Jeepcarpenter
Well-Known Member
So already the awkwardness ensues as I eagerly try to garner a meaningful introduction from my tangled webs of thought, the comfortable go-to of ‘Good (time of day)’ already seeming like a haphazard attempt considering the time of day bares no validity upon a message forum strewn across various time zones and viewed at leisure or discretion.
Usually this wouldn’t be an issue.. but already perusing the boards today, this place means something to me and it has been decades since I’ve graced more than a brief acknowledgement or comment while perusing the internet, yet born and raised on the internet as it slowly arose and came to be commonly consumed and part of everyday household life..
Amazing how something so small and insignificant can become a drastically larger problem, and maybe I didn’t explain enough to frame the latter issue but suffice to say, I think I might be in the right place..
Hello all, I’m Adam.
I reside in Lindsay, Ontario, Canada. I’m 40yrs old, been married 21yrs, carpenter/engineer/computer geek/mad scientist who is rather eccentric, overtly honest and over-sensitive (though not to criticism) as well attributed as:
-a walking dictionary/grammar police, even though I still make many punctuation errors.
-a database of technical knowledge/search engine: though as well can’t seem to tell when someone is aware of or is in need to be aware of; certain information and usually doting the ‘captain obvious’ title when in error though sought continually for like niches of information.
-a social butterfly: when stepping into a role for another or sharing an interest but runs on basic scripts for small-talk until having a better assessment of needs or expectations and can not handle compliments or being referred to the likes of a savant, sometimes to the point of danger though I am quite the talented carpenter.
-dysfunctional: unable to sleep outside of 2am-11am, unable to wake easily, always restless and do not tire easily for days, no sense of hunger or appetite but occasionally experience the want to taste wonderfully flavorous scents, sometimes need days alone to recoup energy and well-being as nausea, nerves and senses often get overwhelmed either by eating, by pain and discomfort, by groups of people or random/situational instances, or by sleeping, waking to a new day can be excruciating and am usually a monster until I can get a handle on my senses.. but there is the odd day that isn’t an issue and becomes enamouring until either fleeting or overanalyzed.. and do gets ‘episodes’ leading to unconsciousness probably from overwhelm though attributed to vasa vagal syncope and mirror-pain synesthesia.
-and pretty sure annoying, irritating, over-achiever, extra, too much, insensitive, arrogant, “drunkard” (I can’t drink alcohol..), “like an autistic-child..” and several other intended derogatory statements make up a decent chunk of opinion as well. Those who know me well wouldn’t agree to most probably but there’s still some in there that hit the mark.
I believe I have dysgraphia and dyspraxia, I have SPD but I don’t believe it ever got to my GP or put on my chart as I was diagnosed in the school system in GR1/2 and my mother refuted the claims at the time, shortly thereafter enrolling me in social programs like Cub Scouts and other local such.
I am a toe-walker, pronated ankles and always have been either directly on toes or on the outsides of my feet, never flat-foot or normal as the resonance from my heel making contact constantly created a dull ache in my head, was easier to balance and I could not tolerate many things touching the inner-arch of my feet, grass and sand for instance; though had no trouble with the same contact over most of the rest of my body (except back of the neck and lower back).
Most of my senses are both hyper and hypo though they fluctuate and that’s the main dissonance that initially discouraged me from believing I have ASD.. that things came and went, not always excruciating and hard to cope with but comparable to migraines, painful arthritis or over-active nerves.. except no one experienced them the way I do, that I knew..
So 1-0 for difference, not an issue to be concerned until others can’t make sense of the constant wincing and grimaces or what you explain and soon start to believe you’re crazy, so like Elsa of Frozen, conceal don’t feel. Lost many jobs that way with people thinking I was an addict or was someone to be concerned about, even being entirely anti-violent.
Sorry, I’m rambling…. I do that a lot when I get going. I would love to say that I recently got diagnosed and that’s why I’m here, to join this wonderful community in the hopes of learning and understanding more but I fear that outside of the past 6 months, I was at an entirely different understanding of things.. a stereotype if you will, not necessarily the commonly conceived ones but stereotype none-the-less.
It was not until six months prior while I was contemplating reaching out for anxiety medication, having been diagnosed 2yrs previous with a mixture of GAD, masked anxiety, mild OCD and PTSD and foregoing CBT and other therapies to refresh the toolbox that the Christian Montessori school that my 4yo daughter attends, addressed an issue with her that they felt required a social worker.
My wife and I were both a bit perplexed, our daughter has not been an issue at all aside from occasional tantrums/meltdowns, she’s been exceptional rather. A god-send, nearly perfect as her name acclaims.. heck, she even helps us keep our routines if we step out of line or habit, she’s amazing.
Weeks of on-site assessment led to a recommendation to a behavioural doctor and further assessments, eventually concluding the she has Aspergers or high functioning ASD and Sensory Processing Disorder.. and based of what they saw, that I did as well.
The cost they listed was rather discouraging and considering my daughter is fairly intelligent, very well-mannered and empathetic/considerate of others, I honestly could not discern how they came to say my daughter differed so much from the other children. She has had a few irrational outbursts, and does need certain routines followed.. but I could not see what they were trying to tell us in that she was somehow abnormal.
