help/vent my therapist(2 year) repeatedly told me she doesn't think I'm on the spectrum

[Tcx]

it's 1:27am here and I'm tired, thus sorry for any scattered wording issues/mistakes.
and sorry if this post is long.
my background:
1. as far as I could recall, I've been called a "not normal" kid since I was 9-10 by my parents while one of them was a licensed internal doctor and the other was a elementary school teacher.
2. my junior high school homeroom teacher(when I was 12-15) called my mother several times regarding my weird behaviors, I witnesses their face-to-face conversation about my weirdness once when I was 15 at the 3rd building, homeroom teacher's office 1st floor.
3. when i was 15-16, my father brought me some printed papers/docs about Asperger's and I couldn't find those papers "not normal". My mother and I went to a psychiatrist specialized in autism/Asperger's and got a diagnosis with Asperger's AND emotional disturbance.
4. the same hospital offered FREE counselling. the first session was good. yet when my mother and I were about to go there the second time, my mother had a breakdown and I told her I didn't need it anymore that I was normal.
=fast forwards=
5. now I'm 25 years old and I've been in therapy for 2 years. My life still seems to be misery because of my own issues. I've been on med for MDD for 2 years also. My psychiatrist is specialized in ND children(ADHD and ASD e.g.). She told me she can see that "everyone" has their little part of ASD. I tried to understand it and my conclusion was that it's a general way to say something and had no deep meaning. She doesn't directly answer my question: do you think I *still* have Asperger's?
6. The therapist was recommended by the psychiatrist so I just accept it. The therapist is in her mid 50's. Currently the therapist and I were talking about some childhood trauma that happened in my junior high. And she suddenly burst into laugh and said "that" again: "Are you really sure you have Asperger's?" I was really sure the tone she used was mocking. Like, the literally mocking. But why? I then asked her why she laughed and she didn't give me an answer.
7. Then she asked if I had trouble understanding others' emotions or behaviors? I gave her a quick yes. I can sense them but I might not be able to interpret them. Then she jumped to bucket effects and said my weakness was social skill that I need to work on it...what the heck? I was already in a very bad mood(no exaggerating) since my distasteful memories were brought up...and time was up, 1 hour session was gone.

That left me relieved at first, then annoyed, upset, suspicious...etc.
After 2 years repeatedly being told that "you might not be on the spectrum", she finally provoked my doubt toward the diagnosis. And I'm in some existential crisis now i guess. 2 years ago I gave the therapist a complete list(I love making list, I still have that one I sent to her, if anyone want to see it just let me know) I found that I myself have those problem/issues. 2 years after she doubts my first diagnosis and deems it as a misdiagnosis along with something like "People with Asperger's won't do this, or that".
Her recent version of me is: a deeply bullied high school kid gave up on working on her emotional intelligence and sealed off herself 10 years + without meaningful interaction with others. and she is highly scared of "humans". also she doesn't know what to follow/do besides the law(that tells you you shouldn't do X or Y or Z).
However at this point I'm a mess. I don't know if this will be the last time I care about being Asperger's or not. But the next therapy session is going to be something extraordinary.

I'm not asking for an online diagnosis and after reading so many papers, i still don't understand what Asperger's means. i'm just a human, i'm so tired. i can be extremely oblivious but the sad part is no one ever helped me with that.
As you can see now im a mess. I'm not looking for affirmation or pity. I just...want to know that if someone is/was in similar situation, how do things sort out eventually?

 

[Gerontius]

Asperger's has different diagnostic criteria from random "high functioning autism." A lot of people expect all autistics in the higher-functioning range to be Asperger's patients and have that specific set of criteria.

Autism does not necessarily equal Asperger's and that's probably why it was removed from the diagnostic list in the U.S.

 

[VictorR]

I'm sorry to hear of your situation.

If I'm not mistaken, it sounds like your current therapist is generally dismissive of the concept of autism*, and worse, is not familiar with how autism presents itself in women and girls.

