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SugarPlumFairy

New Member
Hey hey,

I'm still a bit unsure whether I really belong here, but I thought maybe this would be a good place to meet people who share similar experiences.

I'm not diagnosed with anything except depression (who isn't?), but I have a growing suspicion that I might be on the spectrum. I never thought that this would be an option until I came across a website that describes typical characteristics of women and girls with Asperger's. This was a huge shock for me because I could identify myself with everything I read. I don't want to bore anyone, so I just want to give some examples of what I think is most significant:

(1) "Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions, and over-interest in subjects"
YES!! Anything related to Japanese culture, Japanese/Chinese characters, language learning, phonetics, morphology (everything that is "technical" and structured vs. intuitive), ballet, succulents, the list goes on... My obsessions with things defines my life to the point that I constantly annoy my friends and family members because my world revolves around nothing else. When I start getting interested in a new subject, I absorb every bit of information I get like a sponge, even if I actually have other things to do. So, there is an extreme imbalance in things I'm good at or I know much about and things I have no clue about at all. I often feel guilty about it but still can't stop. When other people want to tell me about their lives, their emotions and daily experiences, I find it incredibly difficult to invest the same amount of energy in it (which makes me feel even more guilty).

(2) "Obsessively collects and organizes objects + Escapes through counting, categorizing, organizing, rearranging"

There was a time I needed to constantly overthink and write down every food item I own, when I will prepare and cook it, how many calories ot contains etc. It sometimes gave me headaches and stole my sleep. Today, I'm a bit more relaxed but I still need to regularly create list of what I own and declutter to reduce the stress it causes. Needless to say that I absolutely despise having to share my things with others because it simply ruins my system. Others must think I'm just egoistic.

(3) "Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, or leave the house + One visitor at the home may be perceived as a threat"

I currently live in a shared flat for financial reasons, and even though my flatmates are decent people, it's hell on earth for me. Especially, when my flatmates have their friends come over, I wish I could just run away to some isolate village on the North Pole (wide open nature brings me great relief). But I can't tell them to not have their friends there, so I just accept it and suffer in silence. I count every singly day I have to stay in this situation until I will finally finish my studies be allowed to live alone. I hate being around people my age, especially students. I hate their mindless small talk, their music, their constant noisiness, the chaos and dirt after a party. Once I had to work in a group and just realised later that I couldn't remember any of the names or faces of my group members, so when we met the next time, I didn't know where I belonged. I do have friends but they're usually either older or much younger than me, or are on the spectrum themselves.

(4) "Sense of pending danger or doom and feelings of polar extremes"
Every-single-day. When I forst got hospitalsed at the age of 14, they suspected I had BPD but never diagnosed it.

There are many more things but I don't know how interesting this will be to anyone else. All in all, there's just this feeling of being awkward that has always accompanied me. Also the feeling of having no stable sense of self. I feel like I can be everyone and no one. I just take on the characteristics of my environment. Nevertheless, I'm always wrong.

I'd be happy if I could meet people here, who feel the same. Maybe, I'll have the courage once to talk to a therapist about this. Right now, however, I'm too afraid that I will come of as a faker because I'm too "normal" to actually be on the spectrum.
 
Hey hey,

I'm still a bit unsure whether I really belong here, but I thought maybe this would be a good place to meet people who share similar experiences.

I'm not diagnosed with anything except depression (who isn't?), but I have a growing suspicion that I might be on the spectrum. I never thought that this would be an option until I came across a website that describes typical characteristics of women and girls with Asperger's. This was a huge shock for me because I could identify myself with everything I read. I don't want to bore anyone, so I just want to give some examples of what I think is most significant:

(1) "Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions, and over-interest in subjects"
YES!! Anything related to Japanese culture, Japanese/Chinese characters, language learning, phonetics, morphology (everything that is "technical" and structured vs. intuitive), ballet, succulents, the list goes on... My obsessions with things defines my life to the point that I constantly annoy my friends and family members because my world revolves around nothing else. When I start getting interested in a new subject, I absorb every bit of information I get like a sponge, even if I actually have other things to do. So, there is an extreme imbalance in things I'm good at or I know much about and things I have no clue about at all. I often feel guilty about it but still can't stop. When other people want to tell me about their lives, their emotions and daily experiences, I find it incredibly difficult to invest the same amount of energy in it (which makes me feel even more guilty).

