Hi. Im Nemesis.

[Nemesis_2k7]

I am usually a withdrawn and depressed person who is terrified of the outside world. And i usually rely on alcohol to fill that void, and assist me in the confidence to do things. I have realized these last 12 months, no more alcohol. I was also using marijuana as an escape tool, and i already am sober off that now, for gee, a few months. I am not really counting. I am an estranged dad. from my 2 daughters. Partly due to my meltdowns, and abuse, and inner anger and no self confidence, and partly to my drug / alcohol / nicotine use (abuse). Now that those things are out of my life, i see things clearer. And i am willing to place the blame on myself for the things i have done. And the damage i have caused. Now, i have made contact with my ex girlfriend, and the next step is, talking with my 2 daughters. I hope they will be OK talking with me. I have been out of their lives for almost a year now. Time for a change. Sure, I might be scared stiff of people, and scared stiff of the outside world. But i will manage. And i will do it drug and alcohol free.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

All things are possible, but I have no idea how to go about reestablishing a dialogue with children, or things like that. You and I have some similar issues, but all the folks i pushed away, basically stayed gone, in fact several of the people I used to know moved far away.

Therapeutics for the anger is essential to staying out of prison, which is the greatest danger, for both of us now. Middle aged men with no prior criminal history, but truck loads of resentment, sometimes just snap, and splatter a big mess into thier own lives.

Self care and books and well meaning friends are kinda like glue being used to hold you together. You may well need more, just to stay alive and sober and free. Many people need support, especially isolated ones. "There is a thin line between the fearful hermit, and the bitter misanthrope".

No clues on what may work for you, we all have to walk our own roads and all that. Counseling was a gift from the gods for me, and many others I know. So too, any sort if support you may qualify for, like food benefits or healthcare services are a great thing to do. A starving man is more prone to injury, illness and malaise, than one who is well fed, and cared for medically.

Find a way to exercise, I like a bicycle alot, stone working is fun too. Cutting firewood with a hand saw. Digging holes and ditches. All great good things to do with your life. It seems to help.

Hobbies that you get off on and you can either keep well hidden or else gain acceptance for. I do all kinds of wierd stuff for that. Crafting and sewing mostly. I like carving too, it's fun and a good workout.

Anyways, welcome to the forums, I wish you all the best!

 

[Nemesis_2k7]

All things are possible, but I have no idea how to go about reestablishing a dialogue with children, or things like that. You and I have some similar issues, but all the folks i pushed away, basically stayed gone, in fact several of the people I used to know moved far away.

Therapeutics for the anger is essential to staying out of prison, which is the greatest danger, for both of us now. Middle aged men with no prior criminal history, but truck loads of resentment, sometimes just snap, and splatter a big mess into thier own lives.

Self care and books and well meaning friends are kinda like glue being used to hold you together. You may well need more, just to stay alive and sober and free. Many people need support, especially isolated ones. "There is a thin line between the fearful hermit, and the bitter misanthrope".

No clues on what may work for you, we all have to walk our own roads and all that. Counseling was a gift from the gods for me, and many others I know. So too, any sort if support you may qualify for, like food benefits or healthcare services are a great thing to do. A starving man is more prone to injury, illness and malaise, than one who is well fed, and cared for medically.

Find a way to exercise, I like a bicycle alot, stone working is fun too. Cutting firewood with a hand saw. Digging holes and ditches. All great good things to do with your life. It seems to help.

Hobbies that you get off on and you can either keep well hidden or else gain acceptance for. I do all kinds of wierd stuff for that. Crafting and sewing mostly. I like carving too, it's fun and a good workout.

Anyways, welcome to the forums, I wish you all the best!

Thank you. allot of what you have said, makes sense. And i would be the "resentful" man. Anger has cost me everything. Including prison time, back in my younger years. Amazing how i did not seem to learn.. But i have come to a crossroads now in my life, where i do not want to be angry. i do not want to be bitter. i do not want to take things personally, and dwell on the past. I need / want to be able to let go. I have considered therapy, and have been a few times, but i would like to go again. I just have no idea how to go about doing it. The only thing that comes to mind, is calling my local hospital, and handing myself in for a "review" to their mental health department. The other issue with that is, i am terrible at explaining myself. Unless it is in a format, like this, where its in a forum, or a letter. Then i can say exactly what is on my mind, and make sense saying it. It is hard to find a decent therapist which will accept this format also. What do i do?

