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Hello, and What's the Worst Impression You Have Given?

N

NicoleD

Active Member
It has been one long hard road to finally find my way here. I was diagnosed with ADHD- inattentive type about 2 years ago, and thought that was the *one* revelation that explained the rough ride to age 41. I think falling somewhere on the spectrum explains the rest, and in a much more significant way than ADHD.

I knew I had terrible social skills as a young child, even as a young child. But I thought I had "outgrown" much of the shyness and awkwardness that was blatantly obvious back in the day. Recently, I have realized that I was totally kidding myself.

I seem to raise suspicion, and often am called a liar. I also seem to be seen as "not the brightest bulb" while simultaneously finding society and the majority of it's members just plain stupid. I honestly do not know where my strengths and weaknesses end and begin. I am in the early stages of figuring this out, although I have suspected it for quite some time.

I am yet to be officially diagnosed because my psychiatrist has headed off in all sorts of crazy directions. To muddy up the waters some, I find my Dr's description of Sluggish Cognitive Tempo to be spot on. But I also am awaiting a sleep study to test for narcolepsy.

I have a history of verbal and emotional abuse and manipulations, so much so that I can also apparently not be able to tell when someone is being slightly rude vs. outright disrespectful. And then this apparently can also lead suspicious minds to think I tolerate said disrespect, etc because I am indeed guilty of whatever they imagine. Anyone else have this problem? Or any of these problems?

Also, I am familiar with the current types of ASD in the DSM, but when one is diagnosed officially, are you made aware of where your brain may be excelling and where your brain might be out for lunch? I feel like I must have a higher IQ in some ways, but am so confused if I know as much as I think I know. Anyone else feel this way?
 
@NicoleD
I think it's more how we experience confrontation, I think because I do almost everything to avoid confrontation ,it's un bearable when I do have to experience it.
So it's when I disagreed with somebody or out right criticise them ,which I can count on one hand how many times I've done it .
That's why I don't really post in this forum anymore .
What I mean is I'm very passionate about what I care about and you're just not allowed to express everything you're passionate about in the way you want to .
 
Hi and welcome.

Simple answer to worst impression is when my temper gets a bit out of hand.
Not a good impression. o_O
 
I am accused of enjoying the anger I experience! That I enjoy being confrontational. In fact, it is completely the opposite. I thrive on goodness and kindness and love. I blossom under those terms, but I am under the umbrella of the opposite, that brings out my anger and apparent confrontational issues.

I texted this to the person in my life: you want to put a plaster on the wound and forget about it. I, on the other hand, want to heal the wound and then, use the plaster to help the wound to heal further.

Oh and also on the same theme. I am told that I love causing controversial, so that I can carry on being angry. Honestly, if that were the case, why do I react so negativily to feeling this way?

Again, all who know me, actually say the opposite to what the person I live with says and this is not because they do not live with me; but it is because they get me and do not inflame me. Ah lol they are aspies though, so that is probably why.
 
Hi Nicole

welcome to af.png
 
In 2007 I had an "interview" at Remploy and this woman accused me of lying about every word of the content of my CV because I didn't, and still don't, have any named references! I was literally like, WTH?!
 
I can relate to the not standing up for yourself thing. I’ve had people say to me, why did you let her talk to you like that? I’m then confused, like what?
When people are rude or disrespectful I either don’t realize it or just ignore it.
I also, and think this is somehow related, have problems with knowing how I feel and unable to verbalize my feelings. For example I know that sometimes I feel bad, but unable to recognize any more detail than that.
I just brought that up because this is a result of abuse that I also suffered from.
Being accused of something I didn’t do or intend or think is painful! I’m not good at defending myself and can’t think fast enough to come across as sincerly offended. My silence, even a slight pause, looks like guilt! Hence, my hermit lifestyle!
 
I also will do anything to avoid confrontation and I don't like being yelled at. One of the reasons I left my husband. He would just come into the room I was in and start yelling at me for stupid reason.
I don't know the impressions I make, but I always feel like it's not a good impression. Just like yesterday I decided to try out the chat room (Myway) maybe you can tell me what impression I made. :) I enjoyed the people I was talking to but because of my own thinking felt pressured, felt like I was not making the others happy because I felt like I was taking over the conversation. and didn't know how to get out. Nothing to do with anyone but myself. I do prefer typing over talking though, but I don't know how to end even conversations in typing and sometimes I think they go on until the other person is tired of responding to my responses and I want to say - "Hey, you're the one who started this." (That's in private messaging on facebook and such).
And like Streetwise, I can count on one hand the times I've stood up for myself or openly disagreed with someone. I can remember when I was small, sitting in a corner of my bedroom rocking back and forth because all the yelling and stuff.
 
NicoleD said:
Also, I am familiar with the current types of ASD in the DSM, but when one is diagnosed officially, are you made aware of where your brain may be excelling and where your brain might be out for lunch?
Click to expand...

Depends on how the assessment for ASD is done.

If they do psychoeducational testing and give you a copy of the diagnostic report then you will be made aware of areas of strength as weaknesses highlighted by the tests....the test results may or may not translate very well to performance in real life tasks, though (there are a whole lot of variables involved and the tests have limitations).
 
