I am 52 years old, and I tripped over HFA a few days ago while surfing for a real island of misfit toys to live on. Felt the click in my head that usually indicates truth, and then mostly just felt a rush of relief that there are others struggling in the same way that I have all my life. Aware of the perils of self-diagnosis I was skeptical, but then I read enough to realize that even if I’m wrong these are my people.
My story is that I was diagnosed with depression by a well-meaning quack a few years back. After trying several meds we finally settled on one that I could tolerate and I took it for a year, but instead of bettering my head it made me apathetic and I couldn’t perform well at work on it. So then I went back to my old standby (alcohol) but that left me angry and overweight and ultimately vomiting daily (sorry).
Ended up divorced and then laid off. Managed to save a little before the crash and have been walking the apartment floor in agonizing introspection ever since. After tearing it all down I concluded that I’m just not that great of a person. Not evil or anything and basically ok with myself, but totally that weird kid and that oddball in the meeting saying things that made others blink. Maybe this is part of why.
I made it a goal to drop the weight this year and did so through ritual calorie counting. That was a rare positive since it was a measurable goal that was solely within my power to achieve and I did so. I then considered looking for another job and “getting back in the game” but I honestly can’t bear the thought of all the awkward interaction fails and subsequent inside and outside criticism that would result.
Time for another walk. Thanks for reading.
My story is that I was diagnosed with depression by a well-meaning quack a few years back. After trying several meds we finally settled on one that I could tolerate and I took it for a year, but instead of bettering my head it made me apathetic and I couldn’t perform well at work on it. So then I went back to my old standby (alcohol) but that left me angry and overweight and ultimately vomiting daily (sorry).
Ended up divorced and then laid off. Managed to save a little before the crash and have been walking the apartment floor in agonizing introspection ever since. After tearing it all down I concluded that I’m just not that great of a person. Not evil or anything and basically ok with myself, but totally that weird kid and that oddball in the meeting saying things that made others blink. Maybe this is part of why.
I made it a goal to drop the weight this year and did so through ritual calorie counting. That was a rare positive since it was a measurable goal that was solely within my power to achieve and I did so. I then considered looking for another job and “getting back in the game” but I honestly can’t bear the thought of all the awkward interaction fails and subsequent inside and outside criticism that would result.
Time for another walk. Thanks for reading.
