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Hi everyone. I resisted this diagnosis for years. I mean, who wants another diagnosis?

Running Girl

Well-Known Member
Finding out last year that I have EFD (Executive Function Deficit) - I have ALL the symptoms- and seeing the documentary 'Aspargers are Us' really helped me make the leap (or let go of the denial). That, and putting it all together with a documentary I saw several years ago about people on the spectrum forming romantic relationships - there was an artsy/creative woman who wore lots of funky jewelry and struggled with friendships all her life...she coulda been my twin - Well, here I am. My therapist agrees, but stresses that I'm 'High Functioning'. I'm a nurse (in retrospect, one of the worst possible professions for me). I wish I worked alone. I wish I didn't have to keep track of so much stuff. Actually I wish I had gotten properly diagnosed and was on disability, cause I struggle massively every day. I just wanna go for a run, do some artwork, read, write, hang out with my cat, hang out with my husband (as long as I get the alone time I need, too), putter in the garden on my deck, go to my 12step meetings... lots of things I like to do - granted, most of them don't involve people - but going to work is not one of them! Thanks for being here, everyone. Hope I can find some identification and even some good suggestions for coping with stuff. I'm in recovery (Addiction - NA mtgs, and Eating disorder (s) - OA mtgs,) have well controlled depression, sometimes crippling social anxiety, and I'm married to someone on the spectrum. I also have bad EFD, that interferes with everyday stuff. I've been compensating all my life (lists, cheat sheets, rigid plans, and lots of avoidance!!
 
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Welcome to Autismforums.com, Running Girl. Your gonna be pleasantly surprised at how many people here will understand your struggles and can sympathize with your circumstances. We are glad you are here.
 
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Hello, running girl.

I too, have been running away from admitting I have issues, but finally, I am not running away and although, it is difficult to be stamped "disabled", there are doors that have opened for me.

First, the country I reside in, not my own, is France and because they classify autism as a disability ( no logic in arguing the point), I am high on the list for help, so I am trying to go along with it.

It is funny that you say your work invironment is the worst for you, because my faith also could easily clash with all I go through, as I have to meeting strangers a lot and often have to deal with changes in routine that causes anxiety to go out of control, but I also have my Creator to "fall back on" and boy, does He help me to not sink!!!!

I would love to earn my money as most do, but I am realistic enough to know that is impossible for me, in my situation.
 
Hello, running girl.

I too, have been running away from admitting I have issues, but finally, I am not running away and although, it is difficult to be stamped "disabled", there are doors that have opened for me.

First, the country I reside in, not my own, is France and because they classify autism as a disability ( no logic in arguing the point), I am high on the list for help, so I am trying to go along with it.

It is funny that you say your work invironment is the worst for you, because my faith also could easily clash with all I go through, as I have to meeting strangers a lot and often have to deal with changes in routine that causes anxiety to go out of control, but I also have my Creator to "fall back on" and boy, does He help me to not sink!!!!

I would love to earn my money as most do, but I am realistic enough to know that is impossible for me, in my situation.
 
Hi Suzanne, I've got faith in spades and yeah, it helps a lot. I know I'm disabled, but I've been and still am in the mainstream and expected to meet expectations, which is stressful beyond belief. I have attempted to become 'officially disabled' and it seems to be not in the cards, in fact I can't even get to a starting point most of the time. For example, just saw a new Psych Nurse-Practitioner who said, "Well, there are no medications for EFD or ASD, so what's the point in getting a diagnosis I can't help you with?" (idiotic. answering the wrong question. Oh, ****, here comes my 'innapropriate; anger again!) so I question God about why I'm still in the thick of it, so tired....
 
