Hello from Lostville....

[channelingpatience]

I have a five year old son - bright in unbelievable ways, but at times not with the world...I am struggling to get school to "see" him as more than a kid with ADHD, which I am not sure he has. I know that his future is bright but it seems so hard to thwart the self image damage coming down the pike in this process to help him to be understood. How do parents help their kids make and keep friends? Help to educate teachers and other family? It seems so hard at the moment. He needs OT in school but is "academically in tact" so does not qualify. We have a pending neuropsych visit scheduled but this person is not an Autism specialist by far and the school all but told us that an ADHD label is all he could get that would qualify him for services - OT as a related service included. I'm a special educator....why do I feel so lost?
This might be a dumb question but how varied are the days of someone with Aspergers - are some days waay off and others just a touch off? All transitions and unexpected events are VERY HARD...social interactions are ALWAYS HARD and I am one of the only people that "gets" my son all of the time. Other kids cannot understand why he is upset with the play even if he is explaining how he feels because he has these crazy rules and parameters he sets on what is happening that other kids just do organically and with more flexibility. But some days he looks at me most of the day and "sees" or connects with me. Sometimes he has empathy. He can consider how something he said or did hurt someone, even if he sees his comments or actions as justified.
I never wore this hat as a parent and I am now blind to all of my clinical experience. I am lost and so is he. I want so much for him to be confident kiddo and for me and my husband to know how to support him without disagreeing. So many questions....

 

[Nitro]

 

[tree]

 

[xudo]

Welcome

 

[kay]

Hello. Yeah, some days are harder than others. There are days I almost think my aspergers diagnosis was a mistake and get through stuff ok and then the next I end up in tears after just a few quick errands. Sometimes just one quick errand. Just depends. My eye contact is generally bad but that can vary, too. Who and where make a lot of difference.

As for empathy, there is some evidence that autistics have more empathy than NTs. I think that might be a stretch but I certainly don't see any reason to expect empathy at any unusual level one way or the other. Showing it may be a different matter. And I personally can be a bit slow about it. Just a few extra minutes sometimes to process everything.

Hope you have good luck getting everything figured out.

 

[Azul-Infinito]

I dont know if services are even what he needs? As i child i was put in both the gifted class and the special needs class in different years, they could not figure me out. Niether did much good (no offense to special ed teachers). The only thing they accomplished doing was making me feel like i was broken and had to go to some special class to be fixed or something. I feel like the other kids judged it too. It was not pleasent experience. I was also diagnosed incorrectly with ADHD but HYPO-active not hyper. WHatever the heck that is.

I dont know if an earlier diagnosis would have helped me, or in retrospect, what would have? Maybe What could have helped me as a child is probably more time to process, encouragement to grow, being allowed to transition slowly, a safe cozy place to play and be a rigid as i wanted to and to clear my head. Lots of support to try diffferent things that interested me would have been great. And maybe some empathy that socializing is more draining for me than other kids. Lots of love and support and motivational encouragement is always a good recipe for any child. Encourage special or obsessive interests, They will help shape him and give his mind something to focus on, and give him confidence.


I think the lack of empathy thing is not understood, especially by psychological professionals, and i think the channels between "theory of mind" and empathy get crossed. I dont know if you know what the theory of mind idea is, but the sally-Anne test explains this well . I also think this can go to either extreme in autism.I would say that some have extreme sides of the empathy spectrum. Some with too much and some none. But that is just opinion. I get overwhelmed with empathy in a way. Like my nervous system is just wound way to tight , and i can feel everything too much, so i just often avoid social interactions because they are overwhelming.

Best

 

[Elemental]

Hello @channelingpatience Welcome to our community I don't know a whole load about ADHD; One or two people I have met with that diagnosis seemed to me to have other, associative ASD-stuff manifest too but there is often overlap with these things it seems.

Spectrum people use up a lot of available energy on things & situations that non-affected people don't & days can certainly be variable. You are in a good place to find answers as there are lots of resources available.

Some people with ADHD affected children advocate a gluten & dairy reduced / free diet which can sometimes help reduce some symptoms arising from spectrum conditions.

Read & research & relax on here would be my advice; Your son is very young & if he / you learn & understand about possible situation or sense-based triggers & concerns & how to manage them you will surely get progress.

There are a lot of books available including some written by children for parents & peers, which are recommended. I got this one recently & there are 2 more in the series which could be easily read aloud or together
All Dogs Have ADHD