Hi- I'm a newbie to the forum, looking for help

[JulianDG]

Hey there, it's Julian.

I'm probably not as shy as some but I do feel as though I need some help. I am 26 years young and have been diagnosed in the early 90's as being ADHD/OCD. To my understanding, and someone please correct me if I am wrong on this, but I believe this was the timeframe in which individuals were being misdiagnosed as having the two mentioned. I struggle day to day with work. I want to go to school and get a better career but there's fear of not passing the class because I can't comprehend the subject matter; in addition, the teacher (professor) may put me with people I may not like or may not want to know. If I feel interested in a particular subject, and in my case Funeral Science, Anesthesiology or becoming a Locksmith, that I feel I cannot achieve...It will keep bouncing back and forth til I want to scream and pull my hair out. Other than those instances (just to name a few), I'm normally very talkative. I don't meet a stranger. My wife thinks that is extremely awkward of me to talk to every person I've ever met, though she doesn't know them. Communication is one of the biggest challenges in marriage, so much that at points, I have also self-harmed and have done extremely crazy things that I have no control over. Most of my family tends to think I have AS, as do I. My motor skills are underdeveloped so I am in other words a klutz. I have tics in my neck at times, especially when I am overwhelmed. I started noticing it in myself at a young age but I've never been able to control it. All of it scares me. I don't know where to go, who all to talk to or what to do for help. Most everyone on the thread here has probably been here for a while. I challenge everyone that has any suggestions for me (advice, etc.), to please come forward. I need answers to questions I haven't even thought of yet. God bless,

Thanks in advance
(also I have uploaded a picture based on some tests that I've taken, though not official yet as to where I might be placed on the spectrum).

 

[Nitro]

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Hello Julian. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the help or answers you are looking for.

Talkative to all, cannnot make decisions, disorganized thoughts, problems with school, low stress tolerance, and impulsivity look ADHD. My wife has those things and additional things like procrastination, fidgetiness, failure to complete tasks, poor concentration, poor memory, etc.

Any motor issues like tics may or may not be AS related, but when combined with your diagnosed ocd, which means likely some rituals present, and possibly narrowed interests, which I am not clear on yet, based on your interests mentioned, then AS is a possibility. ADHD and Autism are often common, in about 30% of cases, if that research was correct.

So, it is possible your original two diagnoses were correct, ADHD and OCD, but it would not shock me if instead you had dual ADHD and milder Autism or Aspergers. I would have to know more about your focus of interests, any sensory issues, your routines, and whether you have literal thinking, and your capacity to understand others' feelings. As well, it would help to know any signs and symptoms as a child.

My wife does not have motor issues, or narrowed interests, or literal thinking, nor social difficulty, so for her I just do not see AS as most core components are not there for that. Besides my wife's ADHD, she has some tendencies that look OCD related, and not Autism routine related, and she has lots of physical sensitivities to pain, allergens, hot weather, humidity, etc.

 

[JulianDG]

View attachment 35040

Thank you for making me feel welcome ☺

 

[Warmheart]

Welcome, Julian! I'm glad you've found us.

 

[tree]

 

[JulianDG]

Hello. Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the help or answers you are looking for.

Talkative to all, cannnot make decisions, disorganized thoughts, problems with school, low stress tolerance, and impulsivity look ADHD. My wife has those things and additional things like procrastination, fidgetiness, failure to complete tasks, poor concentration, poor memory, etc.

Any motor issues like tics may or may not be AS related, but when combined with your diagnosed ocd, which means likely some rituals present, and possibly narrowed interests, which I am not clear on yet, based on your interests mentioned, then AS is a possibility. ADHD and Autism are often common, in about 30% of cases, if that research was correct.

So, it is possible your original two diagnoses were correct, ADHD and OCD, but it would not shock me if instead you had dual ADHD and milder Autism or Aspergers. I would have to know more about your focus of interests, any sensory issues, and whether you have literal thinking, and your capacity to understand others' feelings. As well, it would help to know any signs and symptoms as a child.