*Unfortunately, not unusual, especially for older ones who completed their training well before autism awareness started in the mid-late 1990s.

 

[Tcx]

I'm sorry to hear of your situation.

If I'm not mistaken, it sounds like your current therapist is generally dismissive of the concept of autism*, and worse, is not familiar with how autism presents itself in women and girls.

*Unfortunately, not unusual, especially for older ones who completed their training well before autism awareness started in the mid-late 1990s.

The thing is, she is supposedly to be the "boss/top" of the therapy hierarchy. She owns a clinic and hires some therapists. I was lucky since my psychiatrist referred me to her, not those therapists she hired. It's supposed to be even better because this therapist used to work in a large hospital for teens. From what my psychiatrist said, this therapist has abundant of experience working with teens(therefore, ND teens as well) when I tried to ask my psychiatrist if she can find me a better therapist.
My psychiatrist said something like "you already have the best therapist here in *my city*".
This therapist graduated from a top uni from the states(I forgot its name, she told me twice before) so her knowledge shouldn't be outdated.
What I'm trying to say is: my therapist good +no shortcoming +a professional. Someone that shouldn't be questioned but here I am, questioning both my 10 year ago diagnosis AND her judgement.
I'm gonna be bluntly honest with her from now on. 2 year of the therapy finally can have something new.

 

[ForestGumpett]

Hi; no expert here, but gosh she’s a piece of work. I’d walk on her, she’s a bully. Just my opinion.

Wish you the best, if you can afford it massages are better - I’m being serious, started getting massages and it improved how I felt mentally and physically.

 

[VictorR]

The thing is, she is supposedly to be the "boss/top" of the therapy hierarchy. She owns a clinic and hires some therapists. I was lucky since my psychiatrist referred me to her, not those therapists she hired. It's supposed to be even better because this therapist used to work in a large hospital for teens. From what my psychiatrist said, this therapist has abundant of experience working with teens(therefore, ND teens as well) when I tried to ask my psychiatrist if she can find me a better therapist.
My psychiatrist said something like "you already have the best therapist here in *my city*".
This therapist graduated from a top uni from the states(I forgot its name, she told me twice before) so her knowledge shouldn't be outdated.
What I'm trying to say is: my therapist good +no shortcoming +a professional. Someone that shouldn't be questioned but here I am, questioning both my 10 year ago diagnosis AND her judgement.
I'm gonna be bluntly honest with her from now on. 2 year of the therapy finally can have something new.

Even the best aren't perfect and can make mistakes.

Tony Attwood is one of the best known experts on Asperger's / Autism, but yet failed to recognize it in his own son.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I think the constellation of behaviors for people with ASD is not consistent. I show many traits, but lack others. The primary one that I struggled with was a profoundly delayed social development (with some "milestones" 5-sigma past the population mean!!!). Meanwhile I have learned to navigate some interactions normally. I wonder if your therapist does not recognize that inconsistency?

The only commonality I have seen are the struggles of people dealing with life in their own ways, with those struggles exacerbated by the different modes of thinking our minds impose upon us. I think I can learn from your experience to set expectations for the therapist I will be seeing in another month. I cannot see staying with any therapist that would minimize the struggles of anybody.

I wish you success on your journey.

 

[Nitro]

Asperger's has different diagnostic criteria from random "high functioning autism." A lot of people expect all autistics in the higher-functioning range to be Asperger's patients and have that specific set of criteria.

Autism does not necessarily equal Asperger's and that's probably why it was removed from the diagnostic list in the U.S.

Please go into detail so we can share your point of view.
Start by defining how Asperger's is different than high functioning autism and build from there.

 

[ForestGumpett]

Tony Attwood is one of the best known experts on Asperger's / Autism, but yet failed to recognize it in his own son.

I’ve watched him on youtube and think he’s pretty good. I believe he knows what he’s talking about.

I’ve gotten a lot of good and bad advice from different people on youtube - if you watch them with open eyes usually you can spot who is giving decent advice.

