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Hello! I am so glad to be here : )

AbbyRMB

Active Member
Hello all, my name is Abby and I'm in my mid-40's. I'm self-diagnosed ASD1 (scoring pretty high on the scale, seems outwardly very obvious to me) and have done tons of reading so that I can begin to learn how to modify my world so that I can better interact with it.

Ever since I was a child, I knew I was "different" than others and essentially learned to mask in order to fit in. I struggled inwardly and felt very "other-ed" in my family and friend groups - this lead to a lot of anxiety and insecurity. Thanks to my masking skills, one wouldn't know it if you know me in the short-term or surface, but long term becomes so challenging when the social skills are lacking. It has lead to loads of problems in my personal life. Although I battle mental health issues as well (trauma from a life-threatening incident I was in) I have been working toward finding "the whole onion" that is giving me all these additional layers. I knew there was something much larger in scope *behind* my more situational anxiety.

I have committed to being a happy ASD1 instead of an anxiety-riddled, hesitant, and quivering pseudo-neurotypical - in short, the mask is coming off. So, it's a bit scary but I know that I'm not alone. I appreciate communities for that reason, and I am very honored to be setting foot in this forum. I will be reading and absorbing info like a sponge so for that I say thank you in advance - haha!

My special areas of interest are musical history (such as learning everything there is to know about my favorite musicians, instruments, cultural backgrounds of each) and music theory (the mathematics of music). I can tell you everything there is to know about Carmen Miranda and Roy Orbison but I have no idea how to have a non-awkward phone conversation that doesn't leave me in tatters. I play several instruments as well as sing. I am always learning and this year I have endeavored to learn American Sign Language (I also speak Spanish and Brazilian Portuguese).

I'm happy to be here. : ) I hope everyone is having a wonderful day and a great start to the brand New Year.
 
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Welcome @AbbyRMB . Your story sounds so very typical. I did not realize that I was ASD until my diagnosis at age 60. From the 1950s through 70s few diagnoses were made if one was not severe. I do not know what masking was as I made little attempt to act in a social manner that I never could understand. Plus I don't think that I was even approaching any level of social maturity until after age 25. But it was a curse to be observant, seeing my peers progress into relationships and more, which was beyond me. When the pain became too great I started rebuilding myself and was somewhat successful at that, though I never thought of it as masking because I began liking myself. Mainly what happened was I lost my fear of social situations and new experiences.

Nice that you enjoy music. It adds so much to life. I enjoy Scruggs style Banjo and recently picked up a book of tablature for the album The Crow. I'm practicing the piece, Tin Roof, which I enjoy greatly.
 
Welcome Abby,

You strike me as an interesting person that should fit in well here, should you choose to do so.

I did not have an inkling that I was anything other than an alien from another planet, who had lost their memory, when I was growing up. I never even had the word autism associated with me until I was into my mid forties. Diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, I wound up re-examining my life until then after reading up on what High Functioning Autism was.

What I realized was that I had been masking from around 5 or 6. Over the years, I developed a personality that interacted with family, one that interacted at school, one for new people, and later one for work. All of these were under the control of my true self, though I am not sure I have completely isolated the purest components of that self yet. In regard to that, I do not give up easily, though it takes much, much longer than it would for one more organized than myself.

I hope you decide to bless us with your presence on a regular basis.
 
My special areas of interest are musical history (such as learning everything there is to know about my favorite musicians, instruments, cultural backgrounds of each) and music theory (the mathematics of music). I can tell you everything there is to know about Carmen Miranda and Roy Orbison but I have no idea how to have a non-awkward phone conversation that doesn't leave me in tatters. I play several instruments as well as sing.
Welcome Abby, I love the mathematics of music too, when I learnt jazz theory it all made so much sense. I play guitar, irish bouzouki, harmonica and some piano. I love The Big O and play a few of his songs. Nice to meet you.
 
Thanks so much, I appreciate it. Thanks for posting about the Music and Trivia thread - yep, that definitely works for me!!
 
Hi and welcome, it's good that you are here. I hope it will be useful and developmental for you too.

:deciduous::crocodile::herb::dragonface::cactus::palmtree::evergreen::seedling::fourleaf:
 

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