Hello (partially in crisis)

[I am that which I am]

Hello,

I guess I am a new member. I was never officially diagnosed as having Aspergers/HFA but they did try when I was young. However, because my parents blamed me, beat me, berated me, and my mother indirectly berated me by berating my father and telling me I was going to end up just like him I faked the test and began practicing the skill of test reading which I sometimes do to get certain results. Then I learned I had to be "normal" to survive (7-18) until I pulled myself out completely from the very abusive and difficult situation I was born in. Now I am slowly coming out of that survival mode. This has made it exceptionally difficult for any psychiatrist to diagnose me, at least some admit I have an unclear diagnosis (chronic dysphoria, depression, anxiety, perhaps personality disorders and Aspergers??). My only cousin on my father's side has Aspergers, my son has Aspergers, and my father shows several Asperger-like behaviours but was never diagnosed as it was not diagnosable in his time.

I did sign up on wrongplanet but other than the typical hellos and my trying to respond to others and make friends they just seem to ignore me, no offense to anyone over there. My approach is probably wrong.

I am looking for friends (I do not have any). Anyone here from Ottawa? And sorry in advance if you dislike my babbling about my personal relationship issues. I just came out of a very destructive but at the same time deep emotional relationship with someone. I had made some progress in those regards, but this person decided to contact me and ask that we get back together again last week. My therapist says it is a bad idea and that he is not better and likely has borderline personality disorder but at least I got him to seek treatment. The hard part is that I still care about him and love him and always will despite all of the wrong things he has done to me.

 

[King_Oni]

Hi and welcome to Aspiescentral.

I hope you'll find what you're looking for here though. We have a few Canadians on here, not sure if any are from the Ottawa area though.

 

[Vanilla]

Welcome

I'm sorry to hear about your rough upbringing; it sounds like you've had to endure of sorts of hell. I'm glad to hear that you've been able to escape from that life; and hope things will only get better for you.

As for your ex; it sounds like you've spent much of your time, and energy, possibly being there for them; perhaps it's time to be there for yourself now instead.

 

[I am that which I am]

Thanks for the replies. Yes I am trying to let go of my ex, but it is difficult because I still love him and feel that I always will. I do not know how to accept that I can love someone and not be with them. We did have a very strong emotional connection from the start and I still have nightmares about him. Those had been getting better, but then I had a really strong nightmare and urge to contact him or see what he is up to, just before he contacted me again. In that sense it seems that we are linked by other "supernatural" means. We would often refer to each other as soul-mates. Note that I did not believe in those things until I met him. I am the type of person to feel emotions (or at least be able to identify them) through music and several songs that were associated with him just keep playing over and over in my head now. I could not sleep last night. I had not heard from him in two months, but just him contacting me sent me back 3 months in the therapy I started as of last summer. We tried several times to make the relationship work (after breaks) but we eventually just hurt each other. I like the analogy that we are two black holes, like two black holes we eventually begin to violently rip each other apart and eventually could merge into one. In a perfect world we would be better and therapy would have alleviated many of our issues so we can have a happy life. This will probably never happen. In a way it is similar to the film version of Madama Butterfly (except for the end). They are both manipulative and conniving, ruining each other's lives but in a way still love each other to the very end despite being forced to separate.

 

[Vanilla]

Thanks for the replies. Yes I am trying to let go of my ex, but it is difficult because I still love him and feel that I always will. I do not know how to accept that I can love someone and not be with them. We did have a very strong emotional connection from the start and I still have nightmares about him. Those had been getting better, but then I had a really strong nightmare and urge to contact him or see what he is up to, just before he contacted me again. In that sense it seems that we are linked by other "supernatural" means. We would often refer to each other as soul-mates. Note that I did not believe in those things until I met him. I am the type of person to feel emotions (or at least be able to identify them) through music and several songs that were associated with him just keep playing over and over in my head now. I could not sleep last night. I had not heard from him in two months, but just him contacting me sent me back 3 months in the therapy I started as of last summer. We tried several times to make the relationship work (after breaks) but we eventually just hurt each other. I like the analogy that we are two black holes, like two black holes we eventually begin to violently rip each other apart and eventually could merge into one. In a perfect world we would be better and therapy would have alleviated many of our issues so we can have a happy life. This will probably never happen. In a way it is similar to the film version of Madama Butterfly (except for the end). They are both manipulative and conniving, ruining each other's lives but in a way still love each other to the very end despite being forced to separate.

I'm sorry to say, that I know exactly what you mean. I never thought I could ever move on similarly in the past, but much time has past now, and I have done much to keep myself occupied. Stay strong; as much as we don't want to hear it, time does heal.

