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How can I stop 7yr old from taking tantrums?

Tyler

Member
My 7yr old daughter is really bad for taking tantrums just now, she cries very loudly and stomps her feet on ground.

Or, if she is playing xbox and she is losing, she screams very loudly "I never win, its just not fair!!", starts crying and then throws controller on floor in a rage.

Other random things that set her off on a tantrum are; not getting snacks in between dinner, having to go to bed early, getting grounded or for any reason, not being allowed to go to a friends house. She takes one at School which is when teacher is tying up zip of her school jacket.

So, how can I stop her from taking these tantrums?
 
Its not about stopping her, its about understanding her reasons for melting down like that and teaching her to deal with her feelings in a more effective, appropriate manner. One specific idea is this - if she's getting angry with her video games, stop her when you notice her starting to get frustrated. If she's throwing a tantrum already, its already gone too far. This is something i had to learn even into my teen years with video games - as aspies we tend to obsess over something even if we notice its aggitating us because we just can't let it go. Intervene when you notice her getting angry before she gets mad enough to throw a tantrum. Suggest a break from it, teach her to take a breather, take a break, when she starts getting frustrated with it.
 
Along with Kari's excellent & first hand tips above, keep in mind too that even with autistic kids, teens & adults there is a difference between a true sensory melt down, which is uncontrollable & ideally prevented or minimized if it occurs; & a temper tantrum which kids do use to manipulate & get their way, especially of they learn that it works for them. (Some adults also indulge in adult temper tantrums, not good. :) )

Here's an excellent resource regarding raising autie & aspie kids. I recommend you check it out & read the linked article.

My Aspergers Child: The Damage Done: Over-Indulging the Aspergers Child


Also, get a copy of the Parenting book "1,2, 3 Magic". It's geared towards kids in general but is seriously one of the simplest & best parenting guides available.
 
All those sound like legit tantrums (on the surface, anyway) except the last one. Have you thought about teaching her to zip up her own jacket, or using one with velcro? If she has autism, not everyone will be welcome into her space, and she should get to decide who can touch her, especially given that it causes her this much distress.
 
You can't ! However you could try to teach the child to cope better with the inequalities of life. First thing to admit is "Yes, Life isn't fair. We don't always get what we want".
 
We have this difficulty with my seven-year-old son, who is not autistic but does have some of my Aspie traits, especially when it comes to frustration. When he throws a tantrum, we walk out of the room momentarily. He usually stops when he realizes we aren't standing there, because a tantrum is about getting attention (vs. a meltdown which is a stress release). Once he stops we come back into the room and ask if he would like to try communicating in a different way. In any case, he doesn't get what he wants without communicating in an acceptable manner. Sometimes he still doesn't get what he wants, but he always gets an explanation. And sometimes it is the promise of delayed gratification: "You can't stay up late tonight because it is a school night and you need your rest, but if you are good about going to bed on time on school nights, you can stay up later on Friday to watch a movie."
 
My 7 yo is in this phase right now, too. He was crying and screaming at the xbox yesterday because one of the menu options wasn't working the way he wanted it to. In the moment of his distress, I explained he wasn't in trouble but that he needed to turn off the xbox, go calm down in his room, then play something else for a while. Screaming at the tv won't fix the problem...it's just a game...it's not worth getting so upset over it.

At first, he didn't want to hear my instructions, but I stayed with him until he followed through. At times with my kids, it's been necessary for me to step in and turn it off for them to make sure they follow through with my instructions, but this time he did it on his own. He went to his room, I heard him rumbling around in there for a while, then he went and played with other toys for a while. Later that afternoon, he asked if he could have the xbox back. That was the teachable moment--I explained I hadn't grounded him from it, that he wasn't in trouble. I told him that one of the things he needs to learn is how to handle his own frustration. And when he's not handling his frustrations himself, that's when I have to step in and make sure it doesn't get so out of hand. But if he can monitor his own emotions, then I won't have to do it for him. If he knows when it's time to walk away from the xbox for a few minutes so he doesn't get so upset, then I don't have to come in and make him turn it off.

So I told him it was his decision on whether to try it again that day--that I trusted him to make a good decision and to handle his own emotions. As long as he doesn't let it get the best of him, he can make his own choices. Once I hear him losing control of himself, I'm there to make sure he walks away until he's back in control of himself.

His actions have consequences. Not controlling himself means that someone else has to intervene. But if he controls his own manifestation of his emotions, then he has more freedom of choice.

At the same time, his emotions aren't bad or "evil". It's legitimate to feel frustrated or sad or angry sometimes. But the emotions are there as a cue for what is needed (change of activity, exercise in patience, comfort from someone, whatever), not as an all-powerful force that must control your behavior and experience of life.

Emotions are like indicators on a dashboard, not the steering wheel that directs the car. Use emotions as helpful input and feedback, but the decision-making still happens at a whole different level.
 
MABY YOU NEED TO CHANGE HER DIET THARE IS A BOOK CALLED TRACKING DOWN HIDDEN FOOD ALLERGY I HOPE IT HELPS I WISH YOU AND YOU WONDERFULL CHILD A VERRY VERRY VERRY HAPPY DAY
 

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