My wife does not have motor issues, or narrowed interests, or literal thinking, nor social difficulty, so for her I just do not see AS as most core components are not there for that. Besides my wife's ADHD, she has some tendencies that look OCD related, and not Autism routine related, and she has lots of physical sensitivities to pain, allergens, hot weather, humidity, etc.

Thank you for taking time to reach out to me. I'm talkative to all as well, and I have a very difficult time making my own decisions. I always failed everything in school, barely made it out of high school. I myself have a very low tolerance for stress. When it comes to talking, I cannot engage in small-talk, it has to be direct and to the point otherwise it angers me and to the point that I'll hit myself.

In terms of rituals, I have to swipe my deodorant on numerous times or I feel bare. Interests also include keys, buses, trains, limos, semis, planes, helicopters and ambulances (lest I forget music- always a must), but for focus, I'm more interested in anti-medicine (i.e. Embalming, Cremations, Death, etc.).

Sensory issues...I despise bright lights as I feel hypnotized. Sirens or loud exhaust make me lash out and scream. I've been in tears a number of times due to these instances. Physically, I cannot stand to be poked, pushed or touched without permission. Usually, if I have to tell someone to stop touching me I'll start getting angry then I cry. Everyday of my life, I feel so out of place but at the same time I know I am intelligent in my own way.

I do my laundry on the weekends as it is the only time I get away from work. Work is extremely challenging for me, as I get pushed around and am expected to work by myself for 8 hours a day and nobody here to help me. It can be debilitating to say the least. My wife has a Bachelor's in English and a Bachelor's in Philosophy which I can never understand. To my gifted abilities, I write personal memoir type poetry at least regarding things that mean something to me.

I have difficulty reading body language. I can't tell if someone is upset or angry, let alone if someone is being literal or just joking. I'm very gullible and don't know how to take; as people say "With a grain of salt." I've always been very manipulated and controlled. As a baby, my mother took drugs up to the point she found out she was pregnant with me. I remember, when mom would drop my brother, my sister and I off to my grandmother's, I would cross my legs as I sat down in the floor and bang my head for hours at a time. My nephew whom also was born on drugs a couple of years ago has been diagnosed as Autistic (he lacks the verbal and non-verbal communications. He's three and still not talking). I also remember a lot of my childhood memories. I fell off my dad's boat when I was maybe 4 or 5 and cracked my head open. I was playing in a cardboard box in '98 when we moved from my home state and there was a trailer in the yard where my brother jumped on and dropped it on my head causing severe bleeding.

Pain wise, I got a tattoo a few years back and it took everything in me not to scream because of the vibration of the needle driving me crazy. Otherwise, if I get hurt bad enough, I just laugh until the pain goes away.

 

[JulianDG]

View attachment 35042

Thank you so much. I love that quote too.

 

[JulianDG]

Welcome, Julian! I'm glad you've found us.

Thank you so much, I'm glad I have too. This has been on my mind for sometime now to get some answers and ideas as to what needs to be done.

 

[JulianDG]

THANK YOU!!☺

 

[Jet Weiss]

Welcome Julian
I also have ADHD. I can also relate to being talkative to everyone but other people perceiving it as awkward.
I too struggle with self harm and often feel as though I have no control.

Enough about me though, I hope that you feel welcome here and find it helpful!

 

[JulianDG]

Welcome Julian
I also have ADHD. I can also relate to being talkative to everyone but other people perceiving it as awkward.
I too struggle with self harm and often feel as though I have no control.

Enough about me though, I hope that you feel welcome here and find it helpful!

Thank you so much. I've only had this account for a few hours and you all have made me feel more than welcome. I am so used to getting rejected by everyone and I'm honestly tired of it. I hope I didn't post too much information in my first thread and I'm new to chat forums and blogs so bear with me if I'm slow to replying on anything. I don't want to be labeled as an idiot for posting too much I just wish my family had even one idea of what I go through on a daily basis. They know I'm different, but they don't know why. Into adulthood, it's up to me to fix and find the answers. Also if any of you want to add me on Facebook, you're more than welcome.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Hey there, it's Julian.

