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Hi!

Anya^

Anya^

New Member
Hi!
I will start by apologizing in advance for my bad English and terrible socializing skills .
I have Asperger syndrome. I didn't know until this year.
All my life i felt unable to fit in, unable to understand why I was so diffrent from the people around me. I was bullied often during high school, i just wanted to die and hated myself for not having the courage to do it.
I have a very low opinion about myself and in every single conversation i feel the need to apologize about my actions/behavior.....as you've noticed already .
I tend to talk way too much (not face to face but in written conversations), and i get to annoy most of the people I talk to.
I get really anxious in social situations. Most of my closest friends are trying to change me and force me into situations that i am not comfortable with, saying that i will get used to it and i a just exagerate things.
.....I think this are my main issues.
I joined this forum because i just felt the need to act as myself without being judged/criticized/pitied.
 
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Warm welkome Anya dear. recognize SO MANY of youre problems and you remind me of my entry thread in another Forum MANY years ago . And i tell you the same i got told back then you have NOTHING to feel ashamed of or feel you talk to mush or anything, in here were all welcoming and judge NOONE ( HUG )
 
I know just how ya feel! Welcome, dawg! :)
(And I found kinda funny apologizing for lack of social skills on Autismforums;):p:D)
 
Anya, I am also new here. Struggling a bit with mechanics of posting, I wanted to quote your sentence about being yourself.

I think we all deserve to feel we are allowed, and in fact entitled to be ourselves without being pitied/criticized/judged.

We all deserve to feel we belong [in the wider society] without the need for apologising. It is our planet too.

I think we should stop apologizing for being ourselves. Yes we are imperfect, but it is time to push back on the idea that we need to apologize for having a disability.
 
Hello and warm welkome to the forum to you as well of course Rosa Violet

When you want to quote just click the reply button and said quote comes up in the reply box.
 
Hello, Anya! I can relate to so much of what you describe. My habit of always apologizing for myself has improved. I try to replace it with things like “thank you for your patience”, “thank you for discussing this with me”, “thank you for being so understanding”. This has a few helpful affects:

1. It reminds me to be grateful to the people who show me kindness, and it helps me recognize when they actually aren’t.
2. It trains me to only apologize when it’s really warranted. This means that when I actually need to apologize for something, the apology means more to me and the other person.
3. It reminds me that I am worthy of the kindness and respectful attention people give me, just as they are worthy of my kindness and respectful attention.

I’m so sorry to hear that your friends disregard your concerns. I think that’s a really common reaction and it’s usually coming from a loving mindset so people don’t realize how damaging it can be. It can be really hard to be assertive with friends, especially when they think they’re helping you. Sometimes you have your limits for a reason. There are times when I know I’m letting my anxiety run my life and my social calendar, but just as many times when I know that I’m just not interested in certain situations, or that if I take on any more socialization I will be absolutely exhausted.

I’m glad you’re here. I look forward to getting to know you! I promise that if I ever need to stop talking to you (not because you are annoying, but because I need to have a rest or get onto something else), I will tell you. I will not wait to be annoyed. This is an accomodation that I wish more people did for each other - being clear about their needs, instead of assuming the other person know how to gauge when they are done conversing with each other.
 
Hi Anya, and welcome. Your friends are pushing you because they don't understand what it's like to be on the spectrum. Just like it's hard for us to understand how someone can be comfortable doing things, they don't understand how it can be uncomfortable. Their brains work differently and they are correct that if a neurotypical person does something over and over, it does get easier for them (mostly). But it is different for us - it does not get easier. There are things I had to do every day for years and it was just as bad after the 1000th time as it was the first. Even many therapists seem to have a hard time understanding that one. What works for most people, probably does not work for us.
I love this forum and MOST everyone on it because it is a place we can be ourselves and not worry about being judged or pushed into doing things. Glad you're here.
 
Hi Anya welcome to the forum. There are a lot of nice people here I do the over apologizing as well but only with women usually, one thing that boosted my confidence was martial arts. Also please don't let anyone pressure you into anything your not comfortable with unless you want to make that reach out of your comfort zone. Also my name is Jimmy and I am on here a good bit. Anytime you need to talk you can go to the chat or drop someone a pm. If you need anything just let someone know.
 
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