(2) "Obsessively collects and organizes objects + Escapes through counting, categorizing, organizing, rearranging"

There was a time I needed to constantly overthink and write down every food item I own, when I will prepare and cook it, how many calories ot contains etc. It sometimes gave me headaches and stole my sleep. Today, I'm a bit more relaxed but I still need to regularly create list of what I own and declutter to reduce the stress it causes. Needless to say that I absolutely despise having to share my things with others because it simply ruins my system. Others must think I'm just egoistic.

(3) "Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, or leave the house + One visitor at the home may be perceived as a threat"

I currently live in a shared flat for financial reasons, and even though my flatmates are decent people, it's hell on earth for me. Especially, when my flatmates have their friends come over, I wish I could just run away to some isolate village on the North Pole (wide open nature brings me great relief). But I can't tell them to not have their friends there, so I just accept it and suffer in silence. I count every singly day I have to stay in this situation until I will finally finish my studies be allowed to live alone. I hate being around people my age, especially students. I hate their mindless small talk, their music, their constant noisiness, the chaos and dirt after a party. Once I had to work in a group and just realised later that I couldn't remember any of the names or faces of my group members, so when we met the next time, I didn't know where I belonged. I do have friends but they're usually either older or much younger than me, or are on the spectrum themselves.

(4) "Sense of pending danger or doom and feelings of polar extremes"
Every-single-day. When I forst got hospitalsed at the age of 14, they suspected I had BPD but never diagnosed it.

There are many more things but I don't know how interesting this will be to anyone else. All in all, there's just this feeling of being awkward that has always accompanied me. Also the feeling of having no stable sense of self. I feel like I can be everyone and no one. I just take on the characteristics of my environment. Nevertheless, I'm always wrong.

I'd be happy if I could meet people here, who feel the same. Maybe, I'll have the courage once to talk to a therapist about this. Right now, however, I'm too afraid that I will come of as a faker because I'm too "normal" to actually be on the spectrum.
bit of advice which comes from suffering ,start to learn about living alone, before you are actually alone it is a shock !when you are alone and you know nothing, look up autism advocacy groups because you will need help, I did everything you did in the past and I wish I'd learned about living alone, instead of being suddenly alone and being clueless, I'd had a tiny bit of training as my mother became terminally ill and I had to start to pay the bills
 
welcome to af.png
 
Hi, welcome! :)

It’s nice to have you here!
Females with autism are often misdiagnosed with something else, or undiagnosed. Hopefully being here and talking with all of us will help you realize you’re not alone! :)

Your interests are really cool by the way :)

- Luca
 
Welcome aboard!

Thank you! (Cute profile pic!)

Hi und willkommen Germany and hallo from Norway :) I saw another German around here somewhere too. It`s a friendly forum, nice people.

Thank you! I actually wanted to tell you that I really love Norway, but you might already guess from the other forum. :D

bit of advice which comes from suffering ,start to learn about living alone, before you are actually alone it is a shock !when you are alone and you know nothing, look up autism advocacy groups because you will need help, I did everything you did in the past and I wish I'd learned about living alone, instead of being suddenly alone and being clueless, I'd had a tiny bit of training as my mother became terminally ill and I had to start to pay the bills

Thank you for your advice. I'm sorry to hear that you had such a hard time.
I guess, I need to clarify, by being alone I mean living alone in a place that's all "mine". Of course, I don't want to be entirely alone, without my friends and my mother who supports me whenever I need her. I would be completely lost...
 
Hi, welcome! :)

It’s nice to have you here!
Females with autism are often misdiagnosed with something else, or undiagnosed. Hopefully being here and talking with all of us will help you realize you’re not alone! :)

Your interests are really cool by the way :)

- Luca

Thank you for your warm welcome! :)
 
I have noticed that in the summer I stumble over tents and caravans with German tourists in them. And in the winter I stumble over German tourists in the ski slopes in the mountains. ;) You guys seem to like Norway. Germany is very nice too, you have some nice valleys and castles and stuff. Sehr nett! :)

I'm really sorry, we make you stumble throughout the whole year :D
 
Wie gehts? You've come to the right place. Welcome!

I was formally diagnosed many years ago with chronic clinical depression, social anxiety and OCD. But any notion that I might have been on the spectrum of autism simply went unnoticed by medical professionals.

I think you'll find many here who understand...
 
Last edited:
Wilkommen! You are in good company here. I wasn't diagnosed until age 60 and did not know I was autistic when I was young and suffering through social isolation. And because autism was rarely diagnosed then, I had to learn to help myself. It is only with 20/20 hindsight that I could see the profound social deficits that I overcame in order to develop the skills and have experiences that the younger me never dreamed were possible. May you be successful on your journey.
 
Thank you! (Cute profile pic!)