I'm probably not as shy as some but I do feel as though I need some help. I am 26 years young and have been diagnosed in the early 90's as being ADHD/OCD. To my understanding, and someone please correct me if I am wrong on this, but I believe this was the timeframe in which individuals were being misdiagnosed as having the two mentioned. I struggle day to day with work. I want to go to school and get a better career but there's fear of not passing the class because I can't comprehend the subject matter; in addition, the teacher (professor) may put me with people I may not like or may not want to know. If I feel interested in a particular subject, and in my case Funeral Science, Anesthesiology or becoming a Locksmith, that I feel I cannot achieve...It will keep bouncing back and forth til I want to scream and pull my hair out. Other than those instances (just to name a few), I'm normally very talkative. I don't meet a stranger. My wife thinks that is extremely awkward of me to talk to every person I've ever met, though she doesn't know them. Communication is one of the biggest challenges in marriage, so much that at points, I have also self-harmed and have done extremely crazy things that I have no control over. Most of my family tends to think I have AS, as do I. My motor skills are underdeveloped so I am in other words a klutz. I have tics in my neck at times, especially when I am overwhelmed. I started noticing it in myself at a young age but I've never been able to control it. All of it scares me. I don't know where to go, who all to talk to or what to do for help. Most everyone on the thread here has probably been here for a while. I challenge everyone that has any suggestions for me (advice, etc.), to please come forward. I need answers to questions I haven't even thought of yet. God bless,

Thanks in advance
(also I have uploaded a picture based on some tests that I've taken, though not official yet as to where I might be placed on the spectrum).
View attachment 35037

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Thank you for taking time to reach out to me. I'm talkative to all as well, and I have a very difficult time making my own decisions. I always failed everything in school, barely made it out of high school. I myself have a very low tolerance for stress. When it comes to talking, I cannot engage in small-talk, it has to be direct and to the point otherwise it angers me and to the point that I'll hit myself.

In terms of rituals, I have to swipe my deodorant on numerous times or I feel bare. Interests also include keys, buses, trains, limos, semis, planes, helicopters and ambulances (lest I forget music- always a must), but for focus, I'm more interested in anti-medicine (i.e. Embalming, Cremations, Death, etc.).

Sensory issues...I despise bright lights as I feel hypnotized. Sirens or loud exhaust make me lash out and scream. I've been in tears a number of times due to these instances. Physically, I cannot stand to be poked, pushed or touched without permission. Usually, if I have to tell someone to stop touching me I'll start getting angry then I cry. Everyday of my life, I feel so out of place but at the same time I know I am intelligent in my own way.

I do my laundry on the weekends as it is the only time I get away from work. Work is extremely challenging for me, as I get pushed around and am expected to work by myself for 8 hours a day and nobody here to help me. It can be debilitating to say the least. My wife has a Bachelor's in English and a Bachelor's in Philosophy which I can never understand. To my gifted abilities, I write personal memoir type poetry at least regarding things that mean something to me.

I have difficulty reading body language. I can't tell if someone is upset or angry, let alone if someone is being literal or just joking. I'm very gullible and don't know how to take; as people say "With a grain of salt." I've always been very manipulated and controlled. As a baby, my mother took drugs up to the point she found out she was pregnant with me. I remember, when mom would drop my brother, my sister and I off to my grandmother's, I would cross my legs as I sat down in the floor and bang my head for hours at a time. My nephew whom also was born on drugs a couple of years ago has been diagnosed as Autistic (he lacks the verbal and non-verbal communications. He's three and still not talking). I also remember a lot of my childhood memories. I fell off my dad's boat when I was maybe 4 or 5 and cracked my head open. I was playing in a cardboard box in '98 when we moved from my home state and there was a trailer in the yard where my brother jumped on and dropped it on my head causing severe bleeding.

Pain wise, I got a tattoo a few years back and it took everything in me not to scream because of the vibration of the needle driving me crazy. Otherwise, if I get hurt bad enough, I just laugh until the pain goes away.

