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How can I hold myself together for the babies?

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Ruby, Jun 12, 2018.

  1. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

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    I have been obsessed with babies for a few months. I long to hold and care for the babies, so I thought working with them would ease these infuriating urges, but I don't feel any differently about babies, unfortunately. I get emotional and sometimes teary thinking about babies or seeing something child-related, but when I'm actually caring for them, these feelings hit me so hard, very quickly and I can't help but become teary all of a sudden. I am trying not to cry, but I can't help it.

    If I can identify the causes of my emotional outbursts, here are my best guesses:
    . I find babies so beautiful and precious in general
    . I feel particularly emotional when spending one on one time with the baby
    . The babies settle/show affection a lot easier and quicker than I expect; I want to give the baby a lot more care & to show my worth before seeing the results
    . Implementing/thinking of educational experiences (eg. songs) also triggers strong emotion, probably because I feel that those experiences are great for the development/enjoyment of children

    I am a 20-year-old female with mild autism with a history of depression and anxiety. I did a placement with babies when I was 17, without emotional outbursts (before I was into babies), but I don't know why it's different now. I wish I could just cope like I did back then. I'm fine emotionally with ages 1+ btw, but I love babies.
     
  2. Smiley

    Smiley Well-Known Member

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    It's the biological urge to be a mother. Whatever you do, unless you are ready to be a parent, don't have sex!
     
  3. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It might be a phase. Something you can just muddle thru until it settles out on its own. In the meantime try and break your train of thought when you feel yourself going down the over-emotional track. You can try different things, such as singing a song (not a emotional one! :D) while walking and rocking them. Find something that works for you.
     
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  4. Bella Pines

    Bella Pines Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It could well be hormonal, I would assume your menstrual cycle has settled down and is regular, however your body will be maturing from teenage years into womanhood ready for the next few decades of fertility.

    It might be an idea to consult a family planning specialist for advice, not to plan a family but to learn!! And whilst you tackle this it might be healthier for you to maybe not be around babies. I know that you have urges, and I know that auties can be passionate and obsessive, but these "babies" that you describe are other people's children. They are not the subject of a special interest, they should not be considered an obsession, they are human beings. So it might be healthier all round if you pursued an alternative direction in the field of nursing until things calm down a bit. :)
     
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  5. Mary Anne

    Mary Anne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I agree with everything Bella Pines says. Honestly, your obsession with other people’s babies kinda freaks me out. It sounds a bit irrational, even if your biological clock is working overtime. Please take some time off away from the babies and figure things out for yourself.
     
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  6. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    There is still such a thing as birth control.
     
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  7. Smiley

    Smiley Well-Known Member

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    And it usually works, but the only 100% effective prevention is abstinence.
     
  8. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member

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    Babies have evolved that way for an excellent reason. (Survival)
    I’ve seen some pretty tough men turn to mush when handed their son or daughter for the first time.
    But those are parents, not child care providers.

    Maybe you could back off a little? What you’re describing sounds really intense for a child care provider.

    Could you request to work with the one year and over? Just until you can get a handle on the intensity you’re describing?

    It can’t be pleasant for you being in tears for some of your working day?
     
  9. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for all your replies! I'm going to see if I can get through the day without crying, but otherwise it might be a better idea for me to work with the older age groups, as I don't get overly emotional with them and I can act pretty normal, for the most part. I figure that I really quite enjoy the 2-3s & 3-4s, and those age groups aren't really emotionally intensive for me, so I guess that works! Anyway, I'd like to be able to say in an interview that I can work with all age groups, as hardly any job is open to having someone who won't. I guess I can, but not without being teary, for the time being. I don't know when this will wash over, if ever.
     
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  10. MrSpock

    MrSpock Live long and prosper

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    I think that there's something wrong if you don't become slightly mushy when holding a baby. I wouldn't want such a person (totally mush-immune) to look after my kids.

    I wouldn't advise you what to say to potential employees, but I think that if I wanted someone to look after a slightly older child someone like you would be just the right amount of mushy. No way in hell you'd hurt them, but still able to operate.
     
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  11. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    This particular circuitry seems to be missing entirely from my brain - I don't feel this way about babies at all, don't have a mothering/nurturing instinct and don't even find them particularly cute. I wouldn't know how to look after one. They are demanding/needy and noisy, I never had children of my own and don't think that I could cope with them.
     
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  12. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member

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    After raising and feeling quite sure my own would be able to handle what they’d need to. Independent.

    I entered a phase where I had no interest in babies and small children,

    I’ve never been weak at the knees and daft over other peoples’ children, more fascinated with how they learn.

    But I did notice I was disinterested in babies and toddlers, other children in general.

    Until being at the mercy of some menopausal hormones.

    I want to nurture the universe !
    (I’m exaggerating)
    I’m mushier now than perhaps I was after the birth of my own.

    I also know this longing and ‘mother-earth’ phase will pass and I’ll probably be back to indifferent again. :)
     
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  13. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I've never had this 'mother'earth' phase at any point in my life. If I have pets, I will look after them and make sure that they have food, water, a trip to the vet when they need it, stroke/groom them and play with them sometimes, but I don't go all mushy over them and I suppose it would be the same for my children, if I had them.
     
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  14. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    Grandma Gracey will happen.
     
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  15. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member

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    I may be indifferent (or dead) by the time my daughters start breeding :)
     
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