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How can I stop obsessing about my singlehood?

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Markness, Jan 3, 2021.

  1. Suzette

    Suzette Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'll tell you "the secret". You won't believe me.

    The secret is just stop thinking about it.

    You are like a little kid trying to find where santa hid the presents. You want to see what you will get right now! And your mother keeps telling you that if you don't stop looking, there will be no Christmas, but you keep looking any way.

    Really, you must stop thinking about what you don't have and trying to figure it out.

    You need to think:

    "I know I will meet my match. She is out there and wants to meet me too. It will happen. It really will. It hasn't happened yet but that's ok. It will happen. It will happen just as surely as the sun will rise tomorrow. I am so confident I don't even worry."

    As Yoda says "Do. Or do not. There is no try."
     
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  2. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    This server was an extreme left wing autism group. When it comes to extremes, there is no “We can agree to disagree.”; only “You better agree with me!” is permitted with extreme groups. They accused me of being a misogynist, that I made them “uncomfortable”, and that I needed to apologize. Calling me a misogynist is a sickening mischaracterization, it’s their own fault for being “uncomfortable”, and a forced apology is not genuine.
     
  3. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Had a similar experience with a member of veganism on social media apparently you can't be an individual
     
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  4. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I definitely feel that way. It’s honestly made me want to withdraw from socialization.
     
  5. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    What about these humps? :D
     
  6. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I really feel socially burned out. I tried all through the year to put myself out there.
     
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  7. Kalinychta

    Kalinychta Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    The only way to stop obsessing about something is to replace that something with other thoughts.
     
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  8. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    Even when I was a child, I often wished there was a procedure remove certain thoughts from my brain.
     
  9. mw2530

    mw2530 Well-Known Member

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    It is really tough, I have been in your shoes often as well. Tough to shake those thoughts. I actually had a really long stretch where I barely even thought about being single. During this time, I was focused on different hobbies along with work so my mind has been on other things. My obsessive brain was still there but it was obsessing about other things. Life was still not always easy, but I was able to function much more effectively during this time. So I think the best way to shake those thoughts are to focus on other areas of your life such as others here have suggested. Often is easier said than done though.

    This weekend though, the single thoughts came back strong for various reasons. I find that the whole dating apps usually make things worse for me. I never seem to have any success and for the most part I am uninterested in most of the women on there. I almost never receive any messages back from those I message. The women that do like me, I am almost never interested in them. Maybe I have high standards, but I think it is more that the options on dating apps are poor. Maybe that is harsh, but that's been my experience. It does give me this fear that my odds are so long that it will never happen since there seems to be less and less options as I get older. My only hope is dating apps are not a sample of prospects that are reflective of the potential dating pool.
     
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  10. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I swore off dating sites, apps, and even Facebook dating groups. All three just made me stressed out and sometimes even suicidal.

    If I don’t have a girlfriend before the year ends, what should I do for the coming year to make love actually happen for me? How can I break the vicious cycles?
     
  11. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    To me, it looks like a first step toward being happy enough in your life
    would be to drop the expectation that "finding love"/"a girlfriend" is a
    task that can be achieved on a schedule.
     
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  12. Tony Ramirez

    Tony Ramirez Agnostic Christian with Asperger's Syndrome

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    That is why I am afraid to try dating apps.

    I also understand what you are going through. It seems like no matter how hard you try different things and it doesn't work out.
     
  13. Markness

    Markness Young God

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    I always fear that there’s a cut off age to getting into a relationship and I remember someone telling me “Don’t wait too long!” in regards to finding love. Other than that, though, I am not sure why I developed that fear. I suppose it’s also because around the time I became depressed, other guys but not me were getting girlfriends and it confused me.
     
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  14. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Maybe try finding activities that will you know will give you confidence. Sometimes, people can just feel confidence and this will distract you positively and maybe a few people will start eyeing you initially instead.
     
  15. BobMarmaduke

    BobMarmaduke New Member

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    It stands to reason that if our social difficulties stem from anxiety and overthinking in unnatural ways, a good way to overthink it would be to take a tantric approach to relationships. Basically, trying not to be concerned with the end result and enjoying the process. I use it in some circumstances. I guess it helps to have an interest in philosophy.
     
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