Hi Julian. Based on what you wrote here, and your initial
message, too, it is my belief it very well could be both ADHD and Aspergers/High functioning Autism. That is just my opinion, based on everything you wrote. I do not necessarily think you have OCD. Everything you wrote points in that other direction based on everything we know about such from our family, with similar issues, and from much research. If you can have a specialist verify such, that is an option. It is just a matter if a formal diagnosis is needed for you, for any reason. Many prefer formal diagnoses, but some do not.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Hey there, it's Julian.

I'm probably not as shy as some but I do feel as though I need some help. I am 26 years young and have been diagnosed in the early 90's as being ADHD/OCD. To my understanding, and someone please correct me if I am wrong on this, but I believe this was the timeframe in which individuals were being misdiagnosed as having the two mentioned. I struggle day to day with work. I want to go to school and get a better career but there's fear of not passing the class because I can't comprehend the subject matter; in addition, the teacher (professor) may put me with people I may not like or may not want to know. If I feel interested in a particular subject, and in my case Funeral Science, Anesthesiology or becoming a Locksmith, that I feel I cannot achieve...It will keep bouncing back and forth til I want to scream and pull my hair out. Other than those instances (just to name a few), I'm normally very talkative. I don't meet a stranger. My wife thinks that is extremely awkward of me to talk to every person I've ever met, though she doesn't know them. Communication is one of the biggest challenges in marriage, so much that at points, I have also self-harmed and have done extremely crazy things that I have no control over. Most of my family tends to think I have AS, as do I. My motor skills are underdeveloped so I am in other words a klutz. I have tics in my neck at times, especially when I am overwhelmed. I started noticing it in myself at a young age but I've never been able to control it. All of it scares me. I don't know where to go, who all to talk to or what to do for help. Most everyone on the thread here has probably been here for a while. I challenge everyone that has any suggestions for me (advice, etc.), to please come forward. I need answers to questions I haven't even thought of yet. God bless,

Thanks in advance
(also I have uploaded a picture based on some tests that I've taken, though not official yet as to where I might be placed on the spectrum).
View attachment 35037

Welcome, Julian! I love AC and all the members; so many people I can relate to, and I used to think I was alone in this. I'm about to turn 30 and I was only recently "diagnosed" with Asperger's, not formally. One thing I know about the 90's is that Asperger's was first "discovered" during that decade.

I used to be shy until my early to mid-20's, then something changed - and not for the better. With my lack of social experience I ended up behaving in a very off-putting manner without ever meaning to, and ended up just plain alienating people. This was all in college where I got my computer science degree. I may have been a lone wolf but this led me to be even more alone than ever, and it opened me up to drown in regret and self-hatred. I've had very few friends over my entire lifetime. Some people thought I was crazy or on drugs. I've been made fun of and bullied throughout my lifetime. Everyone just magically seems to get along with each other and once I was closer to my mid-20's I wanted that too and I failed.

I don't like strangers and I have trust issues. I don't really like people overall. Even now, I know very few people outside of my family in real life. I cannot stand it when I cannot achieve something I desire, I end up throwing one of those temper tantrums where I start hitting objects around me if it takes too long. You said you're married? Awesome! I'm almost 30 and I've never even gone on a date before. So many people on here have at least some history of a relationship based on what I read in the forum. And my coordination doesn't tend to be the best; I drop things pretty easily.

After getting my degree I started working as a software developer, and still do. I too experience social and communication problems at work, as well as ones with lack of common sense and anxieties/low self-esteem. I do have very good programming skills though, people have told me that - one person even called me a genius, despite the fact that I'm not. One of my coworkers suspected I had Asperger's after working with me for over 5 years, but I have been suspecting it myself long before that. Only I was an idiot for not seeing a professional much sooner; I've been sweeping my numerous struggles under the rug hoping that they'd magically go away one day. I'm capable of driving so many people crazy with my behavior and it really upsets me, I don't meant to make anyone mad or frustrated; makes me even more frustrated than I make them.

