Hi there

[Fleur]

Hi everyone
I’m new to the forum and just thought I would introduce myself.
I am in my 60s and have been married to my undiagnosed but definitely autistic husband for 40 plus years.
Neither of us realised that he was autistic at first but once we did it explained a lot of things.

Older age and illnesses plus the stress of living around his ageing and deteriorating families has made life pretty challenging!

We live togetter in peaceful parallel much of the time, but still face many challenges.

I used to beling to a forum called Different Together and it was a life saver, but it closed down.

Thanks for reading

 

[Rodafina]

Hello and welcome, @Fleur.

but once we did it explained a lot of things

You will hear that sentiment echoed frequently around here. Realization was freedom from the worst challenges for me. Life is much more balanced now.

I hope you have a good experience here.

 

[tree]

 

[Fredan]

Hello, welcome.

 

[Jumpinbare]

My wife figured me out as well. I didn't know enough about autism to ever suspect I was. I just knew I was weird.
She knew I was weird when we met, but she connected the dots much later.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Welcome @ Fleur,

My wife (neurotypical) and I have been together for 40 years. I was diagnosed about 6 years ago. It's still a learning curve... for the both of us. One thing I have realized... because our minds think in very different ways... pros and cons... we will never "know" each other. Nearly every day I am reminded of it, especially when she says things like, "I thought you would have... ". Then I look at her like she's got 3 heads and say, "Why would that be a thought in my head?" It is funny how sometimes autistics are often accused of a lack of cognitive empathy... like it's a one-way street, but the reality is that neurotypicals totally lack cognitive empathy with autistics, as well. Neither one of us have any idea what is going on in each other's heads. We are a complete mystery to each other... and this is where clear communication comes into play. One would think that the two of us would be arguing all the time... but the reality is that we almost never argue... like I can count the times this has happened in the past 40 years... maybe 5 or 6 times. I KNOW I don't know what she is thinking... and need clear instructions. However, I am thinking, she forgets that she doesn't know what I am thinking and will jump to false conclusions or assumptions. I think she struggles with my autism in ways I do not.

On the other hand, we complement each other very well. Our approaches to problem solving are very different... and we use it to benefit each other. The key here is that neither one of us are egotistical and need to be correct, so we just proceed forward with the best possible plan.