Hello

[FeatheryGoose]

Hi

I'm Matthew. I'm here as I'm having problems and I'm not sure whether they're serious or not and if there related to Autism or not.

I seem to have a lot of personality problems which date back to when I was about 9. I've also started hearing a lot of things in my head which I find comforting sometimes but also a little alarming.

As a person I think I'm alright.
But I worry mentally I'm some sort of monster.

Sorry for putting so much.

Hope you all have a good day

 

[Isadoorian]

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[Nitro]

Hi Matthew

 

[Bolletje]

Welcome!

 

[George Newman]

Welcome to Autismforums.com, Matthew.

Jump into the search function on this site. I am sure that you will find many postings regarding your topic.

Of course, none of them can take the place of seeking out a professional who can get to know you and work with you to put together a diagnosis, prognosis, and treatment recommendation.

Thank you for joining this community and sharing your great post.

May all be well with you.

 

[Wolfnox]

Hello. Know what you mean about the voices. Dont worry. Your still you and those voices. Just thoughts. They eventually go away. Oh and a really catchy song helps.

I reccomend this one.

 

[VAW]

Hi

I'm Matthew. I'm here as I'm having problems and I'm not sure whether they're serious or not and if there related to Autism or not.

I seem to have a lot of personality problems which date back to when I was about 9. I've also started hearing a lot of things in my head which I find comforting sometimes but also a little alarming.

As a person I think I'm alright.
But I worry mentally I'm some sort of monster.

Sorry for putting so much.

Hope you all have a good day

Welcome to the Forum Mathew, hope you find some answers to your questions or find some like people who can answer those things. You are not a monster!

 

[FeatheryGoose]

Thanks everyone, it's great to be here I'm looking forward to joining in with some of the conversations here.

Welcome to the Forum Mathew, hope you find some answers to your questions or find some like people who can answer those things. You are not a monster!

Thank you. That means a lot!

 

[FeatheryGoose]

Hello. Know what you mean about the voices. Dont worry. Your still you and those voices. Just thoughts. They eventually go away. Oh and a really catchy song helps.

I reccomend this one.

Thank you! I love this ^^
It actually did help a little.

 

[Thinx]

Hi Matthew, welcome. Lots of useful and interesting threads to read here, and you can make your own threads with any ideas or questions you have for others, or want to share. People are friendly here, and some will have experience of what you describe. I hope you enjoy it here.

 

[FeatheryGoose]

Hi Matthew, welcome. Lots of useful and interesting threads to read here, and you can make your own threads with any ideas or questions you have for others, or want to share. People are friendly here, and some will have experience of what you describe. I hope you enjoy it here.

Thank you for the welcome

Yes I will do that soon hopefully. I hope I'll enjoy it here as well. Really looking forward to meeting everyone.

Nice to meet you!

 

[VAW]

Thanks everyone, it's great to be here I'm looking forward to joining in with some of the conversations here.


Thank you. That means a lot!

I am not an aspie but my son is and I try to understand things better on this forum, it is funny that you said you felt like you could be a monster because I have heard my son say that he is a monster, and evil. I really don't understand that and when he says that I say you are not a monster and he says yes I am. It struck my interest hearing you say that and I was wondering why you feel that way? If you don't mind my asking?

 

[FeatheryGoose]

I am not an aspie but my son is and I try to understand things better on this forum, it is funny that you said you felt like you could be a monster because I have heard my son say that he is a monster, and evil. I really don't understand that and when he says that I say you are not a monster and he says yes I am. It struck my interest hearing you say that and I was wondering why you feel that way? If you don't mind my asking?

You sound like a great mother and your son is surely very lucky to have you in his life, such a wonderful person to look after him.
I'm sorry he has Autism. I imagine caring for someone with Autism must be very difficult. I know my parents used to struggle a lot to look after and care for me.

As for feeling like a monster. This is a way I've felt for the last five years or so. Like I said above I hear voices and sometimes I have strange and not so good thoughts, this has affected me badly for a long time and at times it cripples me.
The voices and thoughts can cause me to shift through personalities and altogether it just makes me feel like a heartless monster.

 

[VAW]

Thanks everyone, it's great to be here I'm looking forward to joining in with some of the conversations here.


Thank you. That means a lot!

I am not an aspie but my son is and I try to understand things better on this forum, it is funny that you said you felt like you could be a monster because I have heard my son say that he is a monster, and evil. I really don't understand that and when he says that I say you are not a monster and he says yes I am. It struck my interest hearing you say that and I was wondering why you feel that way? If you don't mind my asking?

You sound like a great mother and your son is surely very lucky to have you in his life, such a wonderful person to look after him.
I'm sorry he has Autism. I imagine caring for someone with Autism must be very difficult. I know my parents used to struggle a lot to look after and care for me.