My anxieties are off the chart severe; I suffer from general anxiety and OCD, and I highly suspect ADD/ADHD. I have trouble focusing and I can be very, what they call "hyper" many a time. My moods are very prone to change - I'm either overly happy or extremely grumpy. I can be really quiet or really chatty; even at work I either do a really good job or I let people down. I can never find a middle ground in anything. Sometimes I even wonder if I'm also bipolar or on the brink of depression. I lose my cool very quickly and can say something that hurts other people only to realize it moments later and live in regret again.

I do suffer from meltdowns where I just act like a maniac and start hitting objects around me, it freaks my mother out seeing me behave this way. Sometimes if I get too mad at myself I even slap myself in the face, it freaks people (including myself) out too. I end up taking a herb called Valerian to calm the nerves. I've had strained relationships with my parents because of my anxieties and behavioral issues and I could have been a much better son. I exhibit multiple types of tics including eye blinking, nose twitching and sometimes head shaking; I'm nervous and anxious more than half the time it seems. I also have the maturity of a 5-year-old kid. Sometimes I even wonder if I'm some kind of psycho.

Anyway, I just couldn't take the struggles anymore and decided to just go ahead and see a specialist because hoping for them to go away was a waste of time. I've only been seeing him for a couple of months and we're working together on a lot of self-improvement. This man is a psychologist, not a psychiatrist - and he definitely has hopes for me; he wants to do it without giving me medication (and frankly so do I). I'm finding this approach very promising, but it will take time!

 

[Jet Weiss]

Thank you so much. I've only had this account for a few hours and you all have made me feel more than welcome. I am so used to getting rejected by everyone and I'm honestly tired of it. I hope I didn't post too much information in my first thread and I'm new to chat forums and blogs so bear with me if I'm slow to replying on anything. I don't want to be labeled as an idiot for posting too much I just wish my family had even one idea of what I go through on a daily basis. They know I'm different, but they don't know why. Into adulthood, it's up to me to fix and find the answers. Also if any of you want to add me on Facebook, you're more than welcome.

You're welcome I am so glad you feel so welcome here. I'm always afraid of posting too much as well
I deactivated my Facebook due to bullying and family issues but if I still had it you would be more than welcome to add me.

 

[JulianDG]

You're welcome I am so glad you feel so welcome here. I'm always afraid of posting too much as well
I deactivated my Facebook due to bullying and family issues but if I still had it you would be more than welcome to add me.

I understand that. I didn't exactly delete my old one, I still have it because I have too many pictures on there but my previous supervisor sexually harassed me multiple times and me being unable to think for myself.

 

[JulianDG]

Welcome, Julian! I love AC and all the members; so many people I can relate to, and I used to think I was alone in this. I'm about to turn 30 and I was only recently "diagnosed" with Asperger's, not formally. One thing I know about the 90's is that Asperger's was first "discovered" during that decade.

I used to be shy until my early to mid-20's, then something changed - and not for the better. With my lack of social experience I ended up behaving in a very off-putting manner without ever meaning to, and ended up just plain alienating people. This was all in college where I got my computer science degree. I may have been a lone wolf but this led me to be even more alone than ever, and it opened me up to drown in regret and self-hatred. I've had very few friends over my entire lifetime. Some people thought I was crazy or on drugs. I've been made fun of and bullied throughout my lifetime. Everyone just magically seems to get along with each other and once I was closer to my mid-20's I wanted that too and I failed.

I don't like strangers and I have trust issues. I don't really like people overall. Even now, I know very few people outside of my family in real life. I cannot stand it when I cannot achieve something I desire, I end up throwing one of those temper tantrums where I start hitting objects around me if it takes too long. You said you're married? Awesome! I'm almost 30 and I've never even gone on a date before. So many people on here have at least some history of a relationship based on what I read in the forum. And my coordination doesn't tend to be the best; I drop things pretty easily.

