TempeFan
Well-Known Member
This happened to me a lot. I'd be at work trying to do my job while my coworkers were hanging around my desk gossiping about something I knew nothing about and was not interested in, like who did what and who's cheating on who. They ask me who I think did it and get mad at me for ignoring them and then the supervisor gets up in my face, calls me antisocial and point blank demands I answer them, which I do, truthfully by saying, "I don't know. It wasn't me." Apparently, there is something Aspy about the way I say "not me", such as not the right eye contact, glancing in the wrong direction, not displaying the expected emotion, an unintentional intelligent stern or scary look on my face, etc. Next thing I know, I am fired because, as it turns out, unbeknownst to me, the supervisor was the guilty party and her guilty conscience caused her to misinterpret my stating the fact I hadn't done it as an accusation she had. I understand now that this is the inevitable consequence of working on the job instead of participating in the office grapevine. I'm glad to be retired out of that mess but now have a similar problem I need advice on quick.
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Right now I am stuck in a conversation with somebody who is beating himself up over making a big mistake that hurt someone he loves. Apparently, his guilty conscience kicked him in the behind after he heard me make a compassionate observation in response to someone else's question. Instead of attempting to correct his mistake and help his loved one deal with the consequences inflicted on her, he is making excuses and redirecting all his anger and frustration at an innocent bystander - me. It is obvious he is just trying to make himself feel better by blaming everyone else for the consequences of his actions/inactions, so I don't take his attack on me personally. If this person was just being a jerk, I could simply ignore him but this is a VIP making a very public cry for help and if I don't handle this situation just right, I may be expelled from a place I really want to stay.
What really concerns me is that this person's whole family, including an Aspy child, is hurting and needs our help. The dad is stuck being extremely judgmental and critical of himself and others which prevents him from applying any compassion or empathy or attempt at understanding toward his daughter. I have been listening very closely and open mindedly and objectively and understand their situation very clearly. He seems obsessed with the fallacy that his chosing the wrong solution is the problem, when there is no right or wrong answer to his particular dilemna. Either solution would have worked, if he had just followed through with the parenting. The real problem is the original one which has already escalated into violence. The consequeneces of his playing the blame game instead of concentrating on helping the child learn to develop better habits in dealing with her challenges is still making it worse for everybody.
How do I help him get unstuck? Before it is too late, he needs to understand that in his eagerness to help someone, he took the wrong advice from a professional quack and it backfired, and that he should forgive himself and start doing what he was trying to accomplish in the first place which is finding the best way to deal with his daughter's behavioral challenges. Making a decision to turn left or right at a crossroads doesn't get you to the final destination. You have to keep adjusting your course until you get where you are going or else you are just lost.
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Right now I am stuck in a conversation with somebody who is beating himself up over making a big mistake that hurt someone he loves. Apparently, his guilty conscience kicked him in the behind after he heard me make a compassionate observation in response to someone else's question. Instead of attempting to correct his mistake and help his loved one deal with the consequences inflicted on her, he is making excuses and redirecting all his anger and frustration at an innocent bystander - me. It is obvious he is just trying to make himself feel better by blaming everyone else for the consequences of his actions/inactions, so I don't take his attack on me personally. If this person was just being a jerk, I could simply ignore him but this is a VIP making a very public cry for help and if I don't handle this situation just right, I may be expelled from a place I really want to stay.
What really concerns me is that this person's whole family, including an Aspy child, is hurting and needs our help. The dad is stuck being extremely judgmental and critical of himself and others which prevents him from applying any compassion or empathy or attempt at understanding toward his daughter. I have been listening very closely and open mindedly and objectively and understand their situation very clearly. He seems obsessed with the fallacy that his chosing the wrong solution is the problem, when there is no right or wrong answer to his particular dilemna. Either solution would have worked, if he had just followed through with the parenting. The real problem is the original one which has already escalated into violence. The consequeneces of his playing the blame game instead of concentrating on helping the child learn to develop better habits in dealing with her challenges is still making it worse for everybody.
How do I help him get unstuck? Before it is too late, he needs to understand that in his eagerness to help someone, he took the wrong advice from a professional quack and it backfired, and that he should forgive himself and start doing what he was trying to accomplish in the first place which is finding the best way to deal with his daughter's behavioral challenges. Making a decision to turn left or right at a crossroads doesn't get you to the final destination. You have to keep adjusting your course until you get where you are going or else you are just lost.