As for feeling like a monster. This is a way I've felt for the last five years or so. Like I said above I hear voices and sometimes I have strange and not so good thoughts, this has affected me badly for a long time and at times it cripples me.
The voices and thoughts can cause me to shift through personalities and altogether it just makes me feel like a heartless monster.

I wonder if that is quite normal for an Aspie? Because it sounds a lot like my son..... Thank you for the wonderful compliment but I am afraid I wasn't always so understanding of this... We really didn't know he had Asperger's and he is super intelligent so I thought he was just being rude or mean or things when he was younger, now he is 31 and since he has other health issues several of his doctors thought he may have this and then we had him tested and he is considered high end which is to my knowledge just on the verge of it. Since I have been on this forum I think I have learned more than any other place because of people's comments. I have become understanding of it and try to help any way I can, I actually feel bad as a mother not knowing he had this, but not being able to express himself in general and I had 5 children so one on one time was almost never, but I should have used my time more productively and maybe I would have noticed. I never even heard of Asperger's until my daughter was reading on it a few years ago. A mentally abusive husband didn't help any as I think he just yelled at the kids most of the time so I had two things I did 1. try and keep him happy so he didn't yell at the kids or me 2. Use my time mostly cleaning and taking care of everything so he wouldn't yell again. I mean the kids were my life and we did a lot of things together but I think I was so afraid of them or me being yelled at all the time that I started wanting things perfect so it would all maybe run smooth....never worked anyway. How was your childhood? You sound like a wonderful person so I know you are not a monster even you may feel like it, and my son also he is not a monster either but he has almost all thoughts that I call dark.

 

[FeatheryGoose]

I am not an aspie but my son is and I try to understand things better on this forum, it is funny that you said you felt like you could be a monster because I have heard my son say that he is a monster, and evil. I really don't understand that and when he says that I say you are not a monster and he says yes I am. It struck my interest hearing you say that and I was wondering why you feel that way? If you don't mind my asking?

I wonder if that is quite normal for an Aspie? Because it sounds a lot like my son..... Thank you for the wonderful compliment but I am afraid I wasn't always so understanding of this... We really didn't know he had Asperger's and he is super intelligent so I thought he was just being rude or mean or things when he was younger, now he is 31 and since he has other health issues several of his doctors thought he may have this and then we had him tested and he is considered high end which is to my knowledge just on the verge of it. Since I have been on this forum I think I have learned more than any other place because of people's comments. I have become understanding of it and try to help any way I can, I actually feel bad as a mother not knowing he had this, but not being able to express himself in general and I had 5 children so one on one time was almost never, but I should have used my time more productively and maybe I would have noticed. I never even heard of Asperger's until my daughter was reading on it a few years ago. A mentally abusive husband didn't help any as I think he just yelled at the kids most of the time so I had two things I did 1. try and keep him happy so he didn't yell at the kids or me 2. Use my time mostly cleaning and taking care of everything so he wouldn't yell again. I mean the kids were my life and we did a lot of things together but I think I was so afraid of them or me being yelled at all the time that I started wanting things perfect so it would all maybe run smooth....never worked anyway. How was your childhood? You sound like a wonderful person so I know you are not a monster even you may feel like it, and my son also he is not a monster either but he has almost all thoughts that I call dark.

I don't think it is really a very easy thing for a parent to adjust to. Had I not been an Aspie and been in your shoes I probably would have reacted the same way. I think it's great that you're here, learning and understanding more and more over time. Not a lot is really known about it in the first place anyway so it's surprising what I have learnt over time as well. I've found that there is always something new to learn, whether that's a tip on how to deal with a certain problem or just a fact about it. It's great that such a fantastic community exists really where we can all give and get advice from those we know are in the same boat we are. It must be really hard for you and your family, and considering you used to get shouted at a lot I think you have done and still are doing really well If I was your son I would be really proud of you!

It's great that your son is intelligent and high functioning. When I was diagnosed back in 2011 I wasn't told if I was high or low functioning so I'm not really sure which one I am. I'm not really very intelligent but I do possess certain skills which I'm proud of.

It must have been a hard time for you and your children what with the mental abuse but I really do hope you still had a good time with them and made the best of it.

My childhood was a good one. I was always a quiet child and didn't mix with the other kids so had no friends, but my family was supportive of me so a lot of the time I felt that I didn't really need friends. My parents did have multiple health problems though so through my teens I witnessed them go through different situations which I did find traumatising and that affected me badly mentally.
Sadly my parents both passed away in 2016 and that is when most of my problems became more serious, such as the hearing voices and feeling and thinking bad thoughts.

I'm sorry your son also experiences the bad thoughts. Some of mine can be ok but others really do upset me and think of myself as a bad person. But at the same time no matter what I do, and I'm not sure if it's the same for you son? But I just can't seem to get rid of them.