After getting my degree I started working as a software developer, and still do. I too experience social and communication problems at work, as well as ones with lack of common sense and anxieties/low self-esteem. I do have very good programming skills though, people have told me that - one person even called me a genius, despite the fact that I'm not. One of my coworkers suspected I had Asperger's after working with me for over 5 years, but I have been suspecting it myself long before that. Only I was an idiot for not seeing a professional much sooner; I've been sweeping my numerous struggles under the rug hoping that they'd magically go away one day. I'm capable of driving so many people crazy with my behavior and it really upsets me, I don't meant to make anyone mad or frustrated; makes me even more frustrated than I make them.

My anxieties are off the chart severe; I suffer from general anxiety and OCD, and I highly suspect ADD/ADHD. I have trouble focusing and I can be very, what they call "hyper" many a time. My moods are very prone to change - I'm either overly happy or extremely grumpy. I can be really quiet or really chatty; even at work I either do a really good job or I let people down. I can never find a middle ground in anything. Sometimes I even wonder if I'm also bipolar or on the brink of depression. I lose my cool very quickly and can say something that hurts other people only to realize it moments later and live in regret again.

I do suffer from meltdowns where I just act like a maniac and start hitting objects around me, it freaks my mother out seeing me behave this way. Sometimes if I get too mad at myself I even slap myself in the face, it freaks people (including myself) out too. I end up taking a herb called Valerian to calm the nerves. I've had strained relationships with my parents because of my anxieties and behavioral issues and I could have been a much better son. I exhibit multiple types of tics including eye blinking, nose twitching and sometimes head shaking; I'm nervous and anxious more than half the time it seems. I also have the maturity of a 5-year-old kid. Sometimes I even wonder if I'm some kind of psycho.

Anyway, I just couldn't take the struggles anymore and decided to just go ahead and see a specialist because hoping for them to go away was a waste of time. I've only been seeing him for a couple of months and we're working together on a lot of self-improvement. This man is a psychologist, not a psychiatrist - and he definitely has hopes for me; he wants to do it without giving me medication (and frankly so do I). I'm finding this approach very promising, but it will take time!

Thank you. That really helps me too. I too can relate on the depression issues. It seems at times that nobody cares, though deep down you know they do. My wife can't stand me sometimes If I try to show her something I'm interested in or talk to her about it, she tells me to go into the other room or shut up. It really messes with me because "1"- I don't realize I'm doing it and "2"- I can't help her to understand my comprehension and train of thought doesn't work the same way as hers. My tics have initially started in my neck and it goes into my shoulders with a head roll, then a shake...blinking is very rare for me. But the tics have became vocal lately too, but only if I'm stressed out or nervous about something. At least it's not coprolalia so I don't have to worry about being banned any place.

 

[JulianDG]

Hi Julian. Based on what you wrote here, and your initial
message, too, it is my belief it very well could be both ADHD and Aspergers/High functioning Autism. That is just my opinion, based on everything you wrote. I do not necessarily think you have OCD. Everything you wrote points in that other direction based on everything we know about such from our family, with similar issues, and from much research. If you can have a specialist verify such, that is an option. It is just a matter if a formal diagnosis is needed for you, for any reason. Many prefer formal diagnoses, but some do not.

Thank you so much. I'm speechless. I've waited so long just to hear (see in this case ) someone say that they believe it could likely be Asperger's based on everything I've described. I just feel so different at times. So helpless, like nobody cares about me or my thoughts. I'm thankful to say as well that I've jumped on the right train to get to this page. All of you (I hope all the others that have commented read the replies as well) are like the family I've never had. I've been so anxious and depressed lately, but I have no clue why. Music and poetry are my main go-to for solace. Also I mentioned before about the semis; by the time I was 6, I could tell you everything about them. For me, that includes year, make, model or trim. I didn't mention before that I love to watch movies. Every movie I've ever seen, I've watched at least 20 times. I can watch a good movie once (e.g. Forrest Gump) and remember almost every single line. I used to drive my dad crazy doing it. Some of the folks I've hung out with that actually consider me their friend will have me reenact some scenes from movies as I'm good with voices as well. It's a weird feeling that I get from being able to remember those things but anymore, I try to look at it as a gift.

 

[xudo]

Welcome