 

[Ereth]

Hi! I promise you that your "approach" is definitely not wrong. I obviously can't speak for anybody over at WrongPlanet, but you won't be ignored here. You've been through a lot and that might scare some people, but I'm sure you have many valuable contributions to make. Welcome.

 

[Peace]

Thanks for the replies. Yes I am trying to let go of my ex, but it is difficult because I still love him and feel that I always will. I do not know how to accept that I can love someone and not be with them. We did have a very strong emotional connection from the start and I still have nightmares about him. Those had been getting better, but then I had a really strong nightmare and urge to contact him or see what he is up to, just before he contacted me again. In that sense it seems that we are linked by other "supernatural" means. We would often refer to each other as soul-mates. Note that I did not believe in those things until I met him. I am the type of person to feel emotions (or at least be able to identify them) through music and several songs that were associated with him just keep playing over and over in my head now. I could not sleep last night. I had not heard from him in two months, but just him contacting me sent me back 3 months in the therapy I started as of last summer. We tried several times to make the relationship work (after breaks) but we eventually just hurt each other. I like the analogy that we are two black holes, like two black holes we eventually begin to violently rip each other apart and eventually could merge into one. In a perfect world we would be better and therapy would have alleviated many of our issues so we can have a happy life. This will probably never happen. In a way it is similar to the film version of Madama Butterfly (except for the end). They are both manipulative and conniving, ruining each other's lives but in a way still love each other to the very end despite being forced to separate.

That which I am,
I have come to look at life in this way, Look ahead to what it is that you want. If it is peace and happiness, it does not sound as though adding your ex to the equation is a formula for success. There is more than one person out there for each of us. It has also been my experience that "Things Change, People Don't". You must have the strength to walk the path that is right for you, however lonely it may seem at first. All things change.
Good luck to you my friend, and remember: "The Cave You Fear To Enter, Often Holds The Secret You Are Searching For".

 

[I am that which I am]

Thanks, I am trying to just look ahead, but I do not know how to get over this relationship. It reaches deep into my heart and soul to the very essence of my being. I have never felt anything remotely similar before. Only time will tell. Perhaps I will delude myself with the hope that he will get better, despite the fact that BDP is very hard to treat, for years until I can no longer hang on to this hope. Perhaps I will resign to a love that is not as deep and eventually stop dreaming of what could have been. Only time will tell. Until then I can at least objectively look at myself and say I am a hopeless romantic.

 

[Peace]

Thanks, I am trying to just look ahead, but I do not know how to get over this relationship. It reaches deep into my heart and soul to the very essence of my being. I have never felt anything remotely similar before. Only time will tell. Perhaps I will delude myself with the hope that he will get better, despite the fact that BDP is very hard to treat, for years until I can no longer hang on to this hope. Perhaps I will resign to a love that is not as deep and eventually stop dreaming of what could have been. Only time will tell. Until then I can at least objectively look at myself and say I am a hopeless romantic.

I have always described myself that way. Ther end of every day is the beginning of another. You choose weather to see an end, or a beginning.

 

[I am that which I am]

I'm sorry to say, that I know exactly what you mean.

I usually do not ask enough questions or ask them really awkwardly: Feel free to share if you are comfortable?

 

[Peace]

I usually do not ask enough questions or ask them really awkwardly: Feel free to share if you are comfortable?

I am perfectly comfortable, but I am not good at guessing what others want. You see, I have Aspergers and it prevents me from seeing the obvious in social situations. Please feel free to ask anything you desire to know. I will be as happy to share with you as I will to be your friend.
Have a Great day!

 

[Turk]

Hi I am, and welcome,
As you can see no one gets ignored here, and everyone has a vested interest, in helping each other. In terms of your ex, its important to remember, although we can do much to hurt others, through our condition, we can be equally damaged, by the wrong people in our lives.
Cheer
Turk

 

[Warwick C]

Hello,

I guess I am a new member. I was never officially diagnosed as having Aspergers/HFA but they did try when I was young. However, because my parents blamed me, beat me, berated me, and my mother indirectly berated me by berating my father and telling me I was going to end up just like him I faked the test and began practicing the skill of test reading which I sometimes still do for shits and giggles to get certain results. Then I learned I had to be "normal" to survive (7-18) until I pulled myself out completely from the very abusive and difficult situation I was born in. Now I am slowly coming out of that survival mode. This has made it exceptionally difficult for any psychiatrist to diagnose me, at least some admit I have an unclear diagnosis (chronic dysphoria, depression, anxiety, perhaps personality disorders and Aspergers??). My only cousin on my father's side has Aspergers, my son has Aspergers, and my father shows several Asperger-like behaviours but was never diagnosed as it was not diagnosable in his time.