I don’t mean to offend by any terminology used, it’s just the only way I can think to express accurately, especially the ‘abnormal’ aspect. I find normal doesn’t actually exist but is rather just a generalization of things, another stereotype.. but as well they are things that I can’t ascertain in my body and mind, even working together..
I -need- outside opinion and perspective, I don’t understand the commonality of normal when I haven’t once seen instance of continuity across the board to provide reference to ‘normal’.. we are all different and I have always known I am different.. I just couldn’t sort the extent or context until fairly recently.
Now, diving in in the pursuit of my daughters best interest, my lifetime of separately diagnosed and mystery/undiagnosed health issues and other problems have been correlated into a list of symptoms within one condition.
Already we have made leaps and bounds for our daughter but in doing so I’ve blown the dust off of a lot of things that were shelved for me, things that were not understood but couldn’t be managed or that were chalked up to imagination, anxiety or even coerced otherwise.. I’m not entirely certain I’m correct in saying.. but I believe my mother had her own version of ABA, but I was physically abused to be normal, paraded around as the tiny professor until I had enough.. thereafter I was a degenerate, a delinquent, extra, too much..
Between being misdiagnosed with epilepsy, not being believed about hand pain and fine motor function or nerve/sensory issues, not listened to about gait, posture ankle and back issues; believed that problems eating and GI issues were a teenagers cry for attention or a way out of school..
I missed 2/3 of my gr10 year because of my doctor accidentally believing I had a benign tumour in my brain causing epilepsy and constantly seeing specialists, getting tests/imaging and often overdosing me on epileptic drugs to try to manage episodes while ignoring my sleep and eating issues, only realized at that late time because of the entire home structure of my life being pulled out from under me and having to fend for myself without routine and structure.
I adored school, the learning anyways.. the social politics I had just got a handle on through cigarette smoking (great hidden stim at the time) and business as I entered secondary school so aside from health issues I wasn’t bad off.. but even achieving passing grades in majority of classes, after a certain amount of absence you fail.
I wish I could have sorted things with my doctor then but I got frustrated with the system then, always being pushed whatever pill of the day, jumping through hoops only to find months wasted and authenticity questioned again or waking in a hospital again..
There is far more to it.. unfortunately brain injury and childhood trauma as well, which is and has; made this venture quite a complex one.. I can recall many signs, symptoms and weird instances going back to at least the age of 3 in preschool..
..but because of divorce, house fire, break-ins, trauma and witness to trauma; as well as an open depressed fracture to the rear of my skull at the age of 6-7 though no recollection of, never been discussed of and majority of family either cannot remember back then, had no knowledge of or cannot be reached now.. <contd>
Usually this wouldn’t be an issue.. but already perusing the boards today, this place means something to me and it has been decades since I’ve graced more than a brief acknowledgement or comment while perusing the internet, yet born and raised on the internet as it slowly arose and came to be commonly consumed and part of everyday household life..
Amazing how something so small and insignificant can become a drastically larger problem, and maybe I didn’t explain enough to frame the latter issue but suffice to say, I think I might be in the right place..
Hello all, I’m Adam.
I reside in Lindsay, Ontario, Canada. I’m 40yrs old, been married 21yrs, carpenter/engineer/computer geek/mad scientist who is rather eccentric, overtly honest and over-sensitive (though not to criticism) as well attributed as:
-a walking dictionary/grammar police, even though I still make many punctuation errors.
-a database of technical knowledge/search engine: though as well can’t seem to tell when someone is aware of or is in need to be aware of; certain information and usually doting the ‘captain obvious’ title when in error though sought continually for like niches of information.
-a social butterfly: when stepping into a role for another or sharing an interest but runs on basic scripts for small-talk until having a better assessment of needs or expectations and can not handle compliments or being referred to the likes of a savant, sometimes to the point of danger though I am quite the talented carpenter.
-dysfunctional: unable to sleep outside of 2am-11am, unable to wake easily, always restless and do not tire easily for days, no sense of hunger or appetite but occasionally experience the want to taste wonderfully flavorous scents, sometimes need days alone to recoup energy and well-being as nausea, nerves and senses often get overwhelmed either by eating, by pain and discomfort, by groups of people or random/situational instances, or by sleeping, waking to a new day can be excruciating and am usually a monster until I can get a handle on my senses.. but there is the odd day that isn’t an issue and becomes enamouring until either fleeting or overanalyzed.. and do gets ‘episodes’ leading to unconsciousness probably from overwhelm though attributed to vasa vagal syncope and mirror-pain synesthesia.
-and pretty sure annoying, irritating, over-achiever, extra, too much, insensitive, arrogant, “drunkard” (I can’t drink alcohol..), “like an autistic-child..” and several other intended derogatory statements make up a decent chunk of opinion as well. Those who know me well wouldn’t agree to most probably but there’s still some in there that hit the mark.
I believe I have dysgraphia and dyspraxia, I have SPD but I don’t believe it ever got to my GP or put on my chart as I was diagnosed in the school system in GR1/2 and my mother refuted the claims at the time, shortly thereafter enrolling me in social programs like Cub Scouts and other local such.
