MistyRavenWolf
New Member
I'm confused about using site. My apologies.
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Hi all
- Thread starter MistyRavenWolf
- Start date
Type in the name Simon Baron cohen
Just some thoughts on your situation.
You may need to redefine the parameters of what you consider "emotional reciprocity," in order to 1.) recognize his attempts at tenderness/emotional supportiveness, and 2.) be able to feel cared for, cared about.
ASD is an "invisible wheelchair" condition, a disability where our neurology impacts our ability to communicate, socialize, and relate to/engage with, others. Not seeing the invisible wheelchair, sometimes parents, and partners, feel slighted, dismissed, ignored, alone, rejected, etc. ..... while we struggle to express ourselves in a way those parents/partners will recognize as valid. This can leave us feeling isolated, unheard, misunderstood, and serially misjudged as being cold, uncaring, etc.
It can help many of us if our partners
1.) Learn to communicate important things through email. Many of us are challenged both in our expressive, as well as our receptive communication. (Auditory Processing Disorder)
2.) Get great friends to emotionally share deep stuff with. Vent! Laugh! Cry!
3.) Learn your Aspie/Autie's "love language." Whoa, talk about subtle!
For some of us, offering to fix your electronics, plant you a garden, make you a meal is a HUGE gesture of caring. For others of us..... just sharing space with someone for a time is a risky, tremendous show of deep caring, because some of us have so little "social energy" that being around just one person for long is not only painful, but debilitating.
How might you grow closer? We are all different. He might like you to share a relatively quiet activity, like a hike, walk in a park, museum visit. Doing a joint project, like building something, doing yard work, etc. can help build the bond.
Sharing about our special interests can deepen the connection.
How do you get your emotional needs met? Balance over expectation of neurotypical-style engagement. Hang with your pals and emotionally share. See if your mate enjoys communicating better through emails. E-x-p-a-n-d your concept of emotion-sharing to include very real, valid, autistic forms of engagement and communication, such as logical discussions, special interest sharing, and notice the subtle kindnesses.
This is, again, a social disability with an invisible wheelchair factor in effect. Recognize that his style of communication, engagement, and relating will be different. You will need to engage with, communicate with, and relate to your mate in a way that makes the relationship possible for him.
"Behavior is communication." Only by *not* judging his behavior through a standard neurotypical lens, but by viewing it through an autistic lens, can you understand what he is communicating to you.
"If you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism." But, we do share commonalities. To begin researching how autistics may communicate, what social needs may be, understand how we engage and relate, there are good autistic bloggers.
Amythest Schaber has a great YouTube channel.
Check out Ollibean by Googling, it is a site with many autistics blogging about autism.
Be sure to read blogs from actually autistic people, sharing real, lived experiences.
Best success in improved understanding and a deeper connection with your mate.
You may need to redefine the parameters of what you consider "emotional reciprocity," in order to 1.) recognize his attempts at tenderness/emotional supportiveness, and 2.) be able to feel cared for, cared about.
ASD is an "invisible wheelchair" condition, a disability where our neurology impacts our ability to communicate, socialize, and relate to/engage with, others. Not seeing the invisible wheelchair, sometimes parents, and partners, feel slighted, dismissed, ignored, alone, rejected, etc. ..... while we struggle to express ourselves in a way those parents/partners will recognize as valid. This can leave us feeling isolated, unheard, misunderstood, and serially misjudged as being cold, uncaring, etc.
It can help many of us if our partners
1.) Learn to communicate important things through email. Many of us are challenged both in our expressive, as well as our receptive communication. (Auditory Processing Disorder)
2.) Get great friends to emotionally share deep stuff with. Vent! Laugh! Cry!
3.) Learn your Aspie/Autie's "love language." Whoa, talk about subtle!
For some of us, offering to fix your electronics, plant you a garden, make you a meal is a HUGE gesture of caring. For others of us..... just sharing space with someone for a time is a risky, tremendous show of deep caring, because some of us have so little "social energy" that being around just one person for long is not only painful, but debilitating.How might you grow closer? We are all different. He might like you to share a relatively quiet activity, like a hike, walk in a park, museum visit. Doing a joint project, like building something, doing yard work, etc. can help build the bond.
Sharing about our special interests can deepen the connection.
How do you get your emotional needs met? Balance over expectation of neurotypical-style engagement. Hang with your pals and emotionally share. See if your mate enjoys communicating better through emails. E-x-p-a-n-d your concept of emotion-sharing to include very real, valid, autistic forms of engagement and communication, such as logical discussions, special interest sharing, and notice the subtle kindnesses.
This is, again, a social disability with an invisible wheelchair factor in effect. Recognize that his style of communication, engagement, and relating will be different. You will need to engage with, communicate with, and relate to your mate in a way that makes the relationship possible for him.
"Behavior is communication." Only by *not* judging his behavior through a standard neurotypical lens, but by viewing it through an autistic lens, can you understand what he is communicating to you.
"If you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism." But, we do share commonalities. To begin researching how autistics may communicate, what social needs may be, understand how we engage and relate, there are good autistic bloggers.
Amythest Schaber has a great YouTube channel.
Check out Ollibean by Googling, it is a site with many autistics blogging about autism.
Be sure to read blogs from actually autistic people, sharing real, lived experiences.
Best success in improved understanding and a deeper connection with your mate.
A good start. Welcome to AC MistyRavenWolf!
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