I did sign up on wrongplanet but other than the typical hellos and my trying to respond to others and make friends they just seem to ignore me, no offense to anyone over there. My approach is probably wrong.

I am looking for friends (I do not have any). Anyone here from Ottawa? And sorry in advance if you dislike my babbling about my personal relationship issues. I just came out of a very destructive but at the same time deep emotional relationship with someone. I had made some progress in those regards, but this person decided to contact me and ask that we get back together again last week. My therapist says it is a bad idea and that he is not better and likely has borderline personality disorder but at least I got him to seek treatment. The hard part is that I still care about him and love him and always will despite all of the wrong things he has done to me.

Welcome to aspie central, you will find that this is a more friendly forum. As we are more of a support group than W.P.

 

[Salmongirl17]

Welcome!!

Yes, a lot of people here have tried wrongplanet and said it was not that friendly. It is just the opposite here though!

 

[I am that which I am]

Hello,
Yes it does seem quite different here and more friendly. Thank you for listening and helping. I do not feel alone anymore with no one to talk to about these issues. It makes me feel much better.

 

[rollerskate]

I have had a very rough childhood/past too. I can totally understand the nightmare the mental health system can be for folks like us. I've been diagnosed with almost everything in the book at some point or another, and finding therapy is very hard because most therapists aren't prepared to deal with the variety or severity of abuse in my past. Then there's the realization that so much of it has just been because of Aspergers I.E. getting blamed for the symptoms.

Something that had helped me if you haven't done it already is to purge everything you have that reminds you of him. Pictures, gifts, movies, music, etc. If you're a bit on the spiritual side in regards to your relationship with him you may benefit from researching "soul ties" and following the recommendations on how to sever them.

Welcome to AC. It is great to see someone with so much in common with me life experience wise here.

 

[I am that which I am]

I have had a very rough childhood/past too. I can totally understand the nightmare the mental health system can be for folks like us. I've been diagnosed with almost everything in the book at some point or another, and finding therapy is very hard because most therapists aren't prepared to deal with the variety or severity of abuse in my past. Then there's the realization that so much of it has just been because of Aspergers I.E. getting blamed for the symptoms.

Something that had helped me if you haven't done it already is to purge everything you have that reminds you of him. Pictures, gifts, movies, music, etc. If you're a bit on the spiritual side in regards to your relationship with him you may benefit from researching "soul ties" and following the recommendations on how to sever them.

Welcome to AC. It is great to see someone with so much in common with me life experience wise here.

I guess my dealings with the mental health system are more recent, but I studied in it. I went there after my last dish attempt didn't work, I came close to suicide several times, and I checked both myself and my ex in. My ex was suicidal and not talking to me anymore and was having a severe (maybe psychotic) episode. I did not find it particularly useful though. I guess I try to deal with the present in therapy and have not even entered the realms of the past yet. I partially accepted the past, but it will always be there and still haunts me from time to time. What I found helped was when I wrote about it and started writing a fictional book that actually described some of what happened. Well it is not our fault we were born that way, but I guess we do have to learn to deal with them.

I talked to my therapist about it a bit as well, which was oddly much less helpful than here, and agreed that I would give him a week. I am not allowed to talk to him (long story) unless he signs a piece of paper saying its ok. He has not done that in 2 months but wants contact (figures). Now he is asking if I want to talk to him (I cannot talk to you damn-it) so if he gets his head out of his ass I might see him again just to tell him goodbye or I do not know. If not then I should get rid of all the things that are from him. What is really unfortunate is that I feel in music and associated a lot of music I really like with him, so it is hard to get rid of the music and hard to listen to it sometimes as well. That and I do not know if that is the appropriate response either. I noted that sometimes I devaluate (its a word now) my past partners to get over them, but it seems like the wrong approach. I realized that I still "love" some aspects of another ex with whom I have a child and still see, but would never go out with her again. I likely did just as many things that I regret as he did, but I actually take responsibility for them. Our relationship did end up being very much on the spiritual side, which was a first. I did not intend it as I do not believe in things like that. We seem to have this deep emotional connection and spiritual one I never expected.

Thanks for the help

 

[Antonio]

Hi, and welcome aboard, although very belatedly
I'm from Ottawa too. I haven't been very active on here but lately I'm getting back into a phase of feeling lonely and isolated so I'll probably be on here more.

 

[Randomperson]

Hello, I am also the product of parents that honestly should have just never had children since all they found their children to be useful for was punching bags and screaming targets.

We need to get licensed to drive, yet they let any 2 morons breed at will?

 

[I am that which I am]

Hello thanks. Yes I found this is a great place to come to when feeling alone or isolated.

Unfortunately, it is quite easy to breed for anyone and anything and has been for millions of years...