Thank you! I actually wanted to tell you that I really love Norway, but you might already guess from the other forum. :D



Thank you for your advice. I'm sorry to hear that you had such a hard time.
I guess, I need to clarify, by being alone I mean living alone in a place that's all "mine". Of course, I don't want to be entirely alone, without my friends and my mother who supports me whenever I need her. I would be completely lost...
sadly for us that's the way we learn
 
608a6ea4-a693-4cb7-ab0e-b19d39324574_1.268ff70130541b6ec5b1158c06f24928.jpeg


Even if you went to the North Pole, they will follow, they will find you.

;)
 
Hey hey,

I'm still a bit unsure whether I really belong here, but I thought maybe this would be a good place to meet people who share similar experiences.

I'm not diagnosed with anything except depression (who isn't?), but I have a growing suspicion that I might be on the spectrum. I never thought that this would be an option until I came across a website that describes typical characteristics of women and girls with Asperger's. This was a huge shock for me because I could identify myself with everything I read. I don't want to bore anyone, so I just want to give some examples of what I think is most significant:

(1) "Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions, and over-interest in subjects"
YES!! Anything related to Japanese culture, Japanese/Chinese characters, language learning, phonetics, morphology (everything that is "technical" and structured vs. intuitive), ballet, succulents, the list goes on... My obsessions with things defines my life to the point that I constantly annoy my friends and family members because my world revolves around nothing else. When I start getting interested in a new subject, I absorb every bit of information I get like a sponge, even if I actually have other things to do. So, there is an extreme imbalance in things I'm good at or I know much about and things I have no clue about at all. I often feel guilty about it but still can't stop. When other people want to tell me about their lives, their emotions and daily experiences, I find it incredibly difficult to invest the same amount of energy in it (which makes me feel even more guilty).

(2) "Obsessively collects and organizes objects + Escapes through counting, categorizing, organizing, rearranging"

There was a time I needed to constantly overthink and write down every food item I own, when I will prepare and cook it, how many calories ot contains etc. It sometimes gave me headaches and stole my sleep. Today, I'm a bit more relaxed but I still need to regularly create list of what I own and declutter to reduce the stress it causes. Needless to say that I absolutely despise having to share my things with others because it simply ruins my system. Others must think I'm just egoistic.

(3) "Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, or leave the house + One visitor at the home may be perceived as a threat"

I currently live in a shared flat for financial reasons, and even though my flatmates are decent people, it's hell on earth for me. Especially, when my flatmates have their friends come over, I wish I could just run away to some isolate village on the North Pole (wide open nature brings me great relief). But I can't tell them to not have their friends there, so I just accept it and suffer in silence. I count every singly day I have to stay in this situation until I will finally finish my studies be allowed to live alone. I hate being around people my age, especially students. I hate their mindless small talk, their music, their constant noisiness, the chaos and dirt after a party. Once I had to work in a group and just realised later that I couldn't remember any of the names or faces of my group members, so when we met the next time, I didn't know where I belonged. I do have friends but they're usually either older or much younger than me, or are on the spectrum themselves.

(4) "Sense of pending danger or doom and feelings of polar extremes"
Every-single-day. When I forst got hospitalsed at the age of 14, they suspected I had BPD but never diagnosed it.

There are many more things but I don't know how interesting this will be to anyone else. All in all, there's just this feeling of being awkward that has always accompanied me. Also the feeling of having no stable sense of self. I feel like I can be everyone and no one. I just take on the characteristics of my environment. Nevertheless, I'm always wrong.

I'd be happy if I could meet people here, who feel the same. Maybe, I'll have the courage once to talk to a therapist about this. Right now, however, I'm too afraid that I will come of as a faker because I'm too "normal" to actually be on the spectrum.

Hello- from Germany to Germany ;)
 
Welcome,

I did not even know anything about Asperger's syndrome when someone suggested to me that I might be on the spectrum. That was not until my 40s. I always knew I was not like everyone else, and so I just gravitated toward minimizing my stress levels and concentrated on never doing anything that might get me noticed in ways I did not want.

Each of us finds our own ways of dealing with life and I wish you all the best in your pursuit of happiness. The key is accepting yourself and finding your own path. Simple words but a goal that is difficult to achieve, nevertheless not an unreachable one.

May you find comfort and acceptance in your life.
 
Hello. I’ve always liked some of the collectibles things made in Germany. I’ve always wanted a musical Black Forest cuckoo clock, one of those music boxes that look like a room in a German home that you can hang on a wall, and a Steinbach musical nutcracker or smoker. I have a couple music boxes in my collection that were made in Germany and would like some more for diversity. I also find some of the traditions very interesting.
 

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