Healing from a divorce

[HeatherWB]

After years of wondering, I finally got an AS diagnosis last August. After being married to a NT husband for nearly 14 years, we divorced in February of this year. It was on friendly terms, for which I am thankful. The marriage had been rocky pretty much from the beginning.

On my end were the quirks related to being an Aspie, which the husband never got and didn't seem that interested in understanding. From him, I felt disrespect. I felt like I was being treated like a small child. There was also some unfaithfulness on his part. In the end, the marriage was sucking the life out of both of us. I was the one who decided that I wanted out. At first, he was upset about it, but after thinking about it, agreed with me that divorce was the best thing we could do for ourselves. We both agreed that we probably shouldn't have gotten married to begin with. Thankfully, we didn't have any kids and we were able to easily agree on the division of property so the legal part of the divorce wasn't a big deal.

Sitting here now, it has been almost 6 months since I moved out and I don't regret my decision one bit. I've managed to create a pretty decent life for myself. I've started thinking towards the future and I would like to give the marriage/family thing another shot at some point. I realize that there is still some healing I need to do, but I'm working on that. At the urging of some friends, I'm planning on joining a Divorce Care group this week. As an Aspie, I realize that some of my issues and ways of coping will differ from NTs going through the same thing, but I figure that I will still benefit in some way. Hopefully, I will gain some insight as to how I can best deal with my trust issues so that they won't keep me from having healthy relationships going forward.

My question to the collective wisdom on this board:
Is there anything in particular that you've found to be helpful in healing from and moving on past your divorce?

Thanks!
Heather

 

[Loomis]

I separated from my NT wife two years ago and the divorce is nearly completed. We have an aspie son. My wife also tried to treat me like a child and it made me furious. There was no unfaithfulness from either of us just lots of stress and anger. I too filed the divorce papers against her after 22 years of marriage. The main part of healing for me was time. I started to feel much better after about six months and even more so after a year of separation.

 

[Daniel]

I just moved to a new city a month ago, which was three months after my wife figured out that we needed to split up (I consider that the true separation date).

It's still pretty fresh, so I'm having to remind myself to be patient. I'm trying to do stuff I like--especially stuff I didn't have the time or energy to do before because I was busy trying to keep our life together going!