 

[Tcx]

I think the constellation of behaviors for people with ASD is not consistent. I show many traits, but lack others. The primary one that I struggled with was a profoundly delayed social development (with some "milestones" 5-sigma past the population mean!!!). Meanwhile I have learned to navigate some interactions normally. I wonder if your therapist does not recognize that inconsistency?

The only commonality I have seen are the struggles of people dealing with life in their own ways, with those struggles exacerbated by the different modes of thinking our minds impose upon us. I think I can learn from your experience to set expectations for the therapist I will be seeing in another month. I cannot see staying with any therapist that would minimize the struggles of anybody.

I wish you success on your journey.

Thank you for your words.

I didn't realize what she said might be minimizing/diminishing my struggle.
She really likes the idea of "everything happens with a reason" or something. After the story of junior high school bullying, she made a consequence from A(junior high being bullied) to B to C to D...to now(a miserable life). However that doesn't explain why I only had 1 friend in elementary school and stuff.

The only inconsistency I can recall is that she said I was fairly normal when I talked about the online game-MapleStory. It is my (not-so-special) interest and I have played it from '08 to '21. I even make 20+ pages of guides(I still have it and I can share it with you!) for its private server. AND of course I made quite a few friends in games but I always fail to keep friends which is normal to me.

 

[Tcx]

Just because someone is the top counselor at an office, doesn't mean they're not stupid. It just means they were rich enough to buy a building and hire other counselors.

Doctors can be idiots. Real big ignorant ones. Find another counselor.

My current therapist is the only available option for me for now. Same goes to my current psychiatrist. My psychiatrist is the only one that's known for treating ND in my city. I once asked the psychiatrist about changing to a more experienced (in ASD) therapist. The psychiatrist told me that my current therapist was already very experienced since she worked for a large hospital for 10ish years and had the clinic for a long time. The psychiatrist even referred to my current therapist as one of her "teachers".
Thanks for your comment. If I get accepted to a new university, I'll try to find a new therapist and a new psychiatrist.

 

[Amy Stone]

I once hired a top lawyer for advice on my kids and she basically told me my case was a lost cause and that I was a horrible person. I followed that advice for years because I thought she was a top lawyer and knew what she was talking about. Turns out she didn't. She must have been projecting her own thoughts and feelings because years later I won my court case in 2 different states, hands down.

In another situation my infant daughter was very sick on a weekend and I called and spoke with the pediatrician that was on call. This was at a very well regarded office. I asked if I needed to bring my baby into the hospital and she said absolutely not. I called 4 more times through the weekend explaining how emaciated and sick my baby was and she finally said "you will do more harm bringing her into the hospital and getting her on an IV than if you kept her at home and gave her fluids". I went against my gut instinct and listened to "the expert". Come Monday, I thought my baby was going to die and I brought her to her regular pedi. He immediately sent us to the hospital where she stayed for a week recovering from rotovirus. She was severely dehydrated and almost died...and almost had brain damage.

The point is: just because someone is an "expert" in their field doesn't mean they are an "expert".

 

[Kevin1968]

"Therapists" may not recognise autism.

Jump to 6:09

 

[OkRad]

Absurd they are still asking patients what they feel or the patient submits to a therapist ad-libbing when we now have fMRI that can predict autism with greater accuracy than a biased human. It's as absurd as a heart dr asking the patient what part of the heart was effected during a cardiac event. Obscene.

Just a few---there is way more data out there. They must be afraid of a landslide of dxes.

How Brain Scans Can Diagnose Autism With 97% Accuracy

A Personalized Autism Diagnosis CAD System Using a Fusion of Structural MRI and Resting-State Functional MRI Data

Researchers hope fMRI can eventually help diagnose autism

 

[Fino]

I don't trust credentials and awards.

 

[Jordy]

Even the best aren't perfect and can make mistakes.

Tony Attwood is one of the best known experts on Asperger's / Autism, but yet failed to recognize it in his own son.

I think he simply just never looked for it in his son.