Hi Running girl - love the screen name. I'm 61 and I was a nurse. I agree, it is not a profession that I should have chosen - but I chose I based on need and security because I was a single mom and needed to do something that I could support my family and not worry about not having work. It was a nightmare. One of my biggest things was that I was never able to ask for help - so when it came to pulling patients up in bed or picking them up off the floor or rolling them over to reposition, etc, I did myself and never let their weight stop me - I'd find a way rather than ask a co-worker to help me. Thus I ended up with some severe spinal problems and after my second neck surgery, which didn't fix all the problems I decided to go out on disability. Funny thing, during the process they required a psychological functioning test and the results from that was the first time I realized that my problems were unique to me and not something everyone experienced. :) The results showed a GAF score of 50 - or "serious impairment in several areas including occupational and social functioning as defined by the DSM". That's what got me on social security disability. Their decision based on there was no job existing that I would be able to perform. I KNEW I should never have been in the work force but didn't have a choice. That was about 6 years ago, which kind of started me on my personal search to what the heck is wrong with me. :) You sound a lot like me. But, I credit God and see it this way. If I had known about the autism I would not have tried to do what I did and would not be where I am now - it would have had an affect on my current life and my kids, so it was probably best I didn't know and just kept doing the best I could. But I believe God led me to find the answers before I die so I would finally have some understanding of my life and why it was so difficult for me. I was diagnosed a couple years ago and was able to accept who I am better without hating myself for having all these problems that no one else seemed to have. But those years were far from pleasant. I'm here, if ya wanna share stories and compare notes. :)
 
One of my biggest things was that I was never able to ask for help - so when it came to pulling patients up in bed or picking them up off the floor or rolling them over to reposition, etc, I did myself and never let their weight stop me - I'd find a way rather than ask a co-worker to help me. Thus I ended up with some severe spinal problems and after my second neck surgery...

That's a shame Pats. I know so many hospital workers end up with back problems and its so easy to see how it happens. It's harder to see how it doesn't happen. But it gave me an idea. When you need a patient to move or roll how about a 'Nurse Assistant Animal'. I was thinking a Tarantula.
;)
 
Hi Running girl - love the screen name. I'm 61 and I was a nurse. I agree, it is not a profession that I should have chosen - but I chose I based on need and security because I was a single mom and needed to do something that I could support my family and not worry about not having work. It was a nightmare. One of my biggest things was that I was never able to ask for help - so when it came to pulling patients up in bed or picking them up off the floor or rolling them over to reposition, etc, I did myself and never let their weight stop me - I'd find a way rather than ask a co-worker to help me. Thus I ended up with some severe spinal problems and after my second neck surgery, which didn't fix all the problems I decided to go out on disability. Funny thing, during the process they required a psychological functioning test and the results from that was the first time I realized that my problems were unique to me and not something everyone experienced. :) The results showed a GAF score of 50 - or "serious impairment in several areas including occupational and social functioning as defined by the DSM". That's what got me on social security disability. Their decision based on there was no job existing that I would be able to perform. I KNEW I should never have been in the work force but didn't have a choice. That was about 6 years ago, which kind of started me on my personal search to what the heck is wrong with me. :) You sound a lot like me. But, I credit God and see it this way. If I had known about the autism I would not have tried to do what I did and would not be where I am now - it would have had an affect on my current life and my kids, so it was probably best I didn't know and just kept doing the best I could. But I believe God led me to find the answers before I die so I would finally have some understanding of my life and why it was so difficult for me. I was diagnosed a couple years ago and was able to accept who I am better without hating myself for having all these problems that no one else seemed to have. But those years were far from pleasant. I'm here, if ya wanna share stories and compare notes. :)
yeah, we do sound a lot alike. I also went to nursing school as a single parent of a 1 year old, and mostly just saw dollar signs. My excellent test-taking skills got me though the school part of nursing school as well as the clinical, which was a train wreck but the instructors would never get on the case (not badly anyway) of a student who got A's on the tests. It was only on my first 3 nsg jobs (got fired from 2 out of the 3 for being 'unsafe' ) that I realized I really had a problem that others did not have, both with relating to others -including patients, and with organizing my work, remembering names, faces, rooms, diagnosis, meds...everything. Thus, the ADD diagnosis, which I now know only scratched the surface.
 

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