I am a toe-walker, pronated ankles and always have been either directly on toes or on the outsides of my feet, never flat-foot or normal as the resonance from my heel making contact constantly created a dull ache in my head, was easier to balance and I could not tolerate many things touching the inner-arch of my feet, grass and sand for instance; though had no trouble with the same contact over most of the rest of my body (except back of the neck and lower back).
Most of my senses are both hyper and hypo though they fluctuate and that’s the main dissonance that initially discouraged me from believing I have ASD.. that things came and went, not always excruciating and hard to cope with but comparable to migraines, painful arthritis or over-active nerves.. except no one experienced them the way I do, that I knew..
So 1-0 for difference, not an issue to be concerned until others can’t make sense of the constant wincing and grimaces or what you explain and soon start to believe you’re crazy, so like Elsa of Frozen, conceal don’t feel. Lost many jobs that way with people thinking I was an addict or was someone to be concerned about, even being entirely anti-violent.
Sorry, I’m rambling…. I do that a lot when I get going. I would love to say that I recently got diagnosed and that’s why I’m here, to join this wonderful community in the hopes of learning and understanding more but I fear that outside of the past 6 months, I was at an entirely different understanding of things.. a stereotype if you will, not necessarily the commonly conceived ones but stereotype none-the-less.
It was not until six months prior while I was contemplating reaching out for anxiety medication, having been diagnosed 2yrs previous with a mixture of GAD, masked anxiety, mild OCD and PTSD and foregoing CBT and other therapies to refresh the toolbox that the Christian Montessori school that my 4yo daughter attends, addressed an issue with her that they felt required a social worker.
My wife and I were both a bit perplexed, our daughter has not been an issue at all aside from occasional tantrums/meltdowns, she’s been exceptional rather. A god-send, nearly perfect as her name acclaims.. heck, she even helps us keep our routines if we step out of line or habit, she’s amazing.
Weeks of on-site assessment led to a recommendation to a behavioural doctor and further assessments, eventually concluding the she has Aspergers or high functioning ASD and Sensory Processing Disorder.. and based of what they saw, that I did as well.
The cost they listed was rather discouraging and considering my daughter is fairly intelligent, very well-mannered and empathetic/considerate of others, I honestly could not discern how they came to say my daughter differed so much from the other children. She has had a few irrational outbursts, and does need certain routines followed.. but I could not see what they were trying to tell us in that she was somehow abnormal.
I don’t mean to offend by any terminology used, it’s just the only way I can think to express accurately, especially the ‘abnormal’ aspect. I find normal doesn’t actually exist but is rather just a generalization of things, another stereotype.. but as well they are things that I can’t ascertain in my body and mind, even working together..
I -need- outside opinion and perspective, I don’t understand the commonality of normal when I haven’t once seen instance of continuity across the board to provide reference to ‘normal’.. we are all different and I have always known I am different.. I just couldn’t sort the extent or context until fairly recently.
Now, diving in in the pursuit of my daughters best interest, my lifetime of separately diagnosed and mystery/undiagnosed health issues and other problems have been correlated into a list of symptoms within one condition.
Already we have made leaps and bounds for our daughter but in doing so I’ve blown the dust off of a lot of things that were shelved for me, things that were not understood but couldn’t be managed or that were chalked up to imagination, anxiety or even coerced otherwise.. I’m not entirely certain I’m correct in saying.. but I believe my mother had her own version of ABA, but I was physically abused to be normal, paraded around as the tiny professor until I had enough.. thereafter I was a degenerate, a delinquent, extra, too much..
Between being misdiagnosed with epilepsy, not being believed about hand pain and fine motor function or nerve/sensory issues, not listened to about gait, posture ankle and back issues; believed that problems eating and GI issues were a teenagers cry for attention or a way out of school..
I missed 2/3 of my gr10 year because of my doctor accidentally believing I had a benign tumour in my brain causing epilepsy and constantly seeing specialists, getting tests/imaging and often overdosing me on epileptic drugs to try to manage episodes while ignoring my sleep and eating issues, only realized at that late time because of the entire home structure of my life being pulled out from under me and having to fend for myself without routine and structure.
I adored school, the learning anyways.. the social politics I had just got a handle on through cigarette smoking (great hidden stim at the time) and business as I entered secondary school so aside from health issues I wasn’t bad off.. but even achieving passing grades in majority of classes, after a certain amount of absence you fail.
I wish I could have sorted things with my doctor then but I got frustrated with the system then, always being pushed whatever pill of the day, jumping through hoops only to find months wasted and authenticity questioned again or waking in a hospital again..
There is far more to it.. unfortunately brain injury and childhood trauma as well, which is and has; made this venture quite a complex one.. I can recall many signs, symptoms and weird instances going back to at least the age of 3 in preschool..
..but because of divorce, house fire, break-ins, trauma and witness to trauma; as well as an open depressed fracture to the rear of my skull at the age of 6-7 though no recollection of, never been discussed of and majority of family either cannot remember back then, had no knowledge of or cannot be reached now.. <contd>