 

[Skittlebisquit]

Well that depends on where you are. I'm in the western usa, so it's pretty easy for me to access services, healthcare, mental health support and help getting help is readily available here.

The county mental health office is a good place to start. They have a case worker who keeps office hours there a few times a week to help folks get signed up for things.

I'm glad you are open minded about counseling of some kind, it's been a great help to me. Most of the successful men that I have known have been to counseling or therapy of some kind, at difficult times in thier lives. There basically isn't any stigma attached to mental health care anymore, except by abusive people, who want to oppress you.

So let's review a bit. An ally seeks your highest good, wishes you to be well and strong and happy. This is love. A friend loves you.

An Adversary works against your greater good, so they can continue to oppress you, just because they like to hurt people, and make people smaller, so they can climb over thier victims on the way to the top. This is malice, your adversaries seek your doom.

The issue is important because it's easy to confuse the two sometimes, and believe that a certain person is the opposite of what they really are. Or they could be a seemingly sincere person, who is drowning in a huge vat of unspeakable filth and expect you to jump in to save them. That's not an ally,

The impartial and objective view is what's needed for a man stuck in a maze of transparent walls. Therapy is a powerful tool.

So I would likely start with toll free crisis line, I used to work at one and mostly we gave out information to people who called in. There was a wall with like 4 sheets of plywood in area, covered with phone numbers of organizations. That's likely a great place to start. Crisis line, suicide, prevention line, one of those places, they will gave the info relevant to your local area. It's totally ok to call them, that's what they are for, they wont mind, i promise.

There are some links to those in a post on this board, I will try and post you a link here.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

So this is a link to a thread on this forum here, it's got alot of numbers, just pick one that sounds likely to be near where you are, and call them up, and go from there. They will be happy to help you I'm sure.

https://www.autismforums.com/thread...evention-resources-call-for-submissions.9143/

So I used to be unable to speak, at times it still affects me. I would write scripts. I may be just a teensy bit eccentric, so I always have big paper and art supplies and stuff.

Here's one I said that seemed to work:

I have trouble speaking aloud sometimes, thank you for being patient with me.

Something like that anyways, thats in your own style, that's written down. Or you may be able to set the font on a pc to be like 18pts or something big like that and type out what you mean to say, then just read it out loud, that works too for some nonverbal folks. I always liked paper better, or sharpie on a glass board, I use both of those alot

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome, sounds like you are at a turning point and this is a good place to be understood and to get support. It's great that you are here!

It's good that you see how your anger and distress has affected others. I would say, take it slow and carefully to start repairing this. Bear in mind that you are fragile and need support and help to be who you want to be. You will get there if you want to, that's for sure, but we all need help at such times. Work on yourself and get help to feel better, is one of the best things you can do for your family. Then you are not at risk of feeling as stressed as you previously did.

Great advice from @Skittlebisquit, a good therapist ought to be able to work in whatever way feels doable for you. Great idea to write stuff down and to explain to them what's difficult for you right from the start. You are the person who should be in charge of your therapy, not them, because it's about you and what you want to talk about or change. They are the helper with that. Therapists who are successful at helping, know that.

 

[Alexej]

I am usually a withdrawn and depressed person who is terrified of the outside world. And i usually rely on alcohol to fill that void, and assist me in the confidence to do things. I have realized these last 12 months, no more alcohol. I was also using marijuana as an escape tool, and i already am sober off that now, for gee, a few months. I am not really counting. I am an estranged dad. from my 2 daughters. Partly due to my meltdowns, and abuse, and inner anger and no self confidence, and partly to my drug / alcohol / nicotine use (abuse). Now that those things are out of my life, i see things clearer. And i am willing to place the blame on myself for the things i have done. And the damage i have caused. Now, i have made contact with my ex girlfriend, and the next step is, talking with my 2 daughters. I hope they will be OK talking with me. I have been out of their lives for almost a year now. Time for a change. Sure, I might be scared stiff of people, and scared stiff of the outside world. But i will manage. And i will do it drug and alcohol free.

Hi and Welcome to the Forums @Nemesis_2k7