 

[Streetwise]

Hi

I'm Matthew. I'm here as I'm having problems and I'm not sure whether they're serious or not and if there related to Autism or not.

I seem to have a lot of personality problems which date back to when I was about 9. I've also started hearing a lot of things in my head which I find comforting sometimes but also a little alarming.

As a person I think I'm alright.
But I worry mentally I'm some sort of monster.

Sorry for putting so much.

Hope you all have a good day

May I ask do the things in your head all sound like your own voice? I have the same problem at your age and it stopped after a few months, it appears to be very common for it happen at your age , a pastor prayed for me and it stopped,A psychiatrist at casualty said" if! it sounds like your own voice it's just your thoughts "!it's probably because you have a disorder !so your thoughts are disordered! I have panic disorder and I'm hypervigilant. From what I know, in my distant now very strange memory ,when both sexes are your age!, the mind appears to change, I don't know why, it's just something about your age.

 

[VAW]

I don't think it is really a very easy thing for a parent to adjust to. Had I not been an Aspie and been in your shoes I probably would have reacted the same way. I think it's great that you're here, learning and understanding more and more over time. Not a lot is really known about it in the first place anyway so it's surprising what I have learnt over time as well. I've found that there is always something new to learn, whether that's a tip on how to deal with a certain problem or just a fact about it. It's great that such a fantastic community exists really where we can all give and get advice from those we know are in the same boat we are. It must be really hard for you and your family, and considering you used to get shouted at a lot I think you have done and still are doing really well If I was your son I would be really proud of you!

It's great that your son is intelligent and high functioning. When I was diagnosed back in 2011 I wasn't told if I was high or low functioning so I'm not really sure which one I am. I'm not really very intelligent but I do possess certain skills which I'm proud of.

It must have been a hard time for you and your children what with the mental abuse but I really do hope you still had a good time with them and made the best of it.

My childhood was a good one. I was always a quiet child and didn't mix with the other kids so had no friends, but my family was supportive of me so a lot of the time I felt that I didn't really need friends. My parents did have multiple health problems though so through my teens I witnessed them go through different situations which I did find traumatising and that affected me badly mentally.
Sadly my parents both passed away in 2016 and that is when most of my problems became more serious, such as the hearing voices and feeling and thinking bad thoughts.

I'm sorry your son also experiences the bad thoughts. Some of mine can be ok but others really do upset me and think of myself as a bad person. But at the same time no matter what I do, and I'm not sure if it's the same for you son? But I just can't seem to get rid of them.

You are so sweet! And understanding! I think had I known sooner about my son's condition I could have helped much sooner, but I can't dwell there, doesn't help any now.
I am wondering if the things in your head are because Aspie's brains are wired differently. Because you's don't process things the same way, maybe those thoughts become more vivid and loud in your head? What I yet can't understand is why things are always on the dark side? I mean everyone has dark thoughts at times but why are Aspies dark most of the time? You do sound like a wonderful person though, and my son can make us all laugh, I remember when I left his dad I had to go to work and I counted on my son to watch his little brother, I didn't get any child support because my ex was very threatening about it so we didn't have much and had to live in the tenements for a while on the 3rd floor, my youngest was only 8 or 9 and I would see my Aspie son on the balcony watching over him. I wasn't aware of what HE was going through himself. I was also thinking because my son's dad was so mentally abusive that maybe Aspies held certain feelings because of that but sounded like your parents were good to you.

I am sorry your parents are no longer with you, so are you by yourself then? Do you have other family members in your life like brothers or sisters, aunts or uncles? Are you alone most of the time? I ask because I was never alone most of my life, at one time my kids were at their dads and I lived 18 hours away, so I was alone for about a month and I started to have these dreams where I would see spirit people walking around me, freaked me out and I was wondering why all of a sudden when I go to sleep It is always there with the dream of everything the way it was, like I was in my house sleeping on the couch for real and in my dream too. I would hear voices thru the regular sounds of the house, like when the heater kicked in or something I would make voices from the sounds I heard it do. not real voices but kinda make words out of the regular house noises. so I would have either the radio going all the time or the t.v. on so I didn't make the sounds into something scary. Maybe would that work for you? The brain can do funny things, and being wired differently can mean maybe it is done on a higher degree?

 

[Streetwise]

Hi

I'm Matthew. I'm here as I'm having problems and I'm not sure whether they're serious or not and if there related to Autism or not.

I seem to have a lot of personality problems which date back to when I was about 9. I've also started hearing a lot of things in my head which I find comforting sometimes but also a little alarming.

As a person I think I'm alright.
But I worry mentally I'm some sort of monster.

Sorry for putting so much.

Hope you all have a good day