Oh, part of my testing involves a oral IQ test. I did great with the patterns. But I think it's really stupid when they base your IQ on words you have never seen or heard. No prefixes or suffixes or root words to figure out what it could mean, just a word that I've never heard. I wanted to tell the doctor that I'm sure he's intelligent but did he know the meaning to … and pick a word he's never heard before. Maybe scrofula. And he kept telling me he would mail me the written report but never did.
 
I have no idea what impression I give on others.

I often leave interactions feeling unsatisfied or that they didn't go well, I think people are judging me but I don't know what they are thinking.
 
This condition plagues many on the spectrum, myself included. I never take responsibility for the bad behavior of others, and I can tolerate another person's opinion without challenging them. That makes me passive to rudeness and insults. This situation is a classic example of communication disorder. I don't want to change my philosophy of never pre-judging anyone, so I end up being prey to other people's foolish games because I am not on my guard against people who lie, cheat, or manipulate. I value truth above anything, so I don't care if my polite behavior is seen as weakness. I can produce a cutting remark if necessary, but I usually hold my tongue. I don't like to react to another person who is socially offensive. It's their own insecurity that has been revealed.
 
What you've said does sound familiar. These days I'm better at 'blending in', but I still have idiot moments when I'm either under a ton of pressure or if the situation is very new. For example, a while back I had an interview for my first proper IT job and was really nervous as I didn't think I was qualified enough. I did well in the interview (despite knocking over a glass of water) and passed all the tests, but when they showed me around the office and introduced me to the team lead, for some stupid reason I repeated exactly what he said back to him. I used to do that as a child, but had kicked the habit as an adult (I thought). So I was really annoyed at myself. Fortunately, he found it incredibly funny and I later discovered there were a lot of people on the team with either autistic traits or other general oddities.

I also have a tendency to take people far more literally when I've only just met them and don't yet know their mannerisms and speech patterns. So I've had a few situations when people have jokingly asked me something and I've replied honestly and made an idiot of myself. But people tend to forgive mistakes if you make a joke of it and don't take yourself too seriously.

In terms of shouting, I rarely have to raise my voice with anyone. I get annoyed if people around me are shouting at each other or me as it just hurts my ears, so always try to diffuse the situation, find out what's wrong, fix whatever it is, then go away somewhere to calm down. I don't lose my temper very often, although my dad knows exactly how to wind me up and I've had to learn to walk away as he won't debate things logically when annoyed. At times I have had to shout back at him, as otherwise he will continue to yell and won't respond to anything else. I hate doing that though, as I feel like I'm being forced to lower my own standards. If I have a problem with someone/something then I prefer to just discuss the issue like a rational adult rather than screaming and swearing like a spoilt child.

I'm not entirely sure how others see me. People tell me I'm 'funny' or say I'm 'a bit nuts but they like me' (I guess that's a good thing). I get on well with most guys, as they tend to be more logical as a general rule. Other women either find me entertaining or find me confusing as we have nothing in common. Others like that I'm a nerd and have useful skills. I can act pretty well when I have to, so sometimes I'll meet people and they enjoy my company in that moment but I don't want to have to keep on a mask all the time so I'll turn down any further requests to hang out.

"I can also apparently not be able to tell when someone is being slightly rude vs. outright disrespectful. And then this apparently can also lead suspicious minds to think I tolerate said disrespect, etc because I am indeed guilty of whatever they imagine. Anyone else have this problem?"

I don't always notice if someone dislikes me. I tend to assume the best and think they are being sarcastic/joking unless it's very obvious. Subtlety and hints normally go straight over my head, so if they aren't swearing and throwing things at me or specify 'I don't like you because x, y, z' then I'll think they like me or at least tolerate my presence. I'm not sure if that affects how people perceive me.
 
Wow. That literally could have been me saying that! I long desperately for my parents and sister to love me. I address it and it ends in anger. Now I have no relationship with any of them. All I needed was their love. They must think I’m a horrible person but I am the opposite. I care way too much but people do not understand me. Its so frustrating. Plus, I never did give the love I needed. It’s very sad and I don’t know if they really are just unloving people or if they didn’t understand me me and then I pushed them all away. I’m now reliving it in someone’s but in real time with my own children. It’s hard when all you want is love and peace and calm and all you get is turmoil.

Suzanne said:
I am accused of enjoying the anger I experience! That I enjoy being confrontational. In fact, it is completely the opposite. I thrive on goodness and kindness and love. I blossom under those terms, but I am under the umbrella of the opposite, that brings out my anger and apparent confrontational issues.

I texted this to the person in my life: you want to put a plaster on the wound and forget about it. I, on the other hand, want to heal the wound and then, use the plaster to help the wound to heal further.

Oh and also on the same theme. I am told that I love causing controversial, so that I can carry on being angry. Honestly, if that were the case, why do I react so negativily to feeling this way?

Again, all who know me, actually say the opposite to what the person I live with says and this is not because they do not live with me; but it is because they get me and do not inflame me. Ah lol they are aspies though, so that is probably why.
Click to expand...
 
I have a limited repertoire. Imitating a German is usually my best and a French person usually my worst.
 
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