Hi I am new and a little shy

[rainbowbright64]

Hi,

My username is rainbowbright64. As you can probably tell by the username, I love rainbow colors. I am a little shy, and a little scared/nervous. I am here to learn more about autism, since I heavily suspect I am high functioning autistic. This is a bit out of my comfort zone, I've never really done well with people, but I am willing to come out, learn, and grow. And, to be honest, the family I live with right now is uninformed and does not believe in autism as a spectrum. Since I do not show the surface-level stereotypical signs, not even when I was a kid, they don't think I am autistic. I want to thank a friend of mine, who I met at work, for helping me stand up for myself and take the necessary steps needed to at least figure out myself more. I never had a friend who understood what I was going through before, and so far, she is the only friend I have (and I am grateful for her). Even if I am wrong, I am willing to learn more, to be informed, and to find the necessary support I need in order to grow.

I am female 25, currently stuck at home due to circumstances beyond my control (money and gaslighting from my current living conditions being the more prevalent problems currently). I am working to move out this year to get to the family who supports me for who I am. It's just hard and it is taking an emotional toll on me, especially when I wonder if I am doing everything right. I'll write in more detail later. But, if they happen to find out my posts on here, I do not care anymore. I got one life, and I want to be with people who care. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for years; I think the symptoms started showing up at 12. I am untreated, by the way. Therapy is looked down upon in the household I'm in. I have social anxiety, but work has helped me cope. My main passion is writing and sketching. When I write, I feel like myself. It's part of my lifeblood. Sketching calms me down. While I am not a professional artist, drawing my own OCs brings me comfort when I need it. My favorite genres are fantasy and horror, primarily psychological horror and monster films. Slashers are okay, but it's just not my favorite. I love rainbows; I think life needs more of them. Kind of funny to love bright colors so much, and then talk about horror films. Don't Hug Me I'm Scared mixes both nicely, lol!

I am an INTJ-T 5w6, and I am also a Gemini. While I am quiet, I suppose most of my silly chaos comes in the form of art. I heard I used to be really chatty when I was younger, but I don't remember that. I remember being blunt to a fault, but not chatty. Maybe with topics I know, which is still true to this day. I guess I got so used to people talking over me, lol! Anyway, this is all I can think of about myself...Oh, and I like early bumpers of Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network. I like seeing how creative and weird they are. I love Carebears, and anything cute, colorful, and soft! Okay, I think that's it. I hope to learn more and to come out of my shell.

Thank you all for reading! I know it's a lot, but it honestly feels good to finally get my voice out here. If anyone is going through something similar, I hope things will get better. And you're not alone, okay? Take it from me, an internet stranger. There are people out there who care for you. Even if it's just one person, remember that person, alright? Take care everyone, and be safe!

 

[Rocco]

Greetings. And welcome aboard
I like rainbow colors too. I hope you find some comfort and insight here, and that something good happens to you today.

 

[Judge]

Welcome to the Autism Forums!

A good place for anyone to contemplate whether or not they may be on the spectrum. Far better for people to mingle here on their own terms, and to actually interact with other autistic people, to get a better understanding of our traits and behaviors, and hopefully in the process to understand your own as well.

And in the process, you may find that you learn more here than through rather dry and formal medical information as well. You may find that you have much in common with us, and that despite the loneliness many of us sense going through life, that you are not alone.

 

[tree]

 

[Rodafina]

Hello and welcome, @rainbowbright64. I hope you enjoy the forum. I would love to see some of your art if you feel up for sharing it some day. There's a few different art threads, and some people post their art on their profile, too.

 

[Alexej]

Hi @rainbowbright64
GLad you found us.
Do hang around a bit and get to us in all our styles and flavours.

 

[TBRS1]

Hello, Rainbowbright64!

You sound like a fun person. I hope you enjoy it here.

 

[Cutesie]

Hi, and congratulations for joining and introducing yourself despite the nervousness involved. I'm the same as you in some ways - not yet diagnosed, with a family that doesn't really believe me that I'm autistic. (They try to be supportive, though.) My depression and anxiety started at about the same age as you, and though a decade-plus older and having attempted treatment many times, my issues are very, very far from being resolved. I hope that you can find support and some direction.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Welcome!

 

[kriss72]

Hi,

My username is rainbowbright64. As you can probably tell by the username, I love rainbow colors. I am a little shy, and a little scared/nervous. I am here to learn more about autism, since I heavily suspect I am high functioning autistic. This is a bit out of my comfort zone, I've never really done well with people, but I am willing to come out, learn, and grow. And, to be honest, the family I live with right now is uninformed and does not believe in autism as a spectrum. Since I do not show the surface-level stereotypical signs, not even when I was a kid, they don't think I am autistic. I want to thank a friend of mine, who I met at work, for helping me stand up for myself and take the necessary steps needed to at least figure out myself more. I never had a friend who understood what I was going through before, and so far, she is the only friend I have (and I am grateful for her). Even if I am wrong, I am willing to learn more, to be informed, and to find the necessary support I need in order to grow.

I am female 25, currently stuck at home due to circumstances beyond my control (money and gaslighting from my current living conditions being the more prevalent problems currently). I am working to move out this year to get to the family who supports me for who I am. It's just hard and it is taking an emotional toll on me, especially when I wonder if I am doing everything right. I'll write in more detail later. But, if they happen to find out my posts on here, I do not care anymore. I got one life, and I want to be with people who care. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for years; I think the symptoms started showing up at 12. I am untreated, by the way. Therapy is looked down upon in the household I'm in. I have social anxiety, but work has helped me cope. My main passion is writing and sketching. When I write, I feel like myself. It's part of my lifeblood. Sketching calms me down. While I am not a professional artist, drawing my own OCs brings me comfort when I need it. My favorite genres are fantasy and horror, primarily psychological horror and monster films. Slashers are okay, but it's just not my favorite. I love rainbows; I think life needs more of them. Kind of funny to love bright colors so much, and then talk about horror films. Don't Hug Me I'm Scared mixes both nicely, lol!

I am an INTJ-T 5w6, and I am also a Gemini. While I am quiet, I suppose most of my silly chaos comes in the form of art. I heard I used to be really chatty when I was younger, but I don't remember that. I remember being blunt to a fault, but not chatty. Maybe with topics I know, which is still true to this day. I guess I got so used to people talking over me, lol! Anyway, this is all I can think of about myself...Oh, and I like early bumpers of Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network. I like seeing how creative and weird they are. I love Carebears, and anything cute, colorful, and soft! Okay, I think that's it. I hope to learn more and to come out of my shell.

Thank you all for reading! I know it's a lot, but it honestly feels good to finally get my voice out here. If anyone is going through something similar, I hope things will get better. And you're not alone, okay? Take it from me, an internet stranger. There are people out there who care for you. Even if it's just one person, remember that person, alright? Take care everyone, and be safe!

Hi @rainbowbright64, your voice is more than welcome here, sounds like a good thing if you can switch to live with a family who understands/supports you better - I think we are many with autism that like colors, I recently made myself a rainbow hat:

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Welcome @rainbowbright64. Your feelings, being shy and with some anxiety, especially as you look to move out to live independently and create a supportive family are things many of us have had to face. (remember, friends are the family you choose) Most of us geezers grew up at a time when autism was not diagnosed unless severe and we were the weird kids in class. Sadly, people thought I was too intelligent to be as socially dysfunctional as I was.

Still, living independently and being self-reliant is a huge step that helped me mature socially - and with that I do not know if I just became better at masking or actually changed my outlook and tolerance of the social. Either way, I actually started valuing who I was, and that made a significant difference to my life. I wish you all the luck in the world as you grow. Just know that some of us have had different levels of success, and that required effort.

 

[rainbowbright64]

Hi @rainbowbright64, your voice is more than welcome here, sounds like a good thing if you can switch to live with a family who understands/supports you better - I think we are many with autism that like colors, I recently made myself a rainbow hat:
View attachment 140517

Oh my gosh, that looks cute! Cool hat!

 

[Xinyta]

Glad to have you with us, @rainbowbright64

You are very welcome to be yourself here. You are a equally lovely and wonderful individual that deserves the care and respect you should get. ASD or not. Each person is thier own individual. Be proud of yourself, even if others are not.

I am working to move out this year to get to the family who supports me for who I am. It's just hard and it is taking an emotional toll on me, especially when I wonder if I am doing everything right. I'll write in more detail later. But, if they happen to find out my posts on here, I do not care anymore. I got one life, and I want to be with people who care. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for years; I think the symptoms started showing up at 12. I am untreated, by the way. Therapy is looked down upon in the household I'm in.

It's unfortunately quite common for people to be hostile/dismissive to the idea of therapy, due to the societal idea of it. That significantly mentally ill individuals and psychopaths are the only ones who actually need it. Which is a faulty and untrue belief.

I am in therapy myself. Well... On phone talk sessions with a psychologist. But anything helps more than not having that professional help.

I do strongly encourage doing what you are doing. It will help free you of the cage you are in, and hopefully bring a new life to your inner world.

My main passion is writing and sketching. When I write, I feel like myself. It's part of my lifeblood. Sketching calms me down. While I am not a professional artist, drawing my own OCs brings me comfort when I need it. My favorite genres are fantasy and horror, primarily psychological horror and monster films. Slashers are okay, but it's just not my favorite.

I like to sketch/draw myself. It can be rather relaxing and really helpful for expressing internal feelings and ideas you have no words for. I've created quite a few OCs of my own over my time of drawing. Over 90% isn't really with me anymore. But I do still draw and create occasionally.

Your feeling you have with writing, is the feeling I get from cleaning. It's calming and makes me feel like I can be myself. My best self. I'm not a germaphobe by any means. But I do make sure to keep away nastier things like mold and other crud.

I feel fairly alone in this enjoyment truthfully. I've found no one who love to clean like I do. Though I've never tried too hard either. So there is that.