considered a "date" with them right now so I put it in quotes. "Get to know them" was also in quotes because I already know them and I don't need to go through any type of specific activity that people were suggesting to do that. "Good" was also in quotes because I don't really think there's going to be a legitimately "good" or proper time to bring this up to my friend.

And yeah, I don't want to assume so that's why I'm going to attempt to ask them about it. I still wanted to try to be as sure as I can before I ask them though, because that's a major risk to ask a friend something like that...
I understand better now. It is terribly confusing trying to connect with others.

I do think you got some great advice here. And I hope my questions didn’t provoke any ill feelings. It just resonates with me that this is tricky territory. I have trouble finding words with regular old friends, so when attraction is in the mix, I’m useless.

Sometimes it’s just time to take a chance and see what happens. I definitely wish you